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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fun_Sink3628 on 2023-08-31 13:44:19.

My dad and Rebecca have been married since I (16m) was 7 and my sister (15f) was 6.

Quick background: My parents were not divorced when my mom died but they were going through a divorce. When they first separated it was because my mom had changed a lot and was undiagnosed with brain cancer at the time which had caused a lot of behavioral changes. I still remember how big those changes were. The diagnosis came just before she died. While my parents were separated dad met Rebecca and they got married 3 months after mom died. They had pushed the wedding up since they were no longer waiting for the divorce.

Rebecca has always had a very negative perception of mom because dad has told her about her behavior before they separated. She said our mom was a bad parent and she would make sure we know what a good mom looks like. From almost the beginning of their marriage she has called herself our mom. Years later I found out she knew back when she married my dad that she couldn’t have kids of her own.

My sister and I have never liked Rebecca because of the stuff she says about mom. Dad knows how we feel and after he did some therapy, he would tell her to stop. But he also told us that we should understand that Rebecca loves us and feels like we deserve the best and she might say the wrong thing because of that sometimes.

With all that out of the way I can explain the problem. I have a pretty big friend group. Six of the moms of my friends have made their own little mom group where they can get together and vent and hang out. I think sometimes they use it to plan who’ll host something or will volunteer to chaperone some things. The moms in the group all know my sister and I do not consider Rebecca our mom and that we dislike her. My sister is also part of the friend group so they know her feelings too. Rebecca wanted to join the group so many times over the years and was always kept out.

Then a month ago Rebecca actually approached the moms when she saw them out for coffee together and asked why she was never welcomed in. They told her she was not a mom and so they weren’t going to include her. She argued back that she’s mine and my sister’s mom. They said we say differently and that our opinion matters more. They also told her that they were never going to make things uncomfortable for the kids by including her since it would mean she would be around the friend group for certain group stuff we’ve done together.

Rebecca vented over dinner to us about it and I shrugged her off when she asked what I had to say. The truth is I don’t feel the tiniest bit bad that she’s been excluded. But she was pissed and dad told me I should be kinder.

AITA?