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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LearningFinance23 on 2025-04-19 01:54:52+00:00.

I am NOT OOP

Originally posted to AskAManager

I accidentally threw a sandwich and it caused a work crisis

OK, this is a ridiculous situation, but it’s also serious and spiralled out of control (we think?) and my coworker and I dug ourselves into a hole by staying silent.

Our grandboss is, let’s say, frosty. Elegant, always in glorious suits, not-a-hair-out-of-place Anna Wintour type. Renton is a younger (30ish) lad-type. He’s well known to sneak out for an extra long lunch at the pub to catch mid-week footie and come back after having a couple of pints, etc.

My coworker and I were in the kitchen area, eating (as one does). She was telling me about a program she had been watching and was very animated, gesticulating with her sandwich. FrostyBoss had just walked past us when my coworker made a particularly vehement point and completely lost grip of the sandwich. We both stared in horror as it flew through the air and smacked FrostyBoss on the bum. FrostyBoss was right next to Renton, and she turned and gave him the deathliest of death stares, before stalking away. Alison, SHE DIDN’T SEE THE SANDWICH. She clearly thought Renton had patted her familiarly. We don’t think Renton even noticed — no one else in the room (there weren’t a lot of us, late lunch) seemed to see either. Coworker and I were in horrified shock, and (and this is terrible of us) didn’t speak up. The whole thing was over in less than 10 seconds. What do you say???

Now the gossip mill is churning like mad. Renton was gone for two days — the same length of time as our mandatory sexual harassment training module. And it’s going around that someone threw a sandwich at him to keep him from molesting the boss, because he was drunk (!!!).

Obviously, we have to fix this. But holiday break came, and now we don’t know how. WE NEED A SCRIPT.

P.S. To make matters even worse, my coworker loves vinaigrette and mayonnaise on her sandwiches, so we also SHOULD have offered to have the skirt cleaned, because there was a definite splotch. Script to note that, too, might be rather nice.

Update

Things rather sorted themselves out. Diane (the owner of said sandwich) was very much uninclined to rectify the situation, so I spoke to Renton on my own. He burst out laughing at how terribly ineptly we handled it and he explained that he was actually on a new roster, which was why he was missing for those days I erroneously assumed he was out for “rehabilitation.” So he was in training, basically, to learn how to deal with idiotic situations. *blushes, looks around sideways*

I distanced myself from Diane, and Renton and I have actually become good friends — we snuck out for some afternoon footie today (AHEM. The Euros have started, people, don’t get salacious!) because PATIOS ARE OPEN! So I lost and gained a friend, but I have, I think, better judgement now on how to deal with absolute ridiculous happenings. I’m still pleasant with Diane, but this changed my view of her a bit, to be frank. She still uses our dictionary as a sandwich press, and FrostyBoss has worn the suit since. (I cannot lie: I had been charting her outfits. We’re talking Excel spreadsheet. So now I have wonderful ideas around how to “dress for the role you want, not the role you have”! ….I just need about an extra 40% salary increase to achieve it!) So I think it’s all good?

I also started to chat with a couple of our more chatty folks, and tried to downplay the rumours by saying that didn’t sound like Renton AT ALL, and everyone I spoke to agreed with me, and between that and our being mates and him being tagged for a seniorish role, it died off well quick. Now the big question is who on earth would have started such a ridiculous story? This might be me showing my immaturity again, but … I just rather nope out of those blathers, and say I’ve got some revision to do!

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