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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CatholicGirl213 on 2023-08-23 00:47:51.

My younger sibling recently announced that she is transitioning. She has asked us to use she/her pronouns and call her a new feminine name (let’s say “Anna” for this post). I have done this and instructed my children to do the same. They are little (2 and just 4 last month) and so have made a few mistakes. When they do, I correct them. I have not had any conversations with them about gender or transition. Just “Call Uncle X Anna now. Call her she.”

This evening Anna came over to pick up some tomatoes from my garden (we have a lot of tomatoes at the moment). She asked if she could speak to me alone. She said she had noticed the kids weren’t calling her Aunt Anna. I acknowledged they were not. She asked if that was because I didn’t see her as a woman. I said I had simply instructed them to call her the name she chose because I didn’t want to make it even more confusing. She then asked point blank if I “see” her as a woman. I told her the truth: I do not think she falls under my definition of a woman, but I understand she falls under her definition of a woman. I will call her by her chosen name and pronouns, but no, I do not believe she is a woman. She became furious and stormed out. Now my mother (who agrees with me mind you) wants me to apologize.

I am really trying to figure out what I did wrong here. I never said anything to her until asked directly. I have agreed to all her requests. I don’t think she has control over my thoughts.

I know I can always be wrong so I would love some perspective here. Am I the asshole?