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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-05-09 04:02:01+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/undyingkittenman

Went on date with girl, hit it off with her friend

Originally posted to r/dating_advice

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

MOOD SPOILER: Cruel

Original Post Apr 29, 2025

I met up with a girl at a bar with her friends - our first time meeting. The girl I met up with and I had fun, kissed a little, was fine…

But her friend and I really seemed to connect, she was with a guy but said they’d only hung out twice. Now the girl I met up with wants another date, but she said she’s going out with a lot of people right now and doesn’t really know what she wants - idk if I wana waste my time with that.

Is it fucked if I follow her friend on Instagram in hopes of a follow back so I can dm to grab a drink sometime? Ofc the worst she can say is no (and her friend that I went out with would stop talking to me) but I need you people to help me ignore my moral compass here to make the move. Thanks.

TOP COMMENTS

TheGribblah

Option 1.) The polite but risky thing to do is be up front with girl #1 that you had a great time with her but just don’t see long-term potential, and ask if it is okay with her if you give things a shot with her friend. The risk here is she gets upset and and poisons the well with girl #2. The upside is she helps set you up and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Option 2.) Cool things off with girl #1 and covertly pursue her friend. Establish your connection with girl #2 (if it works out) and then together decide how to disclose the relationship to girl #1. This is likely to lead so some sort of awkward situation and risks making you appear a little slimy for going behind her back, but keeps the control of your destiny more in your hands.

Really depends on if you think girl #1 is chill enough to facilitate option #1 for you. And she just might be if she indeed has lots of good dating prospects herself.

~

angels-food-cake

This happened to me. I went on a 2nd date with a guy and he later met my friend. He was attractive, but I wasn’t attracted to his personality. He hit it off with my friend and kindly texted me and asked if it was ok if he pursued my friend, he even offered to set me up with one of his friends (I declined this offer). He was nice about it so I texted my friend, and she was interested so I gave him her number. They went on a couple dates, and didn’t work out in the long run. But it didn’t bother me

Update May 2, 2025

I took your guys advice, and decided to do it the nice way. I asked the girl I had gone on a couple dates with if I could grab her friends number, since it seemed like me and the girl I originally went out with were looking for different things (she was talking about all the dates with other guys she had lined up), and I liked talking to her friend a lot.

She said yes, and gave me her friends number and told me she would be happy to help. Said if I wanted any advice to let her know, whenever I needed it.

I then texted her friend, mentioned how I had enjoyed talking to her and would love to grab a drink sometime. She responded that she felt the exact same and would love to. From there, the texting was kinda dry which had me confused - so I texted the girl I originally went out with, saying I appreciate her help but it doesn’t seem like her friend was interested…

It was then that she revealed that it was her guy friend this whole time who’s number she’d given me, they both then said some rather mean things, and they seemed to get great joy out of fucking with me. I responded, “fair play haha”. That’s that.

I shot my shot, nothing else I can do. Not even mad, just surprised people like this exist, especially in the late 20s.

Edit: I don’t want this to be an opportunity for people to virtue signal to themselves that this will happen to them or that people are inherently evil. ALWAYS SHOOT YOUR SHOT. I would and I will do it again. You can do it, and so can I. Wanted to make sure that the vibe on this post isn’t too negative. Love you guys.

Edit 2: Life is short. To those of you saying I’m a dick for being honest to myself and those around me… so be it, I’m a dick then.

TOP COMMENTS

Rift36

Garbage humans.

Rockerblocker

I’d be really tempted to start signing up those phone numbers for all kinds of spam texts and calls after that

Tilgz

People get a kick playing with other people’s emotions. I know OP is optimistic but I think that those people deserve to be called out. Garbage people only do this because they think they can get away with it. They should be confronted on the spot.

~

hy3k

For anyone reading this, remember other people putting you down is a reflection of themselves, not you.

I pity people who need to put others down to make themselves feel better. It really shows how little they think of themselves, which is quite ironic

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