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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/chronicquin on 2023-08-30 19:53:31.

EDIT: Thank you for all your comments and input! I really appreciate it.

Hi! I really need other people’s perspective on this as I’m struggling to see how my words could’ve justified such a strong reaction from my MIL of several years. Also take note that English is not my first language.

So to start with; I like my MIL though we are very different. She’s a sweet woman and a social butterfly but sensitive and have a tendency of being the victim. I’m introverted but direct and set a lot of bounderies because of my lack of during childhood and also just anxiety. She isn’t always respecting of them which has lead me to become even more stern and direct. I’ll give an example; Leading up to my labor I let everyone on my side of the family know that the hospital doesn’t allow family and friends and that I don’t want visitors coming to our home before I invite them. I asked my partner to inform his side and he did. However my MIL bought a ticket to come see us after, completely disregarding my wish. My partner told her again that I’m not ready for visitors (was battling PPD and recovering from an emergency c-sec). She went anyways, probably thinking we’d change our minds. So of course we ended up having her over because my partner felt bad for her. It really hurt me because I felt I was less important, which has happened before.

Okay, fast forward to this incident. She was coming back from holiday and on her way home wanted to visit us. We thought she was only staying the day but when I asked her she said she was going to be here for several days and would be staying with us. I was taken a back because we live in a small apartment with no spare bedrooms after we just transitioned our baby to her own room. I told her this and basically said she couldn’t stay here. She suggested she slept in our bedroom with my partner (!), since I’m sleeping with our baby atm. He then suggested he would sleep in the living room (but that would mean zero places for me to catch a break, I didn’t say no but made it clear I didn’t like the idea). Anyways, she said she would look for a hotel and I didn’t think any more of it. A couple of hours later she got up and said she has to go. She had booked a ticket home. I practically begged her to stay but she left anyways, told me she was upset and refused to stay and talk it out. I messaged her after and apologized if I had hurt her and again asked her to come back. She replied she didn’t want to talk. That’s a week ago and she still isn’t talking to me, only my partner. Told him he should’ve stood up for her. He’s also been super disappointed in me and upset because he thinks I’m rude, barely talked for days. I’m over here wondering wtf is going on!

Am I the asshole?