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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Notatraditionaldil on 2023-08-31 14:31:40.

Original post :

My husband came home yesterday. He just hugged me for a long while, whispering sorry in my ears. When he pulled back I could see tears in his eyes. It melted any anger I had. And then he told me what happened.

The day before the argument, we had travelled from my place to his, 9 hour journey and reached after 1am. My husband woke at 7.30 AM and found both his parents cooking instead of just mom. Surprised he enquired about it and mom said it was cause they had invited his family from both sides to celebrate Onam with us. They were preparing food for Sadhya. (They have never done this before)

He asked why they didn’t let us know this was the plan. They said it was obvious. DH joined in to help.

At this point, his mom started complaining about me. He told her we got here late and I was exhausted. She went on how that doens’t matter and normal DILs would still work. He was trying to shrug it off as much as possible. By the time I was up, cooking was well underway. When I saw them in kitchen, I was surprised and asked something along the lines of “It isn’t finished yet?”. Referring to breakfast having no clue about Sadhya.

She started about how it will be finished since she has no help and how unlucky it is to have another women in the house who don’t lift a finger to help.

I told her we got in late and I just woke up. She said it doesn’t matter and how a loving DIL would wake up early anyways. How she wishes my BIL atleast has enough sense to bring in someone better.

That was the last straw for DH. He asked me why I couldn’t get up earlier for two days while we visit them. That’s when everything escalated and I ended up leaving.

He couldn’t leave after me, cause of invited guests. He couldn’t get hold of me on phone and hence called my mom. Cue my parents calling me about over reacting.

He apologised for everything.He cannot imagine losing me and told his parents as much when he left.

I told him I had no idea about Sadhya plans or guests coming and apologised for not staying to discuss it. I also expressed how roof comment was disrespectful especially when I was invited. He apologised.

I accept his apology but has made it clear it can’t be this way anymore. I showed him the post and all the replies. He apologised again.

I told him I have nothing against them. I just don’t want to work on my weekends. Taking advice from the comments I suggested getting a maid if they need help.

He said they don’t need help. They just want me specifically to help. And that he realises it’s wrong and promised to stand up for me more.

From now on we won’t be staying over night at their place. Just lunch or dinner visit. Though preferably outside on neutral grounds or trips.

Hopefully it goes well.

Thankyou for all the responses. It gave us a lot to talk and think about.