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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/astronemma on 2023-08-25 12:52:07.

He tells me to tell him what needs doing, but I’m just so tired of having to THINK about what needs doing. I have to be so specific all of the time. If I don’t do laundry, he’ll wait until he’s out of underwear to put on a load. If we’re out of food, he’ll order a takeaway instead of going grocery shopping. When we’re running low on cat food he’ll just assume I’ll take care of ordering some more. We’re going on holiday next week and I’ve organised everything for it, and have to keep reminding him of the things he needs to take the initiative on (like informing the airline of his CPAP machine).

Don’t get me wrong, I forget things too and have my own mental health soup which includes symptoms of ADHD. He’s expressed frustration before to me when I prioritise things in a way which doesn’t make sense to him. He’s familiar with the concept of mental load and I’ve tried to communicate to him how I get overwhelmed with it all, but things don’t change. How have people made things work for them? How can I change what I’m doing?