This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CupDad on 2023-08-31 06:07:04.

I 44 donated sperm when I was late teens through early 20s. When I did it was on the assurance it was anonymous, which was standard at the time. You can see where this is going. So I got a call from a second cousin, let’s say Jack, who had done an ancestry dna thing a while back. Recently he was contacted by someone it turns out is my biological child. He wanted to connect, I told them to tell him I am happy to give him family medical history, mentioned if me is going to have a kid with someone Jewish to test for taysachs, but that I’m not interested in contact.

Well I guess they kept talking to him without me knowing and now they messaged me saying that he really wants to meet me. I gave the same answer even though t hey were persistent that time. Then they gave him my phone number and he called, I told him I was just a sperm donor, we’re related but not family, and he has a family. Then this last weekend I get a call from security at the entrance gate, my second cousin’s were there and wanted to be allowed in. I told them not to and went and met them, it was 2 of my second cousins, let’s say Diane, and the boy who we’ll call Andre. I told them to meet me in a parkinglot outside a grocery store nearby. They insisted on coming in, I declined and told them that or nothing.

So I told them to leave us alone so I could talk to him, I told I was sorry he made the really long drive for nothing because nothing had changed or was going to. He said it wasn’t about my money and I said I believed him and honestly this wasn’t about my money to me either. He was obviously emotional and asked if I didn’t have any feelings standing there, I told him I sympathized with where he was coming from but I don’t consider he and I family, we’re biologically related. He had a good family (Diane told me a bit in a rant) and he was a very wanted kid, but by his parents. He asked why I even became a dad then and I didn’t I tried to help other people be parents. He got angrier and accusatory and after several nasty comments about my character I told him I was barely out in the world, mostly on my own and working through school, and I was paid to finish in a cup. That’s all it was. Then he shouted “then why did you agree to have me” and I told him I never would have donated if I knew it wasn’t going to stay anonymous. He asked if I meant I regretted donating and I said no because he exists but that I never would have ever donated if I didn’t think it would always be anonymous. He cried and ran to second cousins who said things and they left.

They’ve been messaging me so much I’ve started ignoring them, I’m not going to block, but they started going to other family members and while most agree with me a few are vocally opposed and I would like outside opinions. AITA if I don’t have a relationship with a child with a child I only donated for with the promise of anonymity?