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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-05-18 04:02:02+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwra-adviceplsst
AITA for expecting my very rich sister to pitch in on my wedding after she said she would?
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole
TRIGGER WARNING: Entitlement, verbal abuse
Thanks to u/nomad_l17 for suggesting this BoRU & u/Valuable-Vacation396 for finding the links
Original Post Aug 17, 2023
Hi all, My (F35) mother married my stepdad when I was 17. He had a daughter from a previous marriage, Ellie (F29). We were never close because when they moved in with us Ellie was super super clingy, would always follow me around and basically stalk me in my own home. Your typical know-it-all, barely left the house, so basically had zero friends that werent online.
So Ellie managed graduate early and get into a really good college on scholarships, then got a masters there as well. Shes in engineering and her college is like apparently one of the best ones for engineering. So straight after graduating she was earning a crazy amount.
Shes been rubbing this in my face ever since she got the acceptance letter, when she was home she was always wearing the university hoodie, always talking about what shes doing at college, sending videos of robots and shit into the family groupchat. Now that shes earning so much its shit like her paying off our parents car loans for christmas or getting extravagant gifts for everyone. We had a few fights about it but we always made up.
So now onto this year, I got engaged last year in february to my fiance (M32). I asked my sister if she would pitch in and she said she would help out. Knowing she had the money I got to plan my dream wedding, I was so excited about planning our big day. That was all until I showed her the plans and she pulled the rug from beneath my feet. She asks me how Im paying for it (my husband and I didnt do college so are not high earners) and I reminded her that she said she would help. Shes now saying that she wont help pay for it and she will at the absolute most pay for my dress. I told her its unfair of her to lie to me and only tell me after planning everything that she isnt actually going to help.
She blew up at me over us not being close in the past and blaming me for it. It takes two people to bond. But she claims everythings my fault. We argued for a bit and now shes not even paying for my dress. All the wedding planning Ive done has been for nothing now. My parents are split, with my mom saying Ellie needs to honour her word and let me have the wedding I planned and we all pitch in what we can afford. My step-dad is angry I asked her in the first place and dug up some old arguments from when I was 17.
Aita for expecting her to do what she said?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
TaliesinWI
Info: was she _specific_ about what she’d pay for? If I offer to take my friend out for dinner he’s kind of an AH if he picks a $75/plate place. She might have figured she’d be helping with stuff like hall rental and dress costs, and you decided to soak her.
OOP
We didnt go over specifics since i asked her right when I started planning and realised it wouldve had to be very low budget without her help. I asked if shed be able to pitch in and she said she could. Then once i knew she was helping, and had a lot of money, I planned the wedding I actually wanted. She never asked me about the costs since she knew i was just starting to figure everything out. It wasnt until I went back to her with my final decisions on everything that she yanked the rug from under my feet.
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Spirited_Tip_7370
YTA. You admit you are not close, why should she pay?
OOP
Because shes earning a shittonne and we are family. The only reason she earns more than me is she got lucky and got into a crazy expensive school on a scholarship. I didnt go to college so now i should be forced into a wedding i dont want?
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Slight-Bar-534
YTA. Pay for your own wedding. Tacky asking her for money. She said she would help out,not pay for your dream wedding.
You sound jealous of her hard work and sucess
OOP
I have had to work WAY harder than her. Ive been minimum wage since 17 trying to make ends meet. She got handed a scholarship on silver platter and now shes set up for life.
lipgloss_addict
This isn’t how scholarships work. This isn’t how college works.
Unless you were born into generational wealth, you get what you work for and earn. Not what you deserve. This is true for everyone on earth.
OOP
I shouldve mentioned her college sorry. She went to MIT so the job she has now was gotten through mainly connections she made while there. Like our family isnt generational wealth but she got the chance to cosy up to those people and now shes one of them.
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sharethewine
Your circumstances in no way entitles you to anyone else’s money. Hell offering to pay for a dress is generous given you are a step-sister who, from the sounds of it, treats her poorly. If I were her I would never bother thinking about you ever again.
OOP
I dont treat her poorly. when she first moved in i admit i wasnt the kindest to her because i was 17 and she was a freaky kid. she had skipped two grades and was a total knowitall. She had no friends and used to practically stalk me. Always followed me around, asking to hang out with me and my friends, literally never left me alone for 2 years till she made some online friends and glued herself to the computer
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Ok_Stable7501
Info needed: how much brainwashing did it take to convince your fiancé with the whole stepsister that I’ve always hated pays for my dream wedding plan?
OOP
i never hated her. we just dont click well. i like talking about normal things and she comes in talking about some science shit thats going to allegedly change the world or some “interesting” fact she learned that everybody must know. shes just a bit grating. i dont hate her, we just dont mesh well
VERDICT: ASSHOLE
Update Aug 21, 2023 (4 days later)
Obviously none of you value family. One of you felt the need to track down Ellie and send her the post, which was unnecessary and cruel. She text me this yesterday morning with this:
Hey, someone sent me your reddit post. I am still processing all the things you said about me. I knew you didn’t care for me and I knew you resented me when we were kids - I didn’t know you were capable of denigrating my character to that extent. I have never done anything but treat you like a sister. Using my real name? All my personal information? To the extent that someone could google me and track me down that easily? You know I’m a private person. What if someone from work sees it? What if fucking anyone sees it? I left a comment in anger but I deleted it, I cannot believe you would make this so public and I should not be stooping to your level. As for the wedding, you’re on your own. I am not paying for anything, attending, or participating in any way. I do not deserve any of this. I’m blocking your number and I would appreciate if you didn’t try to contact me through other means. I’ve told Dad that if he wants to see me again he can come visit me, ideally we will not see each other again.
I talked to my fiance, and told him through tears what Ellie had done. Even HE turned on me. He started screaming at me about how I shouldnt have asked Ellie and how I didnt tell him during the planning that she was paying for it. I tried to explain to him but he wouldnt stop screaming at me. He called me names, screamed at me while i was already crying and then left.
She has everyone wrapped around her finger, shes so manipulative I dont know who I can even turn to right now because she has them all convinced shes so perfect. My mom is the only one I can trust right now. Ive gone to stay with her for a while. Ellie has been ruining my life since I was 17 and now shes managed to ruin my relationship. I cannot believe you people have sided with her when all shes ever done is destroy my life. She’s off in a whole other state and once again is facing no consequences to her actions. I found her work email online from a thing she published and messaged her. She still hasnt responded but I will let you all know when she does.
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