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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Khadijakat on 2023-08-29 20:06:21.

My (F38) daughter (18) recently moved to Montreal (from London) to attend Uni. Also, my sister (42) lives there, ideal as she was happy to host my daughter during her studies.

Daughter (F) is usually very quiet and reserved & can happily spend the whole day in her bedroom.

My sister is single and works from home and she was eager to get some company although I did warn her that my daughter is more of an introvert so maybe not to get her expectations too high.

F arrived in Montreal, last Tuesday, after an 8 hrs flight and 4 further spent in immigration queues. She was exhausted but waited for another 2 hours at the airport for her aunt to pick her up so by the time they arrived home, she immediately went to bed.

The day after, they moved to a 2 bed apartment. I asked my sister to do this before F arrived or later to give her time to recover from the trip which she declined explaining that this was the perfect time for her as her only downtime at work.

Apparently, movers came late, cleaners did not show, so F was tasked with cleaning the entire place by herself.

I thought that would be the end of the issues, but I started getting complaints since then daily: F spends most of her time in her bedroom. F did not want any help getting her social security number (she was already told by the uni how to apply for it versus the fact that my sister wanted to make the application on her behalf). F was not cleaning unless asked, Not getting up on time & did not immediately showering. F only answers in yes and no, instead of full sentences (bearing in mind that she understands French, sister’s main language, but she is not fluent so sometimes finds it hard to give more details).

After several calls from my mother, as my sister has been venting to her, I called my sister yesterday to clear the air and explain to her that what she sees as rudeness and insolence, is not necessarily the case. Whilst speaking to her I also told her that I understood if she found it too hard to cohabitate with F, so we would be more than happy to just move F to a dorm room instead.

Apparently, that was a despicable thing for me to say and showed how ungrateful we are after all the sacrifices she made to accommodate F. I thought she was complaining about the extra rent payments incurred & offered to make up for it until she could move but that only made the situation worse.

She started cursing us and I must admit that at that point, I lost my cool and really went in on her nonsense and excessively high standards. She told us that F had 48 hours to get out or she would kick her out.

We promptly got her a dorm room, F is moving out today. Since then, family members have been calling me claiming that I should have made F try harder to integrate rather than moving her out.

Her dad and I truly believe that the atmosphere was too toxic so we made the right decision but due to all the calls, part of me wonders if we are in the wrong.