This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/shampoo_mohawk_ on 2023-08-25 21:55:06.

This may come across as rambling, and I know it’s too long, I just have BIG feelings right now.

My (32f) husband (35m) has had this best friend “Robbie” (36m) since they met in college and became roommates. They’re basically brothers, I consider him family. Robbie had been with “Lindsey” (36f) since just before I met my husband. At that time they had just moved away to a different state.

Despite the distance, we all built a really close friendship through visits and regular communication. I became good friends with Lindsey, though obviously not quite like the relationship and history my husband had with Robbie. Two and a half years ago, Robbie and Lindsey got engaged. Then got pregnant a few months after that (technically a “whoops” but they weren’t exactly taking any precautions to prevent it) and had their son in January 2022 before their wedding in May 2022. My husband was the best man, I ended up the stand-in maid of honor when Lindsey’s sister caught Covid just days before the wedding (I was already a bridesmaid).

All of the backstory is to really emphasize how I feel about this couple (and their son). I love them. They’re my family. I would do anything for them. They had plans to move back to our city as soon as the housing market was better. We would all talk and laugh about all the trips we wanted to take together in the future. We even booked a new years cruise all 5 of us for this December. In my maid of honor improvised speech, I rambled about how I could see carpools and backyard birthday parties and family dinners in our future with them. Lindsey’s mom cried. It was such a happy day.

Last week, my husband drops the bomb: Robbie is divorcing Lindsey. First question out of my mouth was of course WHY?!?! What happened?? The only explanation I’ve received so far is “he just doesn’t want to be married to her anymore.”

It’s been one year of marriage. They have a baby. She had to quit her job to take care of their son. He purchased their home before they were married so it’s technically his. He’s keeping the house, she has to move out with the baby (minus I guess when or if he wants any kind of shared custody). Lindsey and I have been in limited contact because her lawyers have told her she cannot discuss certain aspects of what’s happening (I don’t know why yet, she told me after papers are signed she can tell me ‘everything’) but she has shared with me that she’s accepted a new job, she’s found an apartment for herself and her son, and she’s just as surprised as the rest of us. I know with 100% certainty she is faithful and has always only had eyes for Robbie. Both she and I have serious concerns about his mental health right now, though my husband does not.

I asked my husband if he was worried that not even he saw this coming. Robbie and my husband talk every single day via text (usually about unimportant stuff like gym routines or a new video game or a picture of food, not really deep and meaningful). Yet he didn’t see it coming at all. No prior mention of any issue with Lindsey. Not even a hint that anything was amiss. And then…. this.

I feel dramatic saying that I’m devastated. But I am. I feel like my family is being torn apart. I’m finding myself thinking very negative things about Robbie, blaming him for blowing everything up without even trying to work it out, no attempt at couples’ therapy, hurting my friend Lindsey, his son never getting to experience growing up with his mom and dad living together, generally destroying this incredible thing the four (five including baby) of us had. No more backyard birthday parties, no more group vacations, no more late nights playing board games and cards and laughing till our sides hurt. No more adventures. At least not with them.

Robbie was going to still go on the cruise with my husband and I but that felt weird. I knew at any given moment either myself or Robbie was going to be the third wheel. I felt like I would be betraying Lindsey by going. Today I finally reached out to Robbie to ask if we could cancel and thankfully he agreed and we’re far enough out that everyone will get a 100% refund. But I’m still feeling selfishly sad and mad that we have to cancel. I was so excited. Not for the cruise, but to have a whole 6 days to chill and party and eat and celebrate with our best friends and their son.

I don’t really have a question. And if nobody reads this, I think it was still cathartic to write it all out. My feelings are just so scrambled. I feel sad and angry, surprised, helpless, deceived, protective of Lindsey, but also guilty for feeling any of these feelings when I know Lindsey’s life just got blown up with the snap of a finger and the swipe of a pen. Robbie took away his and Lindsey’s future together, but he also took away our future with them. He’s changed how I will look at him forever. I thought I knew him well enough but he feels like a total stranger to me now. His entire demeanor about the whole situation is weirdly aloof, like he’s not completely blowing his life up. The thought of having to spend time with him and some new girlfriend in the future makes me really mad. I feel like I will lose Lindsey in this divorce before we ever had a real opportunity to build a friendship independent of our husbands’.

TL/DR: husband’s best friend is divorcing his wife and I’m devastated that this has blown up the friendship the four of us had together.