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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/lovebutnoclue on 2023-09-01 05:10:23.

I (30s f) have been dating a man (30s m) for a couple years. Generally, things have been rocky. Rocky because he is unemployed, lives with his parents, and has a history of defensiveness that can make him uncomfortable to be around (this is related to his non-employment). I have a lot of empathy for him, because he recently went through a life altering illness, and because, at the core of it, I think he does have a good heart.

But recently my empathy ran out.

He often stays at my house for days at a time and enjoys my cooking. I made a from scratch lasagna, all the way down to pulling the tomatoes out of the garden. We had a spoken agreement that he would tidy up after. After I ate, I went upstairs, and had a bath and fell asleep in bed.

Side note, I work in epidemiology and often talk about food safety as something I’m very meticulous about because I see the stats.

I woke up the next morning after the lasagna and went to the kitchen to see it out on the counter, left out all night, spoiled. I winced, and before dealing with it, went to take my dog out and run her around before breakfast. When I got back in, he had woken up, clearly saw that he left the lasagna out and put it in the fridge. I discovered this when I went back to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He was willing to risk getting me sick and save face by putting it in the fridge after it sat out 14 hours. If I didn’t know any better, I would have potentially eaten it.

Knowing he’s a bit fragile, I tried to talk to him about it. I didn’t expect him to respond the way he did. When I asked him if he knew that eating food left out is unsafe he said he didn’t. After 2 years together and me setting boundaries around food safety, that didn’t make sense to me. So I paused and looked at him confused. He screamed as loud as he could an inch from my face “I DIDN’T KNOW, DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE I’M FUCKING STUPID!” And then continued to go on, very agitated that I always make assumptions that he knows what he doesn’t.

I responded with “get out.” Repeatedly. Calmly. I know how much I give and bring to the table, I wasn’t about to be yelled at andhave to deal with a mad-at-me-for-being-mad scenario.

He gathered his things and left. It’s been almost a week and I have heard nothing from him. I really think it’s over because of lasagna. AITA?