This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-05-08 04:05:57+00:00.
I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is still Special_Touch_9090. She posted in r/coworkerstories
Previous BORU here. **New Update marked with *******
Thanks to u/rihannalexis for letting me know about the new update!
Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old
Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse; weight-shaming; accusations of grooming; toxic workplace; death of a parent;
Mood Spoiler: OOP is doing ok but had a really difficult couple of months
Original Post: February 5, 2025
Boy do I have a doozy!
Last week I had a delivery of 100 little ducks. You know the kind people leave around their friends houses when they are on holiday. My work is going through a tumultuous time and I thought it might boost morale or at least give a reprieve from the negativity for 5 mins.
So I dotted these ducks around for people to find and it went down a treat! With people even rehiding the ducks for other coworkers the next day. People were laughing and talking about it for a couple of days. Even the directors found a couple, they were a bit bemused but left us to it.
One of the directors made a comment that without his glasses he assumed they were sweets that had been left out. He was glad he took a closer look before trying some!
My problem colleague overheard this and then made the comment that I was grooming both children and men with the ducks.
Office fun = me being a child groomer.
Reported to HR but I think I’m ready to move on to a different company now.
[later that afternoon]
UPDATE: Had a meeting with my manager this afternoon and will be raising a formal grievance against the problem coworker.
Some of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: I’m desperately trying to figure what dots they thought they were connecting to make that conclusion. There’s gotta be more than they’re convinced is related to this. Ducks equal grooming? The confusion is strong
OOP: After everyone went silent following her comment. She was trying to explain that it was like I was luring children with sweets but with ducks… Even though our office is 18+.
Not entirely sure how she jumped to that but as said she’s the problem colleague. She’s not happy unless she’s insulted someone.
OOP adds:
Later that afternoon after I had brought it up to my manager, she tried saying it was the kind of joke she would make with her husband on the sofa… Had to say that I’m not her husband, I’m not even her friend, I am her work colleague in a professional setting… How often do they joke about that sort of stuff for it to feel so normal for her?!
Commenter: Put an obscenely large number of ducks on just that person’s desk.
OOP: I didn’t hide all 100! Still have a few left. Might have to do that next time in the office
Commenter: Sounds like the problem co-worker is trying to start a situation to get rid of you. Be careful.
OOP: Thanks I’ve reported her for other things in the past. For comments like “your so fat you should be dead” etc. so I have a trail with HR already.
Commenter: That bitch! Omg. You’re calmer than I am. I’m pretty sure I would say something awful as a knee jerk response, before I could remind myself that I’m at work.
OOP: They are usually in the middle of other conversations so I’m usually left reeling a bit and then she gets up and flounces away 9/10 straight after
To another commenter asking how she hasn’t been fired:
I think the problem is no one reports it. She makes nasty comments to everyone but I think every one feels the same that it’s just one comment what will reporting it even do. She’s also not silly. She has only slipped up and insulted me in front of others a handful of times. Two years worth of insults mostly when we were alone together.
Our reception team pulled me aside to ask some questions a few weeks ago. I answered them and asked why they didn’t ask the problem coworker as it’s actually her area not mine. They felt she would give them grief for not knowing. I told my manager what they had said to me and she went down to talk to them about it but they didn’t mention problem coworker and instead say they grabbed me because they saw me.
Amazing one person can create such a fear culture about themselves
Commenter: Do not leave over this idiot. Your workplace needs you and your ducky joy over them. I think you should pursue some sort of defamation case against them. They have no right to put this on your name with no proof to it.
OOP: Thanks I appreciate that! I try and make work a bit more fun, if I’ve gotta spend 8 hours with these people I’m gunna want them to be happy haha.
I have a meeting with HR tomorrow so will see where they are willing to go with this first.
Ok, since it’s been definitively decided that your coworker is mean and crazy, can we talk about the ducks please? I’ve never heard of this before and am intrigued. Also, what do jeeps have to do with it?
OOP: Jeep owner leaves little rubber ducks on other jeep owners cars, there’s an FB group on it! It’s a cute little community thing
The hiding ducks was a trend on tiktok a couple of years ago , the ducks are tiny under a centimeter big. You are meant to hide them both in plain sight and in silly places. One duck made it’s way into one directors office and his empty coffee mug.
[editor’s note- can confirm, I’ve had a few contracts with an opera company where someone hid a bunch of tiny ducks in random places. It definitely brought a smile to my face to find them!]
