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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-06-01 04:02:06+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Anonymous1-2_

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: AITA for not wanting to wear my future MIL’s wedding dress

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability

Trigger Warnings: physical assault, entitlement, gaslighting

Mood Spoilers: positive

RECAP

Editor’s Note: OOP made a separate post with Update #1 which was later deleted but reinstalled in the same post with original. Update #1 is at the bottom of the original post

Original Post: August 27, 2024

My 26 F and my fiancé 27 M got engaged in February 2024, we are planning our wedding to be in March next year on the day of when we first met. We began planning the wedding May 2024, The theme is light blue and white. It’s important to know that my fiancé is an only child.

A couple weeks ago I was shopping for wedding dresses with my mom and sister, when I found this lovely dress, and it needed only a little bit of tailoring to fit me. When I sent photos to my fiancé he thought it was beautiful too. Now here’s the problem my future MIL was over and when my Fiancé showed her the dress she immediately called me, I ignored her as I was still with my mom and sister.

When I got back to my and my fiancé’s house my future MIL was waiting for me. When I walked through the door she immediately got up from the couch and accused me of lying, claiming I had promised to wear her dress. I never had. This was such an out of the blue thing for my future MIL as we normally get on really well. I told her I had never promised her anything, she then yelled at me calling me a liar and that I didn’t deserve to get married to my fiancé. I was so taken aback by that I just walked away. I have done so much to make sure this woman likes me and now she doesn’t because I don’t want to wear her wedding dress that went out of style 50 years ago?

Once I had stormed off to my room, my fiancé joined once he had sent his mother back to her house. He asked what had happened and I explained my side of the story, about how I was just suddenly accused of all these lies, lies I never said. He then explained his moms side of things, which were that apparently when I first started dating my Fiancé my future MIL had shown her wedding dress and I had said I would love to get married in that. I started dating my fiancé 5 years ago. I honestly don’t ever remember saying that but it was so long ago I might’ve, but I don’t think so as the dress isn’t the prettiest.

The next day I woke up with messages from my future MIL saying that I’m such a liar and that my fiancé shouldn’t marry a liar. I’m going to be honest I teared up as I read those messages because I tired so hard to be liked by her, and I thought I was. I told my fiancé about the messages and he said that she’s probably just hurt that I don’t want to wear her dress. But it’s my wedding why can’t I wear what I want? Please tell me your opinions

UPDATE #1: Hi I’m not sure how to start this but I sat my Fiancé down and talked to him about my FMIL.

When he finally gave me the time to actually talk. I mentioned how I wanted to wear my own dress to MY wedding and he once again brought up how it was also for our parents. WTF?? I explained calmly that it was a union of us, not our parents and unless his mom wanted to pay for our entire wedding it was OUR wedding.

Then I said how he found the dress I originally wanted beautiful and he only changed his mind when his mom raised the issue. He said he only said it was beautiful because that’s what I would’ve wanted to hear and he found it ugly. I didn’t react to the last comment and instead I brought up how I could wear something else of his moms and he completely shut down that idea saying his mom offered the dress and I couldn’t take something from her if she didn’t offer it and that I should be grateful she offered her dress.

I admit I was angry at this and replied with am I marrying you or your mother? When I asked him this he yelled at me saying that what his mom was asking wasn’t a big deal and that I was blowing this out of proportion. After he said I was making a big deal out of MY wedding dress I stormed out and called my mom explaining the whole situation.

When I went back downstairs he was gone and he texted me explaining he’s going to be staying with his mom until I “come to my senses”. I’m now rethinking my whole relationship as I can’t marry him if i’m also marrying his mother, and I’m not going to be one of those people on reddit talking about my horrible MIL, even though I sort of am.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter: NTA

Honestly I don’t understand why women think the dress is worth saving. Most younger women have no intention of using their mothers old dress so why do they think their daughter will use theirs?

I get it was traditional to pass it down in the family, but that was when they were all handmade by the family and making a new fancy one was a big deal.

OOP: It wasn’t made by a family member it’s purely just her dress - no sentimental value besides being her dress. My fiancé says it’s up to me but he’d like it if I wore her dress.

Commenter: You have a fiancé problem more than a MIL problem. He should have your back. Does he always take her side?

OOP: Nothing like this has happened before - my MIL and I got along quite well before this, now i’m not sure we could ever get along again

Commenter: Oh COME ON. Your MIL sounds irrational, manipulative and controlling. If she’s like this before you get married, best of luck to you after the wedding. She’s not likely to change and your fiancé seems like a mommy’s boy.

NTA but have a real good think about your future.

Is it possible that MIL has been hiding her “true” self all this time? Because people don’t tend to become so manipulative overnight.

OOP: This whole thing has changed my opinion on her - I just don’t understand how it all happened

That is possible, but we haven’t had any conflicts like this so maybe she wasn’t hiding, she was just never given the opportunity to show her “true” self?

Update #2: August 29, 2024 (two days later)

Thank you all for the comments, I appreciate it so much. I talked to my mom and she said that my fiancé is acting weird and immature. Yesterday my fiancé’s mom called me explaining that we need to talk, and I agreed. She stared of saying how I was going back on a promise, and she was hurt by that. I never got the chance to defend my self before she said she is willing to move past it, if I wear her dress. I completely shut down that idea and expressed how it was my day and I want to wear what I want, I then offered that I could wear something else of hers if she wants that. She didn’t, she wants me to wear her dress.

I tried again to explain how I wasn’t comfortable wearing her dress and I never promised to wear it and it might’ve been one of my fiancé’s ex girlfriends. She however didn’t take this and blew up at me through the phone calling me a liar, unworthy and a witch. I hung up on her and blocked her number. Then my fiancé texted me saying it wasn’t fair to yell at his mother about the dress and i’m acting so immature, but she was the one who blew up at me. Then I texted my fiancé to meet me at our house to talk things out. He refused saying he would come tomorrow. So now I am waiting for him to show up.

Relevant Comments

Commenter: How many ex fiancée’s has this man got?! That’s telling in itself…

OOP: No I was his first, otherwise just 3 girlfriends

Update #3: August 30, 2024 (next day)

Hello everyone, again thank you for the kind words and comments. I appreciate it so much and didn’t expect it to sort of blow up and I wish I could reply to all of you.

I talked with my fiancé about his childish behaviour and how I was angry at his mom and him for trying to get me to wear the dress. He tried to talk but I quickly cut him off and continued saying how it was no longer about the dress and it was how he took his mother’s side over mine. He wasn’t happy with this of course and said he was only taking the side which was “right”.

However I disagreed with this and said a dress was a huge factor of a wedding and that I wouldn’t wear something I wasn’t comfortable with, and then I again brought up how he should be backing me not his mother if we are to get married. He got super pissed off at me for that as I said ‘if’ instead of when. He started yelling saying how I was going to cancel our wedding just because of a stupid dress and how all this must be some joke.

I stood firm and told him that this whole thing has got me questioning whether I want to marry him. He once again (surprise surprise) tried to storm out. I followed him and told him he had to talk with me or i’m ending it. He whipped around and SLAPPED me. I stood there in shock as he slammed out front door and ran back to his mommy. Safe to say I am not marrying this man a…

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