This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Ok-Peak9537 on 2025-05-11 11:18:51+00:00.
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Stellar Jim’s Guide To The Universe
*Threat assessment: that’s what traveling is all about. Are they bigger ‘en you? Avoid ‘em. Smaller? Feel free to take advantage, but do your best to know their species, cause sometimes somethin’ smaller ‘en you? Well, t’ain’t ‘xactly weaker. Power always scales, and it always, **Always** circles back to the tomato method. Hey, stop, don’t touch that, that’s my drink… I don’t care what the doctor says, Stellar Jim does what he wants! Anyhow, the tomato method… It’s the Bloody Mary of a good time in space.*
You’ve got strength their ability to crush a tomato. Dexterity is their ability to shoot a tomato. Constitution their ability to take a hit and eat a bad tomato. Intelligence knowing that tomatoes are, in fact, a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put tomatoes in a fruit salad. And Charisma selling a tomato-based fruit salad… It’s called Salsa Janine, I swear… But people aren’t always aware of those hidden stats and factors. Those figures are: Luck, adaptability, and sanity. Luck is easy, it’s all about coming across the right tomato at the right time. Adaptability is your way out of a situation, possibly with a tomato launcher. Sanity is dealing with this galaxy and the horrors it contains… like that eldritch tomato being on Zurdo IV… I don’t care if he was asking for directions Janine that fucker was unnatural! Now gimme my scotch, this journal entry is done… Why are you still rolling?
Abridged version
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Noelle
Noelle Ate, and ate. Sara had more in her that should probably be discarded than kept. As Noelle ate, she got to see Sara’s memories. She got to see a girl, the product of an abusive home riddled with domestic violence and abuse, flee. At age 9, Sara had gotten her first true taste of freedom, only for station security to haul her right back not even a day later. She managed to flee again at ages 12, 14, and 17, each time avoiding the authorities for longer, telling better lies, and surrounding herself with people she could manipulate. But on a small station, there’s nowhere she could hide for long. At 19 came the incident. A military ship docked, and an Angel came aboard the station. Noelle was indifferent at first, but then that Angel met her father. Her father didn’t make it. Her abuser is dead… Noelle latched on. Her Angel, her Lord, had saved her, and she would do anything for him. When she told him as much, he just smiled and took her away from it all. He helped train her, along with others, to be his eyes, ears, and pawns on the board. It had been 8 years since the conflict. 8 years since the Angel had fallen. Her Lord needed help. Sara would give it to him. Noelle saw all of Sara’s missions. She kept the useful knowledge and discarded the rest. Next, Noelle worked on refining her body. She’d ditch the stretching ability Sara gained. She’d keep the Shriek. Noelle the Drider began to adapt.
Her eight eyes became four. She stood on two legs. Her hands had retractable claws. Her spider-limbs now came from the small of her back, the chitin still as hard. She debated changing her hair color but decided to keep it. White wasn’t that bad. Her chest was already bigger than Sara’s was. Now on to the ass… Noelle honestly wasn’t sure of its function but watching Micheal’s eyes linger on both his girls asses so she wanted a nice one. She went for an Athletic look and a tight, almost heart-shaped ass. She kept her other biology the same, except that she moved where she spun her webbing. She changed her spinnerets to the now semi-vestigial spider limbs that emerged from her lower back. She slimmed her waist next. Her modifications had made her tall. Possibly taller than Michael, so she shortened herself to be just shorter than Thalia. Hopefully, splitting the difference would make her more appealing. Noelle smiled, her fangs on display. Remembering them, she shrank them.
Noelle took her first steps as a Void humanoid, the transformation had taken over two hours. She was tired, but eager to find her chosen mate.
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Ariadne
Ariadne had kept watch over her information network, complete even in her own home. She watched her daughter Noelle struggle with her decision before finally feasting on the wretched woman. She looked over at Cannagh’s body, he would be valuable for her daughter, too. Ariadne had the Comatose Angel’s body brought to Noelle. Her daughter would be the best she could be. By extension, her daughter would help Michael, and Michael would hopefully help her biggest customer, who was already on his way to meet him.
“Oh, the wicked webs we weave,” Ariadne said to herself.
“What wasss that mother?” Asked one of her nameless offspring.
“Nothing, dear child, back to work.” Ariadne had so many schemes and irons in the fire that it was hard to keep track. But she had to admit this was certainly a lot more favorable than her time as a Crime lord in Tanlyon II. Back then, every two-bit lawman with a badge kept trying to put her down. She only killed when necessary, of course, but she definitely gave the others Arachnophobia.
She smiled wickedly at the Memory as Michael walked in.
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Michael
I walked in with Thalia, who had recovered, and Mel, who was still bouncing happily that I had regained control over my powers. Ariadne sat on her throne; in fact, it looked like she barely ever moved.
“Welcome back, darling, It seems like you had a successful mission.” She said warmly.
I nodded, feeling like I was missing something.
“Good, good, you and your team worked wonderfully, especially with my daughter’s assistance. Now on to payment. I can pay you in credits or information. But don’t decide now, dear, as I have 2 more jobs lined up for you. One is on its way here, the other? Well, it’s my daughter, Noelle, the one you fought with? It appears she’s become rather fixated. Now I don’t wish to alarm you, but you will have to take her with you…. If you don’t… well, I fear for everyone’s safety. A woman scorned and all that.”
Now I saw what was missing, and the fact that this Wily old woman was steamrolling me. I didn’t necessarily like that and tapped into my gravitational power.
Everybody froze.
Ariadne sighed. “It seems I will have to refresh your memory, little Michael. My species endures the vacuum of space. That corridor you flew through to reach this station was made by our webbing. The same with the perimeter around the station. The older we get. The stronger we get. Now I will forgive your actions as you’ve lost your memory for old times’ sake, but do not mistake my complacency for weakness; the law of hospitality only applies so long as no attempt is made. I will abide by it. You may be able to survive being blasted out of an airlock, but your girls? Not so much. Now let’s get back to being civil, shall we?”
I nodded, feeling like I had been scolded.
“Good, now you’ll take Noelle, I’ll pay you if I have to, but she’ll be a complete darling for you, a complete darling. As for the other mission, well, He’s on his way. I was supposed to stall you for a week, but I’m not doing that much cloak-and-dagger shenanigans right now. Think of that knowledge as a welcome to the family package.” Ariadne’s switch from pissed off to jovial was giving me whiplash, but I had to respect it.
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Noelle
Mother brought me another body. This one is ugly. And Irish. Noelle feasted. His memories were gone, his regeneration still worked. This was going to take forever. Noelle knew what she would keep from this former Angel. She’d take his Strength, his regeneration, and his durability. She supposed, if Michael didn’t look at her the way she wanted, she could be his shield until he did. Sara had manipulated people in life-or-death situations before. So their relationship might begin with the Nightingale effect, but Noelle would work to make it real. She was not selfish… she could share…. Mostly.
Noelle was done eating, she was finally ready for her mate. She was fast, strong, durable, cunning, she had the looks, now it was all about winning her man.
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Dr. Zainin
He had turned away from watching when his new experiment trashed the place. He had sent a subtle command to turn on the stations’ power. This would allow him back into the system. But imagine his surprise when one of his experiments fought and killed his latest experiment.
“Oh, Michael, you naughty, naughty boy, you are very very far from home.
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