Commenter: Are you a gay man? Trying to figure out if they’re applying some kind of homophobic interpretation to your actions. You know…. With you trying to groom all the men and children……
OOP: Lol no I’m a straight female. However she is transphobic and homophobic. She doesn’t make outward comments but one of my brothers is gay and the other is trans. Whenever I mentioned them she is unhappy
Commenter: Every accusation is a confession, they say […]
OOP: Yes it does feel that way. Most times she’s insulted me it’s because she’s insecure of something and will take it out on me.
E.g. her Dr told her to lose weight. That was the day she told me I was so fat I should be dead.
She was told she has high cholesterol so she took my tea out of my hands and wouldn’t allow me to put sugar in because I was killing myself.
She was reprimanded at work for wearing flip flops and vest tops to the office. so she insulted my clothes.
The list goes on and on
Not sure how child grooming fits into it though.
Mini update in Comments: February 7, 2025
I spoke to the director yesterday and he was a sweetheart and made me feel a lot better about the whole situation. I think i am going to continue with a grievance and at least then in the future her nastiness will be taken as evidence.
He did say while vile he doesn’t think its a sackable offence yet but did also say the only thing he was aware of at the time of the conversation was that she had called me a child groomer. None of the history. So it will still be investigated full if i raise the grievance.
Brought up conflicting feelings as i don’t want it to escalate/ her to lose her job, i just don’t want to be insulted in the workplace.
Comments:
Commenter: Well, at least you’ve got lots of witnesses. If she’s truly disliked in your workplace as the ‘problem colleague’ then they’ll back you up
OOP: Yes I spoke to one of the ladies today, the grievance form makes you state the witnesses and I wanted to make sure they were comfortable with me putting them down and she was lovely and said she’d support in any way she could.
Update Post: February 26, 2025 (3 weeks later)
So it has been three weeks since my co-worker called me a child groomer and my manager called us into a meeting where I called out her poor behaviour over the past two years. Since then I have not heard or spoken to my co-worker. She ignores any work related message and is refusing to come into the office. She is working from home although I can’t see that much work is being done.
She has recently asked a department that I have been working closely with if she can join them in their office if she has to come into work.
HR have asked us if we would both be willing to attend mediation. I said yes. I am not sure what my co-workers response was but since it was due to start this week and has not, i assume she refused to it.
I was going to raise a grievance over this but I was invited to a job interview at a company I had previously applied for and was offered the job. Contract signed and notice handed in!
Some of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: Oooooo!!! If they ask are you g…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1khh6nm/new_update_coworker_claims_that_i_groom_children/
Some of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: Oooooo!!! If they ask are you going to mention that how they botched this incident inspired you to see what else was available?
Congratulations!
OOP: Oh of course, my work do exit interviews so it will all be being brought up!
OOP adds a bit more context to the story:
I hid little ducks around the office. She joined in. Had a great time. Two days later called me a child groomer. I got upset as I was groomed as a child. Which anyone could work out considering how old I was when I had my first child. (She has my DOB on our central system and our children are the same age). I went to my manager upset. She called us into a meeting together. Co-worker walked in and immediately mocked me for being upset because she was only joking. I got even more upset and called her out on her behaviour (There isnt a week this woman doesn’t insult or belittle me in some way). When asked WTF she thought was similar to child grooming she said it was like I luring children with sweets but with the ducks in a 18+ office. OOP follows up with another comment: Just to add, while I am the most frequently insulted/belittled by her, she does do it to the other staff too. A colleague in another department has just told me she reached out to problem colleague asking for help with a task yesterday and got a very passive aggressive response back, her question was answered but she was made to feel stupid. She did read the email responses out loud to her bank of desks, the head of HR was sitting opposite her at the time. Lots of tuts but nothing else.
Commenter: I’m sure you know this, but your co-worker should have been fired on the spot. You can let them know in your exit interview that if this same co-worker continues to spread accusations about you in this workplace, they’ll be liable for allowing it to go on.
OOP: She should have. The fact she didn’t and multiple people also heard and reported it and still she didn’t and still hasn’t faced any repercussion and is instead breaking our hybrid working agreement etc. It was time to leave. The new job is a step up with better pay and better hours so at least I have that going for me.
Commenter: I’m constantly amazed at companies like this. I’m over here wondering will I be laid off if I don’t adhere to the ever changing rules…and there are companies that bend over backwards to accommodate a poorly performing person who then just refuses to come in.
OOP: There seems to be one rule for the problem people and one rule for the rest of us. I don’t think I would get away with insulting people like that, especially to superiors!
