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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-05-23 04:00:01+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Nox_31415

AITA for not wanting to get a job?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: entitlement, borderline misogyny

Original Post Dec 4, 2020

The title sounds bad, I know, but please wise people of Reddit, just hear me out. Also English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

My BF (29M) and I (27F) have been together for 3 years now, and we decided that it was time to live together. Some background information: he is an engineer working for a big company in my country and I’m a writer. I also own two apartments in a very popular and nice area in the city where we live that I rent for extra income (they belonged to my grandparents, and as the only grandchild I inherited them when they died). Even though the pandemic hit my country hard, I did not experience any difficulties because my tenants have kept paying me rent. Therefore, my income hasn’t changed at all. I’m not a millionaire by any means, but I can live comfortably just renting my properties.

On to the main issue. We decided that I would move to BF’s flat as it is bigger than the one I currently live in, and we agreed that we would go 50/50 on everything (rent, utilities, groceries, etc). I would do more household chores than him since I WFH but I had no problem with this, of course. However, my BF is now saying that I should look for a “real job” because it would be unfair that “you stay home all day doing nothing while I work”. I’m currently working with my editor to finish the first novel in my series (which will consist of three books), so it’s not like I “do nothing all day”.

I refused to so so because 1) I have a real job (and an extra source of income) and 2) I can pay my share of the living costs without any problem. He insists that I’m being unreasonable.

AITA?

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

GandolfMagicFruits

NTA. He sounds like an ass

OOP

He is being one right now for sure…

usernaym44

Ugh, is he always so dismissive of your work? Is there long term potential in a partner who has no respect for your vocation? NTA.

OOP

He’s never been like this, I don’t know where this is coming from, honestly

~

AnonymousDifficulty

NTA whatsoever. He is being extremely rude. Being a writer is a job. You also have a steady source of income. And you don’t “do nothing.” You work hard. He’s throwing a fit. Stand your ground and explain to him that writing is absolutely a real job, you absolutely do work, you’re being very fair with the chores and money, and that you will not go get a different job.

If he doesn’t respect that… consider if this relationship is healthy or not.

OOP

Thank you, I’m starting to reconsider this relationship. I’m honestly at a loss for words right now, and it seems that this is the hill he’s willing to die on… I’m going to have a long talk with him

Update Dec 24, 2020 (20 days later)

So I posted this some days ago, and a lot of things have happened since then. Of course, I sat down with my BF to talk about his sudden change of attitude towards my job as a writer, and I told him that it was very disrespectful to tell me that I have to get a “real job” when I already have one. I told him that I was considering ending the relationship too because of that. However, I also asked him if there was something that he wasn’t telling me because this behavior was not normal at all.

At first he doubled down on saying that there was nothing that he wasn’t telling me, but after insisting a bit more he admitted that he was jealous of me. He said that he hates his job (this was quite a surprise, ngl), and he resents seeing me so happy and fulfilled with mine. The fact that I have another source of income only makes his jealousy worse because I’m pretty independent and can stop working whenever I want (his words, not mine). However, he said that he was willing to let me continue writing if I also work somewhere else to make things fair. I was flabbergasted (I love this word) to say the least.

So yeah, I broke up with him. It hurts, but I’ll live. Maybe this will give me ideas for another novel hahaha

Thank you all for your advices and kind words, they have been really helpful :)

RELEVANT COMMENTS

That-Significance150

LMAO, I am so glad to read that you dumped him! Imagine being mad your SO is happy and then straight-up coming out and saying you are ‘willing’ to ‘let’ her go on with an activity that is both fulfilling and a source of income, as long as she made an effort to make herself more miserable! 😂😂 You don’t need this kind of toxic, controlling bs in your life!

Khromez

Imagine admiting to all of this jealousy, and instead of realizing how childish and ridiculous he is after saying it outloud you still double down on making your SO miserable just so it is more “fair”. Good on you OP. Godspeed.

OOP

To be fair I thought about helping him with the issues with his job, but then he dropped the bomb.

THE AUDACITY

countzeroinc

I’m so relieved to hear you had the strength to do the right thing and drop that loser. He sounds like he grew up being the type of kid to break another kid’s toy because he’s jealous that they got something nicer than him.

Without him weighing you down I predict a bright future for you, it’s exciting that you are free to make new connections and expand your world beyond the limits of a toxic relationship!

OOP

Thanks a lot for your lovely words! Honestly, reading all these supportive comments is helping me a lot ❤.

~

Haploid-life

Anytime i hear that line, that they’ll LET you if… just hell no. Sweetie, you’re not going to LET me. YOU don’t get to tell me what to do.

OP, you may be hurting right now, but you saw a major red flag and instead of ignoring it, you ran. Good for you. Now go write and pm me when you have a book or an article for me to read.

OOP

Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean a lot to me ☺❤ And I will update you when that happens!

SoCuiBono

Dear OP, at the risk of stating the obvious, your next partner should be someone that respects what you do for a living. Period. Full stop.

Your ex should have pursued a more fulfilling career; that was never your responsibility.

OOP

Trust me, I don’t think I will be pursuing any romantic relationships in a while. But of course, that’s going to be the principal issue that I will discuss with my future partner

Edit: holy shit! I was not expecting that my update would blow up like this, thank you so much everyone! And thank you for the awards! I honestly don’t know how they work, but oh well. I’ll try and answer to everyone who took their time to comment, it’s the least you deserve ❤.

Edit 2: I know I said that I was going to answer to everyone who commented, but I’m honestly so overwhelmed with all your responses that my writing brain cannot handle everything (ironic, I know hahaha) I just want everyone to know that I’m reading every single one of your comments and upvoting everyone. Again, thank you so much for reading ❤❤.

Edit 3: guys, seriously, you have no idea how your amazing comments are making me feel right now. I’m sad, yes, but also overwhelmed with all these lovely messages. I honestly thought that this was not going to attract any attention, but boy I was wrong. I hope I can make another post very soon telling you that I published my novel!

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. So, so much. I hope all you lovely redditors have an amazing Christmas and I wish you all the best! ❤💙💜.

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