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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Efficient_Ball_3381 on 2023-08-22 09:20:36.

Hi this is my first reddit post so please ignore if I make any mistakes.

So, I (29f) got married November of last year. we are Indian and I do not have a large family as per Indian standards and hence the guest list in my wedding was pretty limited.

About 18 months before my wedding my only female cousin (27f) who I have grown up with, let’s call her Sara, had travelled to Belgium to study. When my wedding date was finalised my aunt told my mom that Sara won’t be attending as she can not afford plane tickets. It was hard for any of us to digest money being the only issue as her family is REALLY rich and she is super pampered but we accepted the reason without any complaints.

My wedding preparations went on for almost a year and she never even called or texted me. Aunt always said that she is too busy studying but is always asking her about the preparations. Wedding came and I even gave the bridal party gift packet for Sara to Sara’s mom as I figured she would have been in my bridal party if she would have been in India. My wedding got over, months passed and I never heard from her except for a congratulations comment on my social media post.

Few months later I find out Sara had travelled to India and attended the wedding of her friend’s brother that happened just few days post my wedding. That was a destination wedding and She was staying with her friend’s family, helped them with preparations, went on a bachelor’s trip with the groom, his sister and friends, and even stayed for few days post the wedding (Indian wedding festivities continue post wedding day). My aunt knew all about this.

Her choosing her friend’s brother’s (whom she hardly knew prior to wedding) wedding over mine (someone who she has grown up with as practically siblings) hurt me and I told another cousin (31m) about this and also said that I am thinking not to attend Sara’s wedding which will happen next year. My cousin promptly tattled to everyone and now am being called selfish for creating a fuss.

I never complained to Sara or my aunt and have always been cordial to them. My aunt even said that Sara chose her friend because it was a destination wedding and hence she obviously had more fun there while my wedding was way too simple for a young person to enjoy. Other relatives are also saying that I am older and married now and hence should act mature and understand why a student would use her vacation time for a fun wedding over mine. Moreover I should stop being petty and not only attend Sara’s wedding but also help out as older sister.

Am i really being unreasonable and AITA?

Update: Some asked if I had talked to Sara, well I tried by calling her last weekend but she was out with her friends and hence the reception was not great. She said she will call me back but it’s been two days with no call.

Also, forgot to mention I am a trained dancer and have always choreographed performances for all kinds of family functions (dance performances are huge highlights in Indian functions, weddings have a separate dance night with choreographed performances by everyone) hence my aunt and Sara were expecting me to choreograph some dance performances for Sara’s wedding.

So of course if I don’t attend that also means I will neither be choreographing nor be helping with any other preparations. Relatives are also telling me I can’t ditch that since I have choreographed performances in my family since I was a teen. Not choreographing now will make me look like a jealous and petty person.