On a happier note regarding ducks:
Its such a small but fun thing to do! I know it wouldn’t work in most offices but for the people I had planned it for it went down a treat! It is a work friends big birthday in a couple of weeks. She missed out on the ducks and was disappointed about it so we are planning a little scavanger hunt through our local high street for her (Shes a well known resident) and ending it at her fave restaurant. I’m planning on little envelopes with clues and a little duck in each envelope too
OOP’s username:
Haha the username was random generated but I did wonder if anyone would comment on it when I posted 🤣
**New Update Post: May 1, 2025 (over 2 months later)*
It’s been 3 months since my coworker accused me of grooming children because I made up an office scavenger hunt. I’m afraid this isn’t a very exciting update and not much has happened between me and Problem Coworker.
A few comments have asked for ages. She is mid 50s and I am 30. We are both married.
Just over a month ago, me and problem coworker spoke over teams. I apologised for losing my temper following the child grooming comment and she apologised for how I “took” the child grooming comment. Problem coworker then stated that she will not communicate with me again as she doesn’t know how I will react to her comments. And is now worried for my mental health. She has previously mocked my self harm scars and called me an attention seeker.
We have had no further contact.
HR set up a mediation meeting with a union. We had to have individual one on one meetings and then an all day meeting with us together with the mediator.
My individual meeting was non eventful. I outlined everything that had happened and said that I felt mediation was just the companies tick box exercise to prevent me claiming constructive dismissal and show they had taken a reasonable step to prevent conflict. The mediator said he could not respond. He did pressure me that I needed to hear out her side and she was very apologetic and upset about it all. I then had to explain a situation with a temp hire where PC (Problem coworker) shouted and insulted the temp, they then had an argument and PC cried saying they didn’t want to hurt people. The next time they saw each other (a year later) PC insulted her weight. I also brought up that the silent treatment now is another form for bullying as I am being left out of key meetings and decisions and it is affecting my work.
We did not attend the mediation full day meeting. Unfortunately my dad passed away unexpectedly the weekend before. I had already arranged a DRs app because I had developed a facial twitch and I Don’t want go into tmi but other unpleasant side effects. The DR originally signed me off for 2 weeks but when I mentioned my dad had died that weekend it was extended to a month. With the proviso that I have an additional meeting before the fit note ended in case I couldn’t face returning to the company.
I won’t lie that was the worst month of my life and coming back to this mess was absolutely awful. I’m so grateful that the Dr’s took me seriously as my mum didn’t cope and we (my siblings) alternated staying with her until she was stable, which I wouldn’t have been able to do without the month off. My parents live a 10 hour round trip away for me and further for my siblings.
I originally had 2 weeks left of my notice period when I returned. On my first day back my manager pulled me into a meeting to say that she and HR were worried about my mental health and wanted me to have a phased return to work so asked me to WFH the rest of the week. My final day was also moved up due to outstanding annual leave.
I was in the office less than 2 hours on my first day back before the first person approached me for help because they had been trying to work with PC but she had been rude and dismissive.
PC has applied for numerous internal jobs and been rejected for them all, one of which was with the first person to approach me for help!
PC has continued to refuse all communication with me. I could see that she had a meeting with one of the directors but aside from that I’m not sure what else happened following the child groomer comments.
I was very spoilt by office friends and they made a fuss with a lovely lunch out on my final day and some thoughtful gifts.
After lunch I had my exit interview, where i was asked why I left, would I consider coming back, how do I rate the company. It was not a fun meeting and I was very critical of HR and the company. I did state that had PC been handled properly from the start I wouldn’t have considered leaving the company.
I’m a week free of that company and my facial twitch has already stopped!
There might be further sightings of PC as I work part time for a sister company, they have not managed to find a replacement for me so I will continue in the role until a replacement is found but there will not be a need for us to communicate.
OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: I’m so sorry for your loss of your Father.
PC seems also to have mental health issues. I’m not excusing their behavior. There is no excuse for bullying. OP, I know you’ve gone over this a million times in your head and with others. Do you see how she dropped a bomb, (in front of others, was it?) then pitifully offers, “I’m sorry you took that for a bomb.”
But if others heard it - the word was OUT.
She’s the nut and I am so glad you’ve extricated from the place!
Take good care.
OOP: Yes I do think she has something mental health issues. She at the least is bitterly unhappy with how her life has turned out. Yes that is what happened. A lot of incidents I’ve mentioned in previous posts have been one on one but the later ones were said and done in front of colleagues. I had 2 colleagues reach out and also provide a statement to HR following the grooming comments.
Commenter: May PC step on all the legos.
And hopefully you’ll never have to see her again. I hope the new job is excellent too
OOP: Bless you thank you, I’m really excited to have this chapter of my life behind me!
Editor’s note: On a happy note, big thank you to the BORU user who was inspired by the first post to start putting ducks around their office. Last I heard people hadn’t figured out who was behind it but loved it!
