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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-06-22 04:04:05+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Prestigious-Ice-7293
Originally posted to r/AITAH
AITAH for grabbing my newborn baby from my SIL
Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s note: edited the title for ease of readability
Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, controlling behavior, medical issues, physical assault
Original Post: June 10, 2025
I (28F) had my son Kyson 4 months ago. At 22 weeks I was diagnosed with partial placenta previa and we were hoping and praying it would resolve, but at 28 weeks I was told I have complete placenta previa. This news hurt because I had a birth plan but my doctor still closely monitored it even though he made it clear that there might be less chance of resolving it and might have a C-section. At 35 weeks I had heavy bleeding so I delivered my beautiful baby boy through an emergency C-section. My son was in the NICU for 2 weeks before we got to go home.
2 weeks ago there was a family party at my MIL’s house, I was sitting in the ladies when Ky started crying. So I breastfed him while chatting nobody had a problem with that them after that I handed him to my SIL since she wanted to play with him. While he was holding him she said something.
So they started talking about my SIL’s labour and she said it was a breeze. Then I said “aww thats nice, I hope to have a natural with my second some day”. Then she said “a natural birth needs preparation during the whole pregnancy.” Then she went on to say “you never worked out or got active much.” So I told her it was because of the placenta previa situation. This woman literally said “that’s not an excuse tho, I had Roud Ligament Pain and I still managed to keep active.” I told her I was kept on bed rest half my pregnancy and had too many hospital visits so I didn’t wanna do anything to risk putting myself in danger.
Then she said “your body can feels the nerves and it reads accordingly, you should’ve relaxed and let nature take it’s course. That’s how natural births work, the C-section was avoidable.” I told her to f herself and took my baby out her arms and went to my hubby. We left after. Apparently she told anyone who asked where I am got sensitive and left the party. After a few days she asked to see Kyson and I said I’m not comfortable being around her at the moment. She accused me of weaponizing my son and using him to hurt her.
NOTE: Whole pregnancy she kept on giving unsolicited advice on how to “fix” the placenta previa and I feel like she thinks if I had listened to her I would have had Kyson naturally. I felt sad for a few weeks after birth cause my birth plan didn’t go how I wanted it to, these feelings just feel like they resurfaced tbh. I thought I was ok.
AITAH for Grabbing him and not agreeing to visit her.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: NTA. SIL can stay in her judgmental bubble by herself. I would’ve humiliated her at the party by asking why she thought she knew more than the doctors who gave you the advice.
And ask her where she got her medical degree from, because you’d like to tell people to not attend that university since clearly their candidates are both ignorant and downright stupid with a capital S.
Sancti-mommies are the worst.
OOP: She hates C-section births, formula, the likes. She’s that type.
Commenter 2: NTA, she sounds like an idiot. What part of bedrest did she not understand??
I went through a placenta abruption, almost died and almost lost my baby. The first thing my doctor said to me once I was coherent enough to hear it was “you did nothing wrong”.
If someone said to me what she said to you after what I went through (and in the same token, what you went through), I don’t know if I could ever speak to them again. What she said was cruel, vile, and more importantly, completely false.
OOP: So sorry about the placenta abruption, so glad you and baby are ok. It was so hurtful especially since she knows how I wanted to have a natural delivery.
Commenter 3: NTA. Nobody’s giving out medals for having natural births and people need to stop looking down on c-section births like it’s a failing of some kind. You did what was advised based on professional opinion for the health and safety of you and your child.
You are not weaponising anything, she is just playing victim and you don’t need to be around this toxic attitude. If she doesn’t apologise or you can’t come to a point where you are comfortable to be around her, just keep enjoying your baby and motherhood without this negative energy!
OOP: They see a C-section as easy but it’s really not. Thank you, I’m prioritizing my mental health and my son.
Commenter 4: Wow. Nta!! Comparing round ligament pain something every pregnant woman feels to placenta previa that legit forces you to have no choice but to limit activity is truly insane. If she said this to your face I can only imagine what they all say behind your back!! I’d send her and your MIL info on placenta previa and why you couldn’t work out and tell SIL you no longer want to be around someone like her and how hurtful it was to demonize a condition you had no control over that could’ve cost you and your son your lives!! She’s the type who’d give your baby something he’s allergic too bc she thinks you’re exaggerating it or he needs to eat it to grow out of allergy. I would not feel safe around her!!
