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The original was posted on /r/learnjapanese by /u/Kermit_-_ on 2025-06-10 14:15:20+00:00.

Hey Everyone,

I’ve been learning more about how to address people in certain contexts and I want your input.

When I first started learning japanese I always used あなた (anata) to say “you” and maybe きみ (kimi) if in a more casual context.

But recently I’ve been told that saying あなた can sound a bit direct and cold whereas instead I should be calling people by their role/age (again depending on the context), these are some examples I’ve been told to use instead:

[お兄さん (Oniisan) - Young man]

[お姉さん (Oneesan) - Young women]

[おじいさん (Ojiisan) - Middle aged man (or Grandpa)]

[おばあさん (Obaasan) - Middle aged women (or grandma)]

[お嬢ちゃん (Ojojan) - Young girl]

[坊や (Boya) - Young boy]

This to me sounds like it would be weird (and maybe impolite) to use in contexts where I’m talking to strangers. Whereas あなた would sound more respectful.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

(PS: sorry If this is a common topic that is often asked, I don’t come on here too often 😅)