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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/bugsarentswag on 2023-08-25 18:05:37.

This might sound really silly but oh well.

I had a dream that I was pregnant and had a baby. I remember the midwife handing him to me when he was born and trying to feed him, he was on the larger side of a newborn and I gave him a name. I took him home and cooed over him for what felt like hours, we did mundane things together, and one time I thought he was smiling at me but it turned out he was just gassy lol. I sat on the sofa with him but things d started to get blurry until I woke up. I just laid in bed and cried because it felt like I just lost my baby. I tried going back to sleep but it was gone. He was gone.

It’s been a few days since but I miss him and feel like there’s a small hole in my heart for a child that has never existed. I didn’t actually hold him or feed him or coo over him but it felt so real. I think back at the dream like it’s a memory but I’m forgetting more details as the days go. It hurts that I’ve already forgotten what he looks like and what pattern the blanket I swaddled him in was. I want to say I want my little boy back but I never had him to begin with.

The strangest part is that I don’t particularly like children, I have nothing against them at all but personally I would find having one overwhelming and I dont trust I would be a good mother at this stage in my life. I’ve never had baby fever and I’m never comfortable enough to hold a baby when offered. This is incredibly out of character and I’m tired of caring so much about something I never had. Has anyone else experienced it on this level? Why does this happen?