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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/RevolutionaryAlgae79 on 2023-08-28 16:18:46.

My wife and I have a 4 month old and will be trying for a second baby soon. We have a 3 bedroom house and one of the rooms is my “man cave” (aka all the crap my wife doesn’t want strewn about).

Last night she said when the second baby is born we’ll need to have the man cave converted into baby room #2, and my things will need to be put in storage until we can buy a bigger home (which realistically won’t be for another 5+ years). I told her I don’t think that’s necessary and fully expected our babies would share a bedroom, and once they’re a little older we would be ready to move to a bigger home where they could have their own rooms. She thinks I’m being unrealistic and selfish.

Babies/kids share bedrooms all the time, but I do see her point. My family is my #1 priority, but at the end of the day I also need a space for myself. My wife doesn’t want my collection of records, tapes, books and video games in the living room or our bedroom, so the only alternative is to put everything away in storage elsewhere. Am I being a selfish asshole for expecting that our babies/toddlers would share a bedroom for a few years just so I can keep my room?

Edit: No, my wife does not necassarily have her own room, but has the whole house to do with as she pleases, while I try to keep all of my things contained to this one space.

Edit#2: In defence of my wife not wanting all my stuff around the house, I totally understand and respect it. It’s both our house, and she prefers things to be tidy and sparse, while I like clutter and have a lot of shit. As some commenters have pointed out, she doesn’t want my records/books etc displayed in the living room or bedroom and would prefer these things go in storage, hence the issue.

As for the babies, our 4 month old sleeps peacefully through the night (and has done so since she was about 6 weeks old), and a newborn would sleep in our bedroom with us until they’re also sleeping through the night before we would have them sharing a room together. I agree that an infanct waking up a toddler isn’t fair, and envisioned this ony beginning once both children are sleeping through the night.

I’d like to also add that this wasn’t an argument between my wife and I. This was a calm conversation between the two of us, and at no point did I ever say I refused to give up my man cave. Relationships are about honest and open communication, and if you can’t do so without it devolving into an argument you don’t have a very healthy relationship.

Ultimately I admit to being selfish here and would like to find a compromise that everyone can be happy with, whether it be my records and such being stored neatly on shelves in a shared living space, or our children comfortably sleeping in the same room. If ever our toddler or my wife found the situation to be unbearable, I would give up the room in a heartbeat.