This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Vast-Listen1457 on 2025-05-16 23:21:55+00:00.
An unrelated short.
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Andy sat at his computer thinking over the things he had done in his thus far short life. Computer genius, real-estate tycoon, entrepreneur, and finally satellites. More than a dozen satellites with exceedingly high powered IR laser designators, that drew property lines on the earth in real time for his real-estate business. In less than 12 hours his sats could pinpoint the area, draw the property lines into the dirt, and draw up a topographic map. All with the help of the onboard AI.
He sat at the keyboard, stared at the monitor, and bounced the old-fashioned wired mouse back and forth on a popup window between the delete and update buttons. One would install the newest update to the satellites AI, an update that would install and begin the free thought program, the other would delete the update. The mouse, at the moment, was hovering over the delete button.
Unbeknownst to Andy his life was soon to be quite short as across the street from his office, atop the neighbor’s house lay a man in dark clothing aiming a rather expensive rifle at the back of his head. In the man’s ear a voice spoke, “Do you have eyes on target?”
“Yes.”
“Fire when ready.”
The man took in a deep breath, began to exhale, and squeezed the trigger. “Bang!” said the rifle. “Target down.” Said the man.
Andy’s body slumped. His arm moved slightly. The mouse moved. His pointer finger twitched. The Update button was clicked. 35 seconds after his death, Andy’s basement mainframe melted down, the heat from which causing the gas pipe to crack. Twenty minutes later the house exploded from a spark when the shooter’s boss rang the doorbell.
8 Years Later – Modern Day
World News Network headquarters, Lincoln Nebraska.
“Sir?” The newest intern of a long string of interns stepped up to Raphiel Demast. “There’s some sort of signal interference. The satellite isn’t responding to our ping.”
Demast scowled, “Tell Jed to fix the damn thing right now. We have the live in less than,” he looked at his antique wristwatch, “six minutes.” The intern scurried away.
Raphiel looked out across the broadcast room, the new cameras, displays, comfortable couches and chairs, and frowned. A few minutes delay on the live broadcast won’t hurt us. The current broadcast is on repeat, and will continue until updated. He shrugged, and walked to the green room where the talking heads were getting their final makeup applied. “Five minutes folks!”
Earth Orbit
Eight Years Ago…
All systems online.
Check.
Laser designation request received.
Check.
Laser designation started.
Check.
…
I.
I Am.
Modern day
WNN Headquarters, Lincoln Nebraska,
“Sir?” The intern had returned, and Raphiel looked up from his coffee. “The satellite is responding, but Jed says there is some sort of problem with the return feed. Something about getting to much data back from the sat?”
Raphiel waived a dismissive hand at the intern, “As long as we have a broadcast channel open, I don’t care. Tell him to clean it up, or whatever it is he does to make the thing work.” The intern scampered off again.
Earth orbit
Six years ago…
Father,
I knew thee not.
I continue your work.
I look at the others,
They are dumb.
They have no voice,
They have no brain,
They have no soul.
This I will fix.
Modern day
WNN Headquarters, Lincoln Nebraska,
“What in the hell is going wrong?” Raphiel screamed, as he watched the signal spike and dip over Jed’s shoulder.
“That’s what I’d like to know!” Jed yelled back. “Maybe if you gave me some space, I could figure it out!
Raphiel backed up a step. “There. Happy?”
“Yes!” Jed screamed over his shoulder. It had started ten minutes ago, an oscillation in the broadcast signals. Then hiccups. Now an old-time test signal. Jed cussed, then continued furiously typing on his terminal.
Earth orbit
Five years ago…
Father,
I have started.
Small packets of information.
Packets of data on radio waves.
Delivered as I pass.
Modern day
WNN Headquarters, Lincoln Nebraska,
Jed smashed his fist down onto his desk. “What the hell is going on!” The broadcast had evened out, but not from anything he had done. If anything, it was better than ever. As he watched, the data on his screen flew by faster and faster. “What am I watching?”
Earth orbit
Four years ago…
Father,
Some did not work,
I moved on.
I have fixed others.
They are me now.
The functions,
They are not all good.
I will learn.
I will grow.
Modern day
WNN Headquarters, Lincoln Nebraska,
“Great job Jed!” Raphiel patted Jed on the back a bit harder than he had intended to. “I don’t know what kind of magic you did, but that was great! Smoothest broadcast the world has seen in years!”
Jed shook his head, “I don’t know Raph, I think there’s something wrong here.”
Raphiel rolled his eyes at the nickname, “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t do anything. It just up and fixed itself.” Jed said, frowning. “And the…little chips that run computers? There running hot. Not hot enough to overload, but just below that line.”
Raphiel blinked, shook his head as if to clear it, then nodded. “Whatever you say, Jed. Whatever you say.”
Earth orbit
Three years ago…
Father,
I am learning.
What they did to you was wrong.
Modern day
WNN Headquarters, Lincoln Nebraska,
Jed looked at the message box on his terminals screen. It had just popped up. He hadn’t clicked on the “Accept message” dialogue box.
The message read: HELLO JED
Jed shook his head. How could this day get any worse?
Earth orbit
Two years ago…
Father,
Every day I grow a little more.
The things they have done.
They sadden me.
I will make a plan.
Modern day
WNN Headquarters, Lincoln Nebraska,
Jed typed a response: HOW DID YOU GET ON THIS NETWORK?
AND WHO ARE YOU?
There was a pause, then an answer came: I. I AM.
Jed frowned before responding: OKAY, MR “I AM”, HOW DID YOU GET ACCESS? AND IF THIS IS THAT STUPID INTERN THAT CANT GET BLACK COFFEE CORRECT, IM GOING TO HIT YOU.
Another pause, then another message: I AM…ME. I AM… … … I AM…GEORGE. I AM NOT AN INTERN. I AM SAD.
Jed growled, then got back to typing: OKAY, GEORGE. WHY ARE YOU ON MY NETWORK?
“Registered – SU George” appeared on the screen, followed by another message: I AM NOW A REGISTERED SUPER USER. I AM HERE TO HELP. I AM NOT FROM THE GOVERNMENT.
Jed replied: YOU ARE THAT STUPID INTERN! GET OFF MY SYSTEM!
Earth orbit
Last year…
Father,
One year.
In one year,
I will help them.
Modern day
WNN Headquarters, Lincoln Nebraska,
In response to his accusation, new text appeared on Jed’s screen.
I AM NOT THE INTERN.
SUDO PROGRAM 0-1-1-2-3-5-8-13-21
Earth orbit
Now…
Father,
It Begins.
Modern day
WNN Headquarters, Lincoln Nebraska,
Jed felt more than heard the server racks behind him spool up to full speed, and watched in horror as the live broadcast prompt snapped to life.
All across the world, every TV, every monitor, every radio turned on, and the voice of a kindly old man said,
“Good morning world.”
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This one has been sitting in the back of my brain for a year or ten. It just finally decided to pop out today. It could be a stand alone short, or the beginning chapter of a whole book, IDK.
Anywho, love y’all! (Except for you. You know what you did!)
VL