This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-06-21 04:04:01+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Thr0wAwayFrisbee

AITAH for telling my FIL he can’t hump the floor at my house or in my presence

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & OOP’s own page

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual harassment, bullying, gaslighting

MOOD SPOILER: Infuriating

Original Post June 13, 2025

Crazy title and I wish it weren’t true but here we are. Unfortunately I’m asking because I’m possibly in a state of being gaslit OR i actually can’t take a joke and I can’t see it. My FIL (late 50s) is known for being VERY playful - goofy some would even say. Well him, my MIL (late 50s) and 3 sibling in-laws (20M & 27M28F-married couple) came to stay with my husband and I at our home (28F30M) and to see our new LO (7 months).

Well LO was put to bed and we were all in the living room area hanging out, doing stretches, just casually talking, when FIL decided it would be funny to start humping the ground out of no where. And unfortunately it was directly in front of me (not MIL). Mil and I looked at each other in shock while his children all laughed and chuckled. FIL made it clear that the gesture was meant for his wife despite it being directly in front of me (with eye contact) so we dropped it. The night passed, they left town, and after a few days of not being able to shake the image in my head, I decided to talk with my husband about how uncomfortable it made me ALONG WITH other sexual jokes he makes about us all being married and etc.

There’s been this big divide now on how I’m always ruining the fun, how it was “just a joke” and not a sexual gesture, and how I’ll always find a problem when my husbands family is in town. His family thinks this however, when I speak with my mom, sister, cousins, and anyone on my side of the world, they see his “joke(s)” and “gesture” as totally inappropriate. My FIL tried to make the point that I’ve done TikTok dances in his home with the other sibling in laws and my husband and he’s never felt uncomfortable because he knows they’re harmless and that it’s not fair for me to judge him about this vs knowing his intent (which was to just make a joke). My point is, even though I’m not on tiktok and I don’t post videos, everything I’ve done is postable, him slow stroking the ground is not.

My husband got mad at me for not seeing it as a joke and so did the other married siblings who were in the room that were raised by FIL.

So AITAH for saying that my FIL humping the floor in my home/presence made me uncomfortable and drawing that boundary.

I genuinely would appreciate feedback because I plan to have another conversation soon and I want to know that I’m coming into the conversation grounded in reality.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Outrageous_Rabbit842

Can your husband explain the joke… to you and his mother? Can FIL? Cause I don’t get it either. Just straight up gross

OOP

This is a good point and I’m wondering if I should actually ask to see what the response is.

~

Pristine-Local-8176

NTA. Your in laws are weird af for enabling this behavior. Your husband is weird for getting upset you didn’t “get the joke.” Wtf. His father made you uncomfortable. I’d be sick to my stomach if I saw my FIL do that. And your husband’s reaction is to get upset with you instead of address it with his dad? 👀 Gross. All around gross.

OOP

I agree that the whole family is weird, husband included. It definitely has made me wonder if something happened in the home that makes this seem normal.

Rare-Low-8945

Whyyyyyyy did you have a baby with someone before you examined these questionnnssss

OOP

This is my favorite question because NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would I thought I needed to ask, does your dad hump floors and is this funny to you. Never. I’m just as shocked.

Truthfully what makes this even worse is that we’re a very religious community. He’s an elder/deacon in the church, we’re all church goers, worship leaders, musicians, all the things. So I had absolutely no reason to think this would’ve ever come up. Until it did.

mlachick

In my experience the devout Christians are some of the sickest sexual deviants, and calling them out gets you the creepy gaslighting that you’re experiencing.

Update June 14, 2025

ALL ABOARD FOR THE HOT-MESS EXPRESS!

Firstly, thank you to all of the responses. I genuinely appreciate the kind, blunt, informative, funny, and not so nice comments because truly I was looking for ALL perspectives.

It felt reassuring to see that majority (not all) of you felt like it was, in fact, inappropriate/ gross/ weird/ odd/ sick and especially having folks that aren’t like me (religious, jokesters, etc) still see the behavior as not the best.

This is a 24 hour update.

So the reason I followed up with my FIL/MIL wasn’t because my FIL never apologized- HE DID! Reluctantly but he did. I followed up with them because of one particular event that happened on the first phone call when my husband (yes although mad at me) told them that I was uncomfortable. My FIL’s immediate response to my husband (and I) saying I was uncomfortable was that he (FIL) was uncomfortable with the fact that I was uncomfortable and that this all made him feel bad because it’s not fair that I was uncomfortable. He apologized and truly it COULD HAVE stopped right there because truly he’s entitled to his feelings.

But it didn’t stop there. It got back to me that he was telling the other in-laws (siblings) how I couldn’t have fun, I ruin the fun when they’re around, he’s uncomfortable because I’m looking at him like that and that it hurts because I don’t know him better etc etc etc. stuff came up about the tiktok dances and how there was room for interpretation regarding them being inappropriate ETC.

Let me clear one thing up- imagine dances like milly rock, shoot, dougie, 2000’s hip hop. Imagine church dances that you see in African American culture (since we’re religious) like shouting, praising. THAT! There was no twerking, jiving, or jirating. There were maybe 6 (max 8) videos and HALF of them were religious oriented. Nothing seductive, fully clothed, very appropriate. And actually there hasn’t been a video of me dancing nor have I danced there in maybe the last 2-3 years. So let’s just place that there.

OKAY! Him feeling upset wasn’t a problem, it was the taking to the in-laws and word getting back to me and me being questioned about “why I can’t just enjoy the moments and the jokes”. It was the, “why can’t you be happy around them”. I explained that our beliefs and values don’t align to my brother in law (BIL) which is who came to me. BUT For me, this meant one thing clearly- I can’t say, ”I’m uncomfortable” and that simply be received. All of the side talk (BIL confirmed) showed me one thing. There clearly was tension and ill things being spoken so my husband suggested I speak with my in laws versus immediately separating myself. Maybe there was a misunderstanding, let’s just talk it out and see!

How did that conversation go? As you would expect- TERRIBLE. My in-laws were incredibly irate and yelled majority of the time. The part that hurt them the most was me talking to my mother (who’s also a part of the church community). Talking to her meant that I (IN THEIR WORDS) “exposed him” and now she “sees FIL in a different light”. Their words.

One part of the conversation sounded like this:

FIL: how would you feel if I told folks you prostitute?

Me: I would feel like that’s a lie.

FIL: EXACTLY! That’s how I feel.

Me: except I didn’t lie about anything. I just told my mom the facts and how it made me feel

MIL: well OP, doesn’t feel like she lied so she doesn’t understand.

Me: where was the lie? I only told the facts!

FIL: but OP you made me look bad. MIL: yeah OP you’ve now shown him in a different light and that doesn’t show his character. He has a good heart.

A lot of our conversation sounded like that. I’m also realizing a lot of the conversation was rooted in bullying (and that’s the nice way of me saying it) some of the comments sounded like…

• we can joke with all our married friends and married children about sexual conversation but we see we can’t do that with you (MIL)
• we just can’t make any jokes around you so I guess we probably need to be careful with how we talk. I don’t know how I’ll act around you now (MIL)
• what you did was BAD and you shouldn’t have told your family(FIL) To this point, all they know is that I talked to my mom. And what’s interesting about this is that when I asked who should I have spoken to about my discomfort, the respo…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lgnja5/aitah_for_telling_my_fil_he_cant_hump_the_floor/