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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-06-18 04:00:06+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Eyad2020a

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for suggesting to my friend next time she can bring her own food

Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, assault, mental illness, cultural ableism

Mood Spoilers: sad

Original Post: October 22, 2024

I wondering if I was TA here. So I love cooking and love to host. Bearing in mind all of us including me are Muslim and we all eat halal meat.

One of my friends became vegan last year. When we go out for meals we try to accommodate her by going to places that facilitate vegan food. That limits most of our choices as most places that serve halal food don’t cater very well to vegan food.

So we moved to a new place and I decided to invite friends over for dinner. I called my vegan friend beforehand and asked her what she would like me to make and what brand she wanted me to use. I assured her I would cook everything separately for her so there would be no cross contamination. Food was served and she liked it.

One of my friends brought for dessert home made cheesecake that her mum made. I had already brought a vegan dessert for my friend so I assumed no problem.

Well she had a meltdown and screamed at the person who brought the cheesecake. I asked her to calm down and not raise her voice in my house. She took offence and left and said I didn’t appreciate her. Mind you for a whole year we catered to her choice of food and places to eat out.

Later on we decided as a group we decided we couldn’t let her selfish antics affect us. In a group chat we discussed going out in two weeks to this new halal buffet opening in town and we checked it did have vegan products. Well said friend straight away objected so I told her when we next go out you can bring your own food and we can enjoy eating out. AITAH?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Ok but, since there was already a vegan dessert there for her, why would she feel the need to cry about the cheesecake??? Just like you provided a vegan meal for her that’s most likely different than what your other guests had, her dessert was also different. She did not cry about the meal, why would she cry about the dessert?

What is this bizarre unnecessary behavior from her??? I’m mind blown over here lol

OOP: I think because all this time we would not have non vegan deserts in homes. In restaurants she had no choice if there were any but when any of hosted we made sure desert was vegan even if main meal wasn’t wholly vegan. I think she didn’t expect that after a year

Commenter 2: NTA. You’ve gone out of your way to accommodate your friend’s vegan lifestyle for a year, even when it limited the group’s options. You made sure she had a separate meal and dessert at your dinner, so her meltdown over someone bringing cheesecake seems like an overreaction. Suggesting she bring her own food next time is a reasonable compromise, especially if it helps everyone enjoy the outing without more drama. You’re trying to be considerate, but her behavior seems more about control than accommodation.

Commenter 3: NTA. When your dietary choices are different from the rest of a group it is your responsibility to make sure there are options you can eat or bring your own food. Your “friend” is selfish and entitled. Why even invite her if she is just going to be a big baby?

Commenter 4: NTA. What a witch! You accommodated her needs, just because someone else brought something is not your problem. Vegans that scream at you make the whole group look bad, frankly I’d say we are going here, it’s best if you don’t come.

Update #1: January 6, 2025 (2.5 months later)

This is an update to my previous post - I don’t know how to add to original - see my profile for original

Quick recap - I hosted dinner at my home and my friend who is vegan had a meltdown regarding a non vegan cheesecake my friends mother made and she brought for us despite us for over a year accommodating my vegan friends diet.

So after what happened I created a new what’s app group with all my friend apart from the vegan one to discuss what happened and what to do going forward. We all agreed that we had enabled her behaviour by being too accommodating and she was rude. Someone suggested I have a chat with her one to one and see if there were issues going on with her as her outburst is unlike her - she can be self-centred but never been that rude before. I agreed to the suggestion but told the group I will keep the chats as back up that we all are on same page in case she accuses me of bullying her and she would know it is just not me.

I texted her and asked her to meet me at my place. The reason for that is so that number one she doesn’t have a meltdown in public and number two if she crosses the line I was going to ask her to leave my home. My husband was on board with this and he said he would wait outside in the car so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable (she wears a headscarf and when we get together we usually are girls only so those of us who wears headscarf can take it off). She agreed to come.

We met and after greeting I asked her upfront if there was a issues. She was taken back and asked why. I informed her that what happened last time was unlike her and if she is having a hard time. She denied it in beginning but then burst into tears. That day she had an argument with her fiancé in regards to her future MIL. She is the only vegan in the family and wanted the wedding menu to be all vegan. In our culture (Middle Eastern) the groom pays for the wedding and her MIL said while some of the menu can cater to some vegan dishes there will be non vegan as well for others. And her MIL said that is not up for discussion as they are paying for the wedding. Her fiancé while supports her agrees with his mum as he stayed to her she can eat what he wants but he is non vegan and will not adhere to her diet at home or when eating out.

I asked what happened since - she said relationships is shaky and she gave him an ultimatum - either her and her views or his mother. He bluntly told her while he loves her he wants a partner that would accept both him and his family. He said if his mother disrespects her or anyone else in his family he would berate him and defend her but in return she has to also give same amount of respect back to him and his family.

I asked her did her MIL ban vegan food from the menu completely. She said no - she said they will be both. I asked her when she visits her fiancé family do they provide vegan food for her. She said yes they do.

I told her she was selfish and only thought of herself. I said to her that if they had not accommodated her at all I would tell her to leave the relationship. I told her we had tried to be respectful of her choices for over a year but we won’t be doing that any longer. That she is entitled and the world doesn’t resolve around her. I showed her the group chat where we all agreed if she continues to be disrespectful that she won’t be invited out any longer with us. I told her that she needs to be grateful her fiancé was being patient with her - if my husband had been rude to my mother like that I would have broken of the relationship.

She raised her voice at me and slapped me all of a sudden. I told her to get out of my house before I call the police for assault. She said who would believe you - then I told her I had recorded our whole conversation (in case she lied later on). She left and I messaged the friend group- explained what happened and told them I am done with her and if they want to hang around with her I am fine with it - just to tell me as I don’t want to see her.

They were all shocked and I am now grieving the loss of a friend who’ve I’ve known since I was 11 years old.

Comments

Commenter 1: Frankly, you should send that video to your ex-friend’s fiance. She’s a bullet he needs to dodge.

Commenter 2: You handled the situation maturely by addressing your friend privately and giving her a chance to explain her behavior. Turns out, she’s been pushing her veganism onto everyone, including her fiancé’s family, who have actually been accommodating her. When you called out her selfishness and entitlement, she responded by slapping you.

At this point, it’s clear she’s unwilling to compromise or take accountability. Grieve the loss of the friendship, but don’t second-guess yourself, you did everything right, and cutting her off is the best choice for your peace. Let her sort out her issues without dragging you down.

Commenter 3: You may grieve for the friend you thought you had in the past, but this person in front of you now is not a friend to anyone at all any more and not worth grieving.

Would a friend slap you? No. A friend wouldn’t think of harming you. And to state no one would believe you if you called police means she’s become an extremely vile person who manipulates people on a regular basis.

Glad you recorded it all and maybe you should use it to have a record of the assault and paper trail if she tries to cause anymore trouble.

She has morphed into something else. She has decided all of you, both friend group and fiance fami…

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