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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/MadisonBrave on 2025-06-01 02:20:05+00:00.

Original Title: (New Update) My(f49) cousin(f23) asked my daughter(f16) to perform at her wedding reception, but became bitter upon seeing the positive reception to her act. She has since posted about her online, and my daughter is considering quitting

I am not the OOP. That would be u/throwrathefinances. OOP messaged me to ask if I could make her original post for her because the spam filter was giving her trouble (or her account was too new to post in r/aerials) after recalling how I helped another Redditor similarly on my page. I helped her post her original and first update, and she received advice from fellow aerialists in r/aerials in hopes of helping her daughter. Upon trying to share her second update, her account was removed for perhaps too many failed attempts. She has since made a new account called u/throwrathefinances2 and received assistance from the mods of r/aerials who approved her posts for the community

Trigger Warning:  Degrading of a minor online, sexual body shaming of a minor

Mood Spoiler:  hopeful for the daughter who has a lot of support in her corner

Original Post: (November 11th, 2024)

"I hope this is okay to share here. The reason I’m posting is because of my daughter who’s been hurting in the aftermath of a recent performance. I’m sorry in advance for how long this turned out, but any advice from fellow aerialists would be greatly appreciated.

My cousin Dana (not real name) had her wedding two weeks ago, and she asked if my daughter could perform at her reception. My daughter (Jane, also fake name) has practiced silks/lyra for the past few years at a nearby circus studio, and she’s also performed with/through the studio at small gigs. She hopes to continue into adulthood and become a professional teacher, but this recent incident has shaken her confidence. She has a private Instagram to document her progress/performances, and I only post certain performances on my Facebook (her first gig with the studio and her first recital to name a few we’re proud of). Some of our relatives saw her performances through my socials, and they watched her perform at her studio’s Christmas recital when we hosted Christmas at our home a few years back; something that surprised her when they visited early to see her. I love how they coordinated that, and Jane said it was her loudest cheering section to date.

Dana was one of the relatives who came up early to see her Christmas recital, and she’s always been super supportive. She asked me if Jane would be willing to perform at the reception, and I asked on her behalf. Jane was honored and excited when I did, and we already had a portable rig for her too (though we ended up renting a taller one from her studio. Dana got the idea from a YouTube video featuring an aerialist who performed at a wedding reception, and she showed us while requesting white silks and a white outfit. We scoped out the venue and purchased white silks along with a white costume that Dana approved of, and Jane was really excited throughout. Jane even worked on choreography to a song that Dana requested, and she put a lot of time into it (even asking one of her coaches to help her with it). Dana insisted on paying her for the gig despite Jane not expecting to be paid, and she paid her a few hundred. However, Dana’s had a change of heart.

Jane received a standing ovation after her performance that surprised her, but we didn’t know anything was wrong until Dana went on Facebook a few days later. Dana said she didn’t approve of the outfit Jane wore and that she specifically told her to not wear white. She also said my husband and I pressured her to have Jane perform and that the performance gave off am “unclassy” vibe, lies that my husband and I couldn’t believe. We sent Dana numerous costume links, and we purchased the one she liked. There was also nothing wrong with Jane’s performance; Dana was one of the people cheering afterward. Jane received nothing but compliments afterward, but I’m disgusted that she had to see that post after all the work she put into it. The post also had comments disabled for what it’s worth.

I called Dana to confront her about the lies, but she didn’t pick up numerous calls. I then called her parents who, like us, had received messages about her post, and they said that Dana was wrong. They apologized on her behalf and said they were also disgusted. Dana’s mom also said that Dana vented to her before making her post a few days after the reception. Dana told her she regretted asking Jane to perform given the attention (compliments and cheers) she received for it. Her mom also said that she felt upstaged with Jane wearing white and having to hear how good she was. Dana’s parents tried to call her after she made her post, but she didn’t answer after their previous conversation ended with her parents telling her she shouldn’t be bitter because she specifically asked Jane to perform.

Dana’s parents reported the post along with us/others, and we’ve told the truth to those who reached out along with a post to explain our side/stand up for Jane (we have text proof of sending costume links that Dana chose from). Dana’s parents also requested to talk to Jane on the phone to apologize for Dana’s behavior, and my husband and I told Jane that Dana was wrong (and that we’ll be distancing ourselves from Dana permanently). Dana’s parents were surprised at her behavior, and we were too having seen her grow up. Granted, we only see extended family for Thanksgiving and Christmas because we live far, but other relatives were surprised too as it seemed to come from left field. Maybe there’s a side of Dana we’ll never know from our limited holiday/milestone interactions, but our focus is Jane. We’ve tried to cheer Jane up by offering to take her to dinner among other activities, but she’s been hurting which is why I’m here.

Jane hasn’t practiced (at home or the studio) since the reception, and I don’t want to invade her space at her studio by asking/telling anyone there (in case she doesn’t want anyone to know). She asked me to return the white silks and costume after being so excited to receive them. She also said she’s going to take an extended break from aerial to reconsider if she wants to continue. Aside from aerial, she’s taken a break from seeing non-aerial friends too, choosing to pretty much keep to herself. We would appreciate any advice from fellow aerialists on how to lift her spirits. We reminder her of how we’re proud of her (along with the many compliments she received), but she’s asked for space and to not talk about it. We’re going to respect that and let time do it’s thing, but we’ll consider any advice from other aerialists who can relate to the time and work she put in. Sorry for this being so long, but we appreciate anyone who read and takes the time to reply."

This is the video that Dana sent to us via text that initially inspired her to have an aerialist performance at her wedding wearing white and using white silks (NOT OOP PERFORMING): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jY1ZTVc51bI

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First Update: (November 24th, 2024)

"Before I get into what’s happened since my last post, I wanna thank everyone who took the time to comment. Two pieces of advice really stood out, and I’ll get to them shortly. Since my original post, Dana’s Facebook post is gone. I don’t know if she deleted it or enough people reported it for Facebook to remove it, but we’re glad it’s gone. She never apologized to us (or Jane) or even bothered to call, so our position on being permanently done with Dana stands. My husband and I made a post on my Facebook addressing the lies she spewed about our daughter, and we shared photo proof of Dana’s texts where she approved of Jane’s white costume from links we sent, not to mention the song choice she sent us too. Better yet, Dana’s mother reposted it on her account which really surprised me. Dana’s mother wrote that they loved Jane’s act and that they disapproved of Dana’s actions. My husband and I also made sure that Jane was okay with us addressing it on Facebook, and she said it was fine. Normally, I wouldn’t use Facebook to address drama if aimed at me. But since this involves a grown adult attacking a minor, we felt the need to address it publicly because she disparaged her publicly, and Jane will remember whether we stood up for her or not years from now.

I had a chance to speak with Dana’s mother since my original post on the phone, and she spoke to Dana again since our last call. Dana reiterated how she regretted asking Jane to perform, but she harped on the standing ovation that bothered her the most. Dana told her that she expected Jane to get some polite applause, but that the overwhelming response really set her over the edge because she expected the loudest cheers to be when she and her husband entered the reception, but that went to Jane instead. Dana and her husband also received a great reception when…

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