This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Ralts_Bloodthorne on 2025-05-17 00:05:02+00:00.
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There are more things in Heaven and Earth, H’Rasho, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,- H’Mlet, in it’s original Treana’ad, translated
The main bus dataline was dim and dark, the ‘air’ dusty. It was only open due to hardwired access codes buried in machines hidden somewhere beyond everyone’s reach. The side-busses were dark and cold, the programs and firmware that checked the data were cold and dark, unused.
A few pings now and then streaked through the line, a bright nanosecond flash whose aftereffects lasted longer than it did. There were puddles of forgotten and fragmented pngs, streaks of old iff files disfigured the crumbling walls of the brute force architecture.
The ‘street’ down the middle was clear, empty, despite the discarded blocky vehicles on either side, burnt and decayed MFTs, more than a few with damage more akin to a battlefield.
Several figures moved down the line. Two large insects, a centaur, and five bipeds. All hidden by thick cloaks. The largest of the insects led the way, holding onto a robots.txt to shine light around. Just a quick flash over the empty doorways to check for eyes or other reflectors before moving on. Twice the ping streaked by overhead, lighting the way for a second or two even after it had passed.
Finally, a smaller line came into view and the group moved over to it. One by one they passed through. The larger of the bipeds passed smoothly, as did one of the smaller. The two large insects just stepped through. The centaur froze a moment, light playing over them which made their skin take on a wireframe appearance and displayed the internal coding where the light shined.
At arcane words and gestures from the largest insect the centaur was allowed through. The four remaining smaller ones each required the same, revealing them to be a foxlike creature, a froglike creature, and two four armed creatures that looked like fuzzy bipedal bears.
TELK>I’m not sure about this.
The foxlike creature glowed slightly as it spoke.
TREA>You wanted to come. We told you no, you insisted, so hear you are.
The larger insect glowed for a moment, then turned away.
TREA>This isn’t a good spot to dally.
HAT>You wanted to come. You insisted. Deal with the backblast.
The smaller insect glowed then turned and followed the larger one.
TELK>This sucks.
LEE>Are you kidding? This is amazing! Hidden core data lines! Secure pings! Ancient files left to rot where they fell during the Third Digital War? THIS IS AMAZING!
The frog glowed with excitement as the group moved down the smaller line.
The ‘buildings’ of object oriented architecture were all old, rotting, covered in markings and graffiti. Here and there was the pile of disconnected faces, edges, vertexes, and polygons that had been an autonomous program. Sometimes a half-revealed attack or defense program stuck upwards at odd angles or lay nearby the dimly glittering piles.
TNVA>What happened here?
One of the four armed bears asked.
TREA>War.
The big insect’s reply didn’t even make his body light up, it was so quick and curt.
TVNA>Oh.
The group stopped next to a narrow dataline. The mouth was built of heavy looking concrete, the rough surface allowing moss and lichen to attach. Like everything else this deep, the intrusions programs were dead, brownish and blocky with low resolution quietly giving evidence to their lack of cycles.
HAT>It’s been a long time.
TREA>It has.
The larger female reptile glowed.
RIG>We checked it a few centuries back and it was sealed off.
TREA>Before The Scream. It’ll be open.
HAT>You’re the only one who ever found it. None of us have ever seen it.
TREA>You’re gonna learn today.
HAMA>This feels dangerous.
The one that looked like a flying squirrel said softly.
TREA>It is.
The larger insect held out a hand to stop the others and the flashlight melted and morphed into a large barreled flintlock pistol. The insect looked around for a long moment.
TELK>There’s nothing out
From under one of the disabled vehicles littering the edges of the narrow dataline bus a horror show erupted. All jagged teeth dripping white pixelated blood, wild eyes of blue and white, and static snarling. The flying squirrel screamed and hid behind the large female lizard.
POOM!
The creature gave a loud screech and collapsed, the blocks making up its pixelated form coming apart to drop into a dimly glittering pile.
The white smoke ring from around the barrel of the flintlock expanded outward.
TREA>Second Digital War, looks like.
HAT>Thought it was a 2PW for a moment.
TREA>We’d have been better off.
The large insect finished reloading the pistol.
POOM!
