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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-05-19 04:02:06+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/jalapeno_cheetos

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

AITA for dropping out of vacation plans and causing some of the group to not be able to afford the trip anymore?

Trigger Warnings: abuse, mentions of sexual assault, past trauma, betrayal

Original Post: May 7, 2025

A group of friends and I (20F) were planning on going on a mini week-long vacation this summer. We had planned on renting an AirBnB and splitting it evenly between the six of us. Important note: nothing has been officially booked/paid for yet but one of the girls is actively in contact with the AirBnB host and they are kindly holding our dates until the end of this week. However, my best friend Casey (21F) and I recently found out that one of the girls, Monica (22F), started hanging out with Casey’s ex.

For some context, Casey ex, Theo, is not a good guy. They dated for a year in high school and during that time, he was abusive and sexually assaulted Casey multiple throughout their relationship. This is not news to anyone. Casey went to the authorities about it and was dragged through court, but in the end Theo was in fact found guilty.

Obviously, Monica knows about Theo and Casey’s past, which is presumably she didn’t tell any of us that she was seeing him. Casey found out about this after one of her friends saw them together and she came straight to me. She is obviously extremely hurt and immediately told me she can no longer be friends with Monica. I’m also disgusted by Monica’s actions and also cannot see myself being friends with her anymore.

Casey and I both sent a quick message to our vacation planning group chat to say that we would no longer be attending the vacation. We didn’t really give much of an explanation why at first, but they all started messaging and calling non-stop demanding answers. Finally, Casey just said “I refuse to share a space with someone who is actively fucking the ex-boyfriend that traumatized me”. We both left the group chat after she sent that message.

Now all the girls are messaging us individually. One of the other girls was a bit calmer and asked us to tell us what happened, so Casey told her about Monica and Theo. The other 2 are more angry at us, basically saying we’re terrible friends for “bailing on plans over a high school relationship” and now they can’t afford the vacation anymore because the AirBnb is too expensive to split between only 4 people. Monica hasn’t texted or called me at all, but she sent Casey a long message that basically said “sorry for not telling you about him, but he’s different now and he’s actually a good guy”. Casey didn’t reply to it yet, but she showed it to me and is deciding how/if she will eventually reply.

So, are we the AH’s for dropping out of the vacation? Should we have just gone and dealt with the situation afterwards? I do feel bad that they won’t be able to afford it now, but Casey is my closest friend and I know how hurt she is by Monica’s actions. Any advice is helpful, thank you!

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: NTA-they can just rent a smaller Airbnb 🤷‍♀️.

And Casey shouldn’t be in a situation where she has to listen to anyone sing the praises of her abuser. Ever. You’re a standup friend for supporting her and doing the right thing.

OOP: Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate it

One of the friends that is upset about me and Casey dropping out is the one who has been doing the AirBnb research and she claimed there are no other good places available for a decent price… but I don’t really think there’s anything I could do about that lol

Commenter 2: Absolutely NTA! A high school relationship?! No, she’s upset because her “friend” is in a relationship with other her rapist and abuser. That other girl isn’t your friend either.

You and Casey should take a vacation just the two of you. Block Monica. She’s going to learn that an abusive rapist doesn’t change.

OOP: I would love to take Casey somewhere this summer, I know this is all really affecting her. It especially sucks because Casey and I have been friends since we were 3 years old, and met Monica when we were 6 and we have been close ever since then, to the point where all of our families/parents are extremely close as well. Nonetheless, Casey is my closest friend in the world and I support whatever way she wants to go about this, including if she wants to block Monica.

Commenter 3: NTA This isn’t a silly HS relationship, this is a full on abusive asshole that was found guilty by a court of law for assault. These “friends” aren’t safe. The only logical thing to do would tell monica she can’t go, and find someone to replace her if they want you two there.

My petty ass would send them the court case and circle the guilty verdict in red. “The courts didn’t think it was petty HS shit, so why are you defending him?”

Update: May 12, 2025 (five days later)

If you didn’t see my original post, it is still up on my page (I can’t link it in this sub) but the TLDR of it is that my best friend Casey and I were supposed to go on a girls trip with 4 other friends this summer. However Casey and I dropped out because we recently found out that one of the girls, Monica, had recently started seeing Casey’s ex, who she took to court for abuse/assault. Monica “apologized” to Casey but insists that Theo is a good guy now. Two of the other girls in the group are upset with Casey and I for dropping out because they claim they can no longer afford the AirBnB with less people.

Boy do I have an update for you guys. This has somehow spiraled into a huge mess in such a short amount of time.

No easy way to say this, but we found out that Monica has been seeing Theo for A LOT longer than Casey and I had originally thought… like its been a whole year. The two friends that were upset with Casey and I for dropping out of the trip also knew the entire time.

Monica called me a couple night ago, saying she wanted to explain everything to me before she told Casey. She basically told me that this all started when she bumped into Theo at the gym. She said that at first, she didn’t talk to him, but she kept seeing him there on multiple different days and eventually she left the gym to find him waiting at her car. Apparently he just said that she looked great and that he’d love to reconnect, and asked for her number. Monica said she was “scared of what he would do if she said no”, so she gave it to him and he began texting her over the next few days to coordinate their gym schedules and she eventually caved and they started working out together.

She said that at first it was just working out, then one day they went for food together after the gym and Theo finally brought up his past with Casey. Apparently he said something along the lines of “I know you’re still friends with Casey and I wasn’t the best boyfriend to her in the past, but I’ve learned a lot since then and I swear I’m a completely different person now” and then he started crying and he went on a bit of a rant about how he wishes he could take it all back. Monica says she could see he really meant it and they ended up kissing, and it all just escalated from there.

I have no idea how Monica expected me to respond, but I quite literally just told her to fuck off and hung up the phone. I called Casey right after and basically told her the whole story that Monica told me.

Casey was heartbroken and angry and asked if I could come over to hang out for a bit, so I did. While Casey and I were hanging out, she started wondering if the others in the group already knew. We decided to call them from my phone to ask, since we figured they would be more likely to answer me than her. Only one of them answered. At first, she said she had no idea that Monica was seeing Theo, but after a couple minutes of pressing, she caved and said Monica told them around six months ago but begged them not to say anything to Casey and I.

Casey was even more devastated and told her hat she never wants to hear from her again and that she’ll be blocked on everything by the end of the day, and then promptly hung up the phone. She blocked both the friends on every social media she could think of and told me I didn’t have to do the same if I didn’t want to, but I’d heard enough from them and could not think of a reason to keep in contact with them.

I asked her what she wanted to do about Monica, but she said she didn’t deserve a goodbye message and simply blocked her on everything as well and I did the same.

Casey and I are currently making plans to take a mini roadtrip/vacation together this summer, just the two of us. She is definitely still hurt by everything, but I’ve done everything I can to support her and will continue doing so. Thank you to all the lovely people who commented such kind/helpful words on my original post and hopefully I will never need to update on this again and we can all move forward.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Monica will come crawling back, when Theo shows his true self again. Make sure to keep her blocked.

I also suspect when Monica tells Theo Casey blocked her, he will lose interest.

**Commenter 2:…

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