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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Lexbohemian on 2023-08-22 12:05:33.

First and foremost, I have to say that I feel very uncomfortable & embarassed to even talk about this issue as it is absolute childish from my point of view but it caused so much trouble in my relationship that I‘m not sure what to think.

The background-story is about an issue we (m28, f26) always have when going to public places and argue a lot about. My fiancee always accuses me of ‚staring‘ at other women. I truly reflected my behaviour critically and I‘m not ‚staring‘. I never turn my head or look at any other woman more than a second, I truly love and desire my fiancee and am loyal to her. Me looking into a direction where a woman stands is always enough to be accused of ‚staring‘ at her and causing arguments, even as in the most cases I didn‘t even noticed any person as I was looking for something else. It went so far that I on purpose avoid crowded areas when I‘m with her.

This being said, we went to a popular, busy café in our hometown (NY). I ordered us coffee and we sat down at a table facing the order counter and the que. I was thinking about to order cake for us and thus faced the order counter as the cakes were presented there. While trying to figure out which cake I want, a group of 3 women left the que at the order counter and went to the table behind us while passing me and blocking my view on the cake. I didn‘t turned my head or anything, but naturally had this group of women in my field of vision and of course noticed them for a second. My fiancee immediately accused me of ‚purposely staring at women again like a weirdo‘.

We had an argument as always. I was accused of being a weirdo stares. I was so sick of these arguments, so tired of always being accused of staring and feeling uncomfortable in public areas with her that I vented a bit. I was still relatively calm, but I shouldn‘t have said the following while defending myself. I said ‚I never had these accusations in any prior relationship, I‘m not a weirdo as you call me‘. I know this was not clever.

This escalated the situation to an even bigger argument, her accusing me of comparing her with my ex-partners. She said that she also now will compare me with her ex-partners as I did the same and said ‚well, at least they all had huge thick dicks‘. I couldn‘t believed what I‘ve heard and how quickly this escalated. I asked her ‚this is hurtful to me, how would you feel if I would say something corresponding like ‚at least they all had huge boobs‘ about my exes?‘. I didn‘t communicated any statement or personal opinion, but simply mirrored her statement as a question to make her realize how rude and hurting her statement was.

She broke up, saying IATA and deserve being insulted.

I know it was wrong and poorly communicated, I shouldn’t have said that even as a question. But AITA?