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The original was posted on /r/exmormon by /u/Logical_Professor779 on 2025-05-22 20:35:14+00:00.

I wrote this as a letter to anyone who came home early from a mission. Whether it was a month, a year, or even just before the mission started. This is for you. As someone who left my mission almost a decade ago, I know the guilt. I know the anxiety. I know what it feels like when someone asks, “Where did you serve?” and your stomach drops. You are not alone.

To the ones they called “pitiful” this is for you. You didn’t fail. You survived. You didn’t “give up.” You made a decision, maybe the hardest decision you’ve ever made, to protect your mind, your body, your heart. And I need you to know something: YOU did the right thing. There’s a quote and maybe you’ve heard it, maybe it’s haunted you. That came from a man once idolized by many of us. Jeff Holland. He said early returned missionaries were among “the most pitiful people” in the world. He wasn’t talking to your face, but he WAS talking about you. About me. About all of us who left missions early because something deep inside us was breaking. He said it like we were a warning, like we were a disappointment. But here’s what he didn’t say: He didn’t see you crying in the shower because your companion never let you speak. He didn’t feel the knot in your chest that wouldn’t go away for weeks. He didn’t see the way your testimony unraveled every night while you stared at a ceiling fan and begged god to make it feel true again. He didn’t hear you sobbing on an apartment couch at 2 a.m., wondering if you’d ever feel normal again. He didn’t know your name. He didn’t know your pain. But you know. You remember. And still, you came home. You walked off that plane knowing you’d be greeted with silence, with confusion, with passive-aggressive comments, with “bless your heart” looks and bishops who didn’t know what to do with you. You came home to people who whispered that you just weren’t “valiant enough.” But you are so fucking brave. You’re brave for telling the truth. Brave for not white-knuckling your way into a breakdown. Brave for valuing your life more than someone else’s expectations. You left when staying would’ve shattered you. Let me tell you what I wish someone had told me: You don’t owe the Church your sanity. You don’t owe your parents an explanation. You don’t owe your stake president your trauma, served up in detail so he can “discern” if you were righteous enough to leave. You don’t owe anyone anything. But you deserve peace. You deserve healing. You deserve to be proud of the moment you said, “Enough.” Because that moment wasn’t a failure. It was the beginning. So here’s to the early returned missionaries who don’t show up in Ensign articles or Sunday School lessons. The ones who quietly carried years of shame. The ones who still flinch when someone says, “Where did you serve?” The ones who didn’t “finish” the mission, but somehow lived through it. You are not pitiful. You are powerful. And you are not alone.

With so much love: A fellow early returned missionary who finally stopped apologizing.