This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/secure-raspberry-763 on 2025-06-21 17:07:48+00:00.

I am not OP. That is u/CardiologistFar5239 who posted to r/TwoHotTakes

TW: stalking, obsessive behavior

Original Post May 22nd, 2025

Hi sorry this is my first time writing in and I don’t know what to do so I’m just going to jump in. (I’m using a throw away because I’m sure my actual account is being watched, also fake names)

So I 32 F and my husband 33 M have been arguing a lot recently over my old stalker.

For some background back in college (I was 24) I dated a guy (let’s call him Fred) for around 2 months. Fred was interesting to say the least, to save time he had several red flags once we started dating so I dumped him. Fred acted like he couldn’t care less so I thought that was that. Few months go by and I’m starting to see Fred everywhere. I see him at the grocery store I go to, my go to nail place, my favorite restaurants, etc. I thought it was just a weird coincidence so I left it at that. A year after our break up he starts messaging me, telling me he was the happiest with me and that he misses me so much. I called BS and blocked him.

Then things escalated, Fred changed numbers every time I blocked him, made new social media accounts, and I strated seeing his car everywhere. I tried getting a restraining order against Fred but since he hadn’t done anything to me, they couldn’t do anything.

A few months later I was walking to my car at night, Fred “coincidentally” saw me walking alone and offered me a ride home. I said no, that I had my own car and kept walking. Fred proceeded to get out of his car and tried pushing me to his car. I punched him and ran to my car. I drove away and luckily he didn’t follow. I tried again to get a restraining order but it was basically his word against mine.

They gave me a temporary restraining order but that’s it. I was terrified of even walking outside and deleted all my socials. Thankfully a very close friend (let’s call him Pete) stepped in to defend me. Pete ended up threatening Fred and I finally stopped hearing from Fred. I felt free and slowly got back into my normal life.

Now to present day, I’m now married to my husband. I’ve graduated from college and live alone with my husband. We moved to a nearby city and bought a house together.

Sadly a month ago Pete died during his sleep and I was absolutely devastated. I’ve known Pete since I was in high-school and he was my closest friend. To be honest I’m still not over his death and sometimes I can’t believe he’s gone.

But guess who heard about his death? That’s right folks Fred found out and is now back. I received texts from Fred a few days after Pete died. I now see him everywhere and he’s insisting we talk. I just walk away and ignore him. I’ve reported him but nothing has happened so I deleted my socials again. Friends have been telling me Fred has been asking around about me. He’s asked if I moved, what am I doing lately, if I have other social media accounts, etc. I’m honestly terrified!!!

I’ve moved since I finished college but somehow I see him at my gym, grocery store, park, etc. It honestly makes me believe he never stopped watching me and it’s terrifying. I’ve told my husband about everything and he says I’m overreacting or just plain ignores my concerns and changes the subject.

I’ve argued that he doesn’t care and he argues back asking what do I expect him to do. He says that Fred doesn’t know where we live and that we’ll just change gyms. My husband is telling me to just change my regular routine and stop going to certain places. He says it’s no big deal and Fred is harmless. I’m like Fred tried to force me into his car!?! How is that harmless? My husband has been distant ever since this started and I feel alone. I don’t want to tell my friends in fear they will tell Fred. I can’t go to my family because I’m in no contact with them. And of course my husband couldn’t care less.

I need advice, what do I do? Am I crazy? Should I just change my gym and my routine like how my husband says? Part of me just wants to move completely but another part is basically asking myself why do I have to uproot my life and change everything because of him? Can’t he just leave me alone? It’s been like 10 years already and I want to move on from this. Should I just talk to Fred hoping he’ll finally leave me alone?

Added comments from OP

what does her husband think

1

My husband thinks I’m overreacting and says if anything happens that Fred will end up jail. And I hate when he says that because what does it even mean? Do I have to end up in a ditch for I can finally be left alone?

2

My husbands excuse is that the law will protect me and if Fred tries anything, he’ll end up in jail. It pisses me off when he says that. Do I have to end up in a ditch for I can finally be taken seriously?

told to change her routine

I’ve been changing up my routine hoping I won’t see him and it’s worked a bit but not entirely. I do have a protection pack and I carry a bat in my car just in case.

Update 1 May 23rd, 2025

Small update and some more information about my stalker situation.

I’m still new to posting on Reddit so for the first part of my post it should be on my account.

My friends don’t talk to Fred and they are aware of the situation. Fred has reached out to them randomly asking about me. They have reported and blocked him as well.

Now for the update, last night I decided to have a serious conversation with my husband one last time. I sat down with him and explained the whole situation again. Told him how scared I’ve been and that he needs to take this seriously. I wanted to show him how terrified I was. How small I’ve been made to feel not just by Fred but also him. How his lack of support/concern for my own safety is making me question our marriage. I asked if he’d even do anything if I was found in a ditch. He was silent the whole time while looking at the floor. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I got up to pack my things. My husband proceeded to cry. He apologized and said he’d make this right.

He said he didn’t want to overreact in fear of scaring me more. But when in reality it made me feel alone. My husband has been looking into Fred (without my knowledge) and has found out where he works, lives and even Freds family contact information. He wanted to gather more information about Fred before contacting a lawyer.

We’re both taking a few days off of work to get our ducks in a row. We’re getting a lawyer and gathering evidence of Fred’s harassment. We’re also currently looking for a therapist for we can both talk about this whole situation and other issues we have in our marriage.

I also have some voicemails Fred has left me and I officially think he’s lost it. (I have an apple iPhone and you’re able to see voicemails from blocked numbers) Some of the messages are of him saying straight up gibberish while others or as if he’s having a conversation with me. He says things like “oh yeah babe I get off work late so tonight is a no go” or “I’m off so you can come pick it up right now… no… yeah…. I don’t know…. I can’t do this anymore…There’s a lot of fashion in my life.” It sounds like he’s having a conversation but it’s no one else just him and it’s terrifying.

My husband does feel bad and is trying his best to console me. He has apologized repeatedly for making me feel lonely and has been more supportive/open. Currently he’s looking through my car to check if there’s anything that might be giving my location to Fred.

I’ll keep you all updated if we find anything or if anything else happens. Thank you all for your advice and support.

I’ve posted another update I think you can find it on my posts

Update 2 June 6th, 2025

Wasn’t sure if I should make an update but decided to anyways to maybe get some more advice.

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and encouragement. I finished listening to the book “The Gift of Fear” and it really opened my eyes to a lot.

Now onto the update:

After my husband didn’t find anything in my car, I still felt something wrong so I took people’s advice and took my car to the mechanic. Told my mechanic about my situation and if he could take a look at my car.

And to my horror, a couple days later, my mechanic found a small little cube that was placed hidden under my car. At first I really wanted to believe it was just part of my car or something. But my mechanic explained that it wasn’t and it was deliberately hidden. The cube is really small and magnetic. I called my lawyer right then and told them everything. I got pictures of the gps and where it was placed. I thanked the mechanic and drove to my lawyers office.

At this point I was shaking and wanted to cry. How long had the gps been there? How long has Fred been following me without me knowing? Was he watching me at that moment? Is he going to add another one?

I called my husband to meet me at the lawyers office and told him everything. At the office I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to run away and not look back. I was terrified and I felt so violated. Knowing I was being watched for who knows how long…

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