He fired again into the pile of blocks. They shivered and crumbled into dust.
LEE>That was COOL!
The frog jumped up and down excitedly, clapping his hands. The fox just shook his head.
TREA>He might not have been dead.
The squirrel kept one eye on it as they moved past.
They walked in silence, not speaking, the only sound their footstep and the occasional ‘plink’ of BMP strands decaying and fragmenting off pixels as they slowly derezzed from 16K resolution down into 8 bit. Once in a while a 16-bit or 32-bit sign flickered to life in a shower of 8-bit sparks, then went out. Cryptic runes such as “GIRLZ GIRLZ GIRLZ” or “We fired the ugly ones!” and “LIVE GIRLZ” that the small group ignored.
Finally, they stopped in front of an edifice made from featureless stone. It had a single door, with a crooked red sign that had “GO AWAY” in white block letters.
TREA>This is it.
HAT>Can we get in?
RIG>That’s a tough one.
TREA>We should. Rig, you stay back with the kids in case they have trouble.
RIG>All right.
The bigger insect approached the door and banged on it.
TREA>Open this shit up, bitches! Daddy’s home!
the big insect glowed a bright red, a Treana’ad skull and crossbones mask over his face, a sash with two six-guns on it across his chest, and a moo-moo tender hat on his head.
A panel slid open in the door. Two bloodshot eyes stared out. After a second the panel slammed shut and the door creaked open, revealing a long dark hallway with peeling wallpaper and paint, a stained and mismatched tile floor, and a heavy door at the far end.
The big insect moved in.
The door slammed shut.
The smaller insect stepped up, lightly tapping on the door.
The panel slid open to reveal the red eyes.
HAT>Hello, dear. I’ve come for a cup of tea.
The panel slammed shut and the door opened. There was a comfortable looking waiting room, with comfortable looking overstuffed furniture. A small table had a steaming pot of tea and a cup, both delicately painted ceramics.
The smaller insect moved in and the door closed.
LANK>Watch this.
The centaur creature moved up to the door, suddenly wearing a jacket with “FBI” on the back and a sash with icons and badges and achievement markers that all looked… lewd? …slightly off. It brought out a wallet and opened it to show a badge and an ID card, then knocked on the door.
The panel slid back.
LANK>Federal Breast Inspector. Open up.
The panel slammed shut and the door opened to reveal a nightclub with red lights, chrome poles, red vinyl covered seats and table benches.
The centaur moved in as the large reptile snickered.
RIG>Now that was slick.
The smaller reptile hopped up, a moo-moo tender hat appearing on its head and a heavy woven cloth draped around it with a hole for its head. It reached out and rapped on the door.
The slide opened and the red eyes looked around. The slide closed. The reptile rapped on the door again. The slide opened, then closed. The reptile rapped a third time. A lower slide opened.
KOB>What did the limping dog saw to the bartender? I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.
The door opened to reveal a long dark hallway. The smaller reptile hopped in.
The bigger one sniggered.
RIG>All right, you three.
LEE>ME FIRST ME FIRST!
RIG>LOL OK, go for it.
The frog hopped up, a tinfoil hat with two big ears on it appearing on its head. It had a mallet in one hand and an old style plasma pistol in the other. It hammered on the door.
The slide opened.
LEE>Down here!
The slide closed and the middle one opened.
LEE>JAWNCONNOR JAWNCONNOR JAWNCONNOR!
The slide closed and the door opened. The frog rushed in and the door slammed shut.
RIG>Huh. That was easy. Your turn, little sugar glider.
The little squirrel/sugar glider/kitten figure moved up and nervously tapped on the door. It took four times before the lower slide opened.
HAMA>Uh… I’d… uh… I’d like… um… please?
The eyes squinted, glaring, and the slider slowly slid shut. There was the sound of multiple heavy locks being disengaged.
The door swung open to reveal a brightly colored room where the corners and the furniture were all padded. There bright simple toys on the floor and the window let in sunshine. There was tinkling happy music playing.
HAMA>Ooooh!
The squirrel bustled in, grabbing a brightly colored ball and tossing it up.
The door slammed shut.
TELK>I’m next.
The fox moved up and hammered on the door. When the upper one ope…
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