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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Old-Yesterday9399 on 2023-08-31 03:40:03.

I married my wife 9 years ago. as a long time browser on this sub I know a lot of you may ask if I actually like my wife or why I married her. there’s a lot of reasons. I won’t put you guys to sleep though. the simple answer is I do love my wife, we share a son together and I could not imagine a life without her. my only wish is she wasn’t so insecure but she is also human.

with that said, lets get started. My wife is 39 and struggles a lot of with insecurity. to remedy this she has surrounded herself with friends who truthfully she thinks lesser of. A lot of her friends have been out of shape, poor, mentally unstable and such and my wife has admitted she feels like the stable and sensible one with all of them. when she’s not talking about them like they’re charity cases, she’s usually insulting them. (before it’s asked, my wife is in therapy and says she likes the therapist but doesn’t think she’s truly the issue)

Now her youngest friend (31) Candy was one of the many friends my wife used for her own security. Candy was sort of a mess as a teenager, barely passed high school, couldn’t hold down a job and was in and out of hospitals due to unmedicated mental health problems. I think my wife was probably the cruelest to her out of all her friends because Candy never really stood up for herself. at some point we didn’t really understand how or what came over her, but Candy really did a 180, got medicated, got her degree and now is living in a nice country house, with a well paying job, her husband and 3 kids.

watching Candy change over the years has messed with my wife a lot. she’s been crueler to her and constantly insults her house, her job, even how she raises her kids and loves to mention all the mistakes Candy made when she was young. Candy never said anything until yesterday. we were at her house around a fire and my wife asked how Candy could even be a fit mom after all her mental health problems and Candy, who was tippy, looks at my wife and says (Paraphrasing of course): You know, when I was young, I took your words to heart, until I learned you were just as messed up as me. And I realized to fully get back at all the ways you hurt me, there wasn’t a point in telling you or asking for an apology, it was simply by being better than you. And now I am.

now I laughed, not so much out of humor but more shock. I got a death glare followed by my wife abruptly walking to the car and a threatening text she’d leave me behind if I didn’t follow. we drove home in silence. when we got back my wife was crying in the bedroom. when I tried to comfort her she chucked all my stuff in my direction and screamed to leave. I now write this at my parents who don’t think I’m wrong but at the same time they don’t like my wife. AITA?