This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Majestic_Teach_6677 on 2025-05-16 12:09:32+00:00.

Haasha’s journey started in Crew Application Accepted. If you like what you read, that’s where the insanity began and further episodes will be more one-shot format.

This story does refer to events in Crew Member Medical Exam and could be considered a spoiler, but I’ll also admit that chapter is lengthy and if you’re new to the series this might be a more fun starting point.

Captain Victor stared at the timestamp on the video and compared it to the timestamp on the message he received from Haasha on his datapad.

26 minutes.

Just 26 minutes.

That was the difference between the time of the incident and the timestamp of Haasha’s acceptance of the job offer to join the TEV Ursa Minor. She set a new record for zero to troublemaker. Previously, the dumbest new crew member he could remember working with waited a day before breaking the rules, and that idiot just had a minor infraction to his name. No, this was serious. If the reports were correct, there were three infractions, and only one of them could be forgiven as Haasha wasn’t human.

He pulled up the written reports and skimmed them. Universally, there were mentions of nudity and streaking in the mess hall. Most of the reports were complimentary or in some cases openly jealous, and the majority of the reports weren’t really reports but requests for permission to get a copy of the incident to show friends, family, or other crew members. None of that excused the matter. Rules should be followed.

It was one report in particular which concerned him as it mentioned two additional items to bring it to the total of three infractions. One of those was an unbelievable infraction so serious he needed to review the security footage to be sure the report was accurate. After all, he couldn’t just pull Haasha aside for a stern talking to without proof.

He logged into the security system and pulled up the video file and hit play. It all happened so fast he wasn’t able to take it all in. He replayed the file and again… too fast. There was just a pink blur flying across the screen and some arm motions at the end he couldn’t see as the angle was too wide. Well, let’s handle one infraction at a time.

He set the replay speed to slow and restarted the video. Even slowed down, it was impressive how quickly Haasha moved. It was quite clear she was wearing nothing but the pink fur she was born in. The motion reminded him of a video he once saw of a basilisk lizard running on water. As she streaked across the mess hall, she kept her arms tucked in. It definitely reminded him of all the old T-rex cartoons where the poor beast couldn’t reach anything with his little stubby arms. But that illusion was broken as Haasha got close to Lynn. Haasha extended her arms to their full length and launched herself onto Lynn’s chest with precision. Lynn looked gleeful to have one bright pink space dino in her arms, so thankfully he didn’t have to worry about an assault charge.

Infraction one, streaking. Confirmed.

He hadn’t considered that Haasha might walk around without clothes. She was smuggled onto the ship wearing coveralls and shoes and came to the job interview wearing said clothing. When he got the update from Doctor Franklin mentioning that she would be more comfortable walking around “in the fur”, that led to questions he would need to address so the crew wouldn’t freak out or act inappropriately. Does Haasha mind being touched? What would be considered acceptable, and what crosses the line? If scritches are acceptable, are they preferred on the arm, the back, behind the ears?

It frustrated him that he wasn’t given a chance to clarify things with her and get some ground rules posted to prevent problems. He’d need to address that she should consult him or the First Officer before taking matters into her own hands.

He went back to the video and zoomed in to a close up of Haasha comfortably resting on Lyn’s chest. He pressed play. His mind faltered with disbelief at what he saw. He played it again. And again.

Haasha pulled her right hand back, casually flipped the bird, and then used said bird to boop Lynn’s snoot.

Giving the finger? That’s a quick cultural lesson about what it means to flip someone off and an opportunity to ask Haasha if there are any gestures the crew should be aware of which would bother her. But the booping?

The universal law is clear. When one sees cute, boop the snoot.

The cute does not boop your snoot. It just isn’t done.

He would be stern. He would be authoritative. He would not cave like he did many years ago when Clinton the kitty destroyed an entire jumbo package of toilet paper and made his living room look like it snowed indoors. He would be clear that universal laws would be obeyed.

He most definitely would not give in and let Haasha boop his snoot.