This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Sebastianlim on 2025-05-18 00:34:40+00:00.
**I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/bridaldressterror.**
Trigger Warnings: Crappy Parenting.
AITAH for not bringing the women on my family to wedding dress shopping?, Posted April 28th, 2025.
I am gonna be clear, if my father didn’t want a wedding, me and my fiancé would not be dealing with the preparation.
I(30F) have two brothers,two sisters and I am the middle child. My older sisters are twins(34F) and both them and my mother has always been really into girly stuff. Me,not so much. My brothers are 25M and 21M. My mom (59F) is into every stereotypical thing that women generally like. She likes dresses,house chores(yes she does),cooking,tea time with her girlfriends. Me,not that much. The problem I have is,I hate these things.
Growing up,I have always been a tomboy and I was mostly a daddy’s girl. My dad(61M) is a mechanic who also sells spare car parts and I love working with him,even still I sometimes help him even though I work as an engineer in an agricultural machinery company.
My mom is still not happy with my profession or my life choices but she begrudgingly accepted it when my father put the divorce as a possibility on the table after she tried to make me wear a frilly dress to my high school graduation. She was always persistent about me looking as a “pretty girl” but I hated that aesthetic. Right now though, I have long beautiful hair and I realized I liked wearing other stuff than buttoned shirts and jeans when my mom wasn’t there.
I met with my fiancé when he was an intern at my company in the accounting department. He is younger than me(26M) and this was a big problem for my mom but she didn’t try to intervene after I told her to back off.She also didn’t like the fact that my fiancé is an orphan and his family history is unknown.
Last month,my fiancé proposed to me and we decided we will get married within this summer so the wedding preparations have been hectic. Luckily my father is paying all of the expenses (he said you’re doing this wedding for me so I have to pay it,he is also considerably well-off) and we have managed most of the venue-related stuff but my wedding dress has been a hot topic in the house.
My sisters both had really princessy dresses and I hate that kind of aesthetic. I would possibly wear something more plain and I even think of having a veil that is like a hat. I also don’t want a veil. My mom on the other hand,is really insisting on gowns that I hate.
So last week,I had enough and I called a boutique which is known to make alternative wedding gowns, I called my dad+my brothers and we went there. It was a lot of fun,we brought some whiskey,champagne and Jaeger with us. We have gotten tipsy while I was trying wedding dresses with the staff and we have found a gown that will suit my father’s leather jacket from the 1980s. At the end,my fiancé also joined us and we had a blast. When we were tipsy,the alcohol got better of my judgement and posted myself wearing the wedding dress and the jacket, saying “Here comes the bride” with fire emojis.
Well,my mom and my sisters threw a fit next day and they started to complain about I don’t include them to anything at my life,I am ruining my life with a guy that is far unsuccessful than me(I am currently in managing position while doing my PhD and my fiancé works as an accountant in a small agricultural company which he doesn’t have any plans to leave anytime soon)
I got fed up because I was hungover and cranky. I looked at my mom and said : “You and your princesses have each other. Maybe try to be nice for once and don’t bother yourselves with other people’s business.” and left the house to meet with my fiancé. My dad thinks they deserved this warning but my fiancé thinks they are just nosy people and I should be the bigger person
AITAH?
Relevant Comments:
You’re off the rack if the wedding is this summer. Bad AI!
OP:
Girl, not everywhere is a busy city and also not the US. Most of the people in my country buy their wedding dresses 2-3 months before the wedding.
NTA. Dad sounds pretty awesome. I’d definitely see if he can help run damage control since he understands this wedding is only happening because of him. That said supporting you at ever turn and trying to make the experience as postive for you as possible is a W for dad and even your brothers who went dress shopping with you. Obviously Mom wields very little power in your household since trying to pick your dress in high school almost got her divorced. Normally I’d say this a bad thing or red flag but in this case though your Dad is just being awesome and picking you his daughter over his wife about boundaries.
OP:
I am sure my dad never meant to go all the way for divorce at that time but my parents love each other deeply so even the thought of divorce made my mom stop I think.
Update:AITAH for not bringing the women on my family to wedding dress shopping?, Posted May 9th, 2025.
First post:https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/4Glg3xDK01
I learned some stuff and I wanted to update here.
First of all,my mother is not the women we all thought. She confessed some stuff and it made me think of every possibility including I am not her child but I am unfortunately.
My mom told me that she only tolerated me,never loved me and it was due to how she imagined I would turn and how I didn’t turn out(a.k.a:not a feminine housewife). “You were really unloveable, I tried, I tried really hard but you always pushed me away so I gave up after you turned 18 and just tried to fulfill the cultural obligations.” At that point I asked her “Then why were you angry when I didn’t take you to shopping?” She said coldly “Because you made me look like a fool,it is not due to being left out. A women’s worth is determined by how others see her. This is the thing you don’t understand.” At that point my father told her “You are not the women I fell in love with.” and even this didn’t make her raise her eyebrows. She looked at me and said : "I hope you have a wonderful life but away from me. " Then she looked at my dad and “You will hear from my lawyer about the divorce.” She packed a suitcase and left the house she inherited from my grandparents. It was cold and calculated.
My dad is a huge mess but my sisters(thank God they apologized to me after I had blasted to them) really held our dad. My dad is currently with one of my sisters,and my brothers are also checking in daily. I am dealing up with the wedding stuff and since my fiancé is orphan,I am the only family he has. Luckily my dad is not unstable,just sad and tired. My siblings are also no-contact with my mom and they all told they are disgusted by her. I think my mom was a little bit startled but she didn’t break her composure when my siblings went to see her(at least this is what my siblings say).
The wedding is going on full force. My sisters will bring me down the aisle with matching dresses and my father will bring my fiancé down the aisle. We are still in shock and I don’t know still how to process but we will go through.
Relevant Comments:
Your Mom’s logic makes no sense. She tells you a woman’s worth is how she is viewed by others so she then goes on to alienate all of her children to the point everyone is NC. Won’t your sisters cutting her off be like her death socially then because if even they cut her out it must be bad. Just doesn’t make sense she is all worried about her image and optics and then the next minute she does more damage herself then you could ever do. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.
Probably thought her girly twins would side with her. Just puzzled why she escalated to divorce.
OP’s mom seems perfectly willing to not love her family at all but stick around for appearances’ sake. Dad just found out the same thing OP found out.
You have to wonder if the woman loves anything. If she’s even capable of it.
OP:
My mom definitely despises my sisters right now. She is the only child of her parents and she has somewhat a good size of inheritance. She sent them a letter saying “have fun with him or her,I don’t understand” and she disowned all of us and cut from her inheritance (which is fine I guess,we don’t need her money) and she said she doesn’t want anything from my father except the jewellery he bought to her.
**Reminder - I am not OP.**
Wow mom is terrible.
Would reply "enjoy inheritance since we all disowned you, you’re worth nothing anyway.