OOP: When we first told her about the diagnoses I provided her with facts but she is just stubborn and she says science makes pregnancy more complicated than it’s supposed to when it’s a natural thing. She doesn’t babysit him neither does my MIL.
Is SIL a doctor and anti-vaxxer?
OOP: No, she is an accountant
Surprisingly she vaccinates. But she hates epidural, ipad kids, eats organic food, etc…
Update #1: June 10, 2025 (same day, seven hours later)
I made my post hours ago and I am so overwhelmed at the amount of support and kindness I have gotten from everyone in the comments.n
So when I told my husband about what he did, I didn’t like his reaction. I told him exactly what happens and he said “I don’t want to interfere in women arguments babe”. I then told him that he can atleast ask his sister to be sensitive about my experience and he said “Why don’t you talk to my mom about it so she sits you two down and have a mature discussion?”. My husband knows SIL is the apple of my MIL’s eye so she would side with her. There has never been a need for my MIL to pick sides but if there ever was we all know who he would. I told him that I would feel more comfortable if he is there. But he said its a birth thing so women should discuss it.
I mentioned in a comment on the original post that my hubby suggested therapy, he feels like the only reason I was offended by SIL is because I have not gotten over the fact that I had an emergency C-section. I mean he is right but I just really want HIM to talk to his sister is that so wrong, I want his support and for him to make things clear to her. If you are wondering whether I have support system like family then no I don’t, my parents are in a different country and I live in my husband’s home country. I do have a few friends.
That is why I appreciate all your kind comments, they mean a lot to me really.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: NTA. “It’s not a ‘woman’s birth thing’. It’s MY birth thing and you’re MY partner, and that means that when YOUR family acts like an asshole towards me, YOU need to be the one to step between us and tell them to back the fuck off. I don’t care what her reasons are. I’ve told her flat out not to do a thing and she keeps doing it. If my dad or brother came over and told you about how you’re doing parenting wrong, how you’re a failure as a husband and a father, how would you feel if I just told you to talk to my daddy about my brother picking on you? Instead of standing up for you? You’re making me feel like you agree with everything she’s saying, and that’s making me rethink how this relationship is going. And if I feel like you can actually protect and provide for me. You’re not even protecting me from your family. That’s pretty shitty.”
OOP: He says his hands are tied, but yet again nobody wants me to and up to SIL and offend her. He expressed his displeasure about my post too.
Commenter 1: Because it makes him look bad. His hands are tied by himself. NO one’s holding him down. He’s choosing his family over the one he’s making with you. That speaks pretty loud. "Do you want to be a part of OUR family, or do you want to be a weekend dad because I clearly can’t trust your judgement or trust you in general if you keep letting your family harass me. Your mom is not my fucking moderator. She’s not my mom. She’s also not without fault. There’s a bias there. Where do you think your sister gets it? I’m not playing a game with someone over who can parent MY child best. I’m the parent. My say, between me and your…
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Seriously everyone needs to see this bs.
I have same issues with my partner family. “Oh just want to keep peace”, like really? You don’t even like them and its a literal feeling of dread to visit 2x a year but my SO will die on the hill defending them. Thank God it takes a flight to visit or my relationship would have been over like ops.
Commenter 1: Because it makes him look bad. His hands are tied by himself. NO one’s holding him down. He’s choosing his family over the one he’s making with you. That speaks pretty loud. “Do you want to be a part of OUR family, or do you want to be a weekend dad because I clearly can’t trust your judgement or trust you in general if you keep letting your family harass me. Your mom is not my fucking moderator. She’s not my mom. She’s also not without fault. There’s a bias there. Where do you think your sister gets it? I’m not playing a game with someone over who can parent MY child best. I’m the parent. My say, between me and your sister, is the final one. If you can’t back me up, then I think you’re making it pretty clear where I stand and what I should do moving forward.”
OOP: I feel s stupid cause he has been doing this since we got married, I should’ve established this then maybe then I wouldn’t be on reddit asking for help. I have to have a talk with him, hopefully he hears me out. Thank you for your advice.
Commenter 2: I would very very very seriously consider leaving husband to his family and taking the baby home to her own parents for a few months or years. If husband wants to come move to her, that’s fine. But, he needs to sit down with her Dad and talk to her Dad because that’s Men’s Business.
And her dad will rip him a new one.
OOP: My parents are back home in our country. So my inlaws are my family here. He can’t sit with my Dad because my dad doesn’t like him, he tolerates him and is civil but isn’t fond of him.
Commenter 3: Yeah don’t wait to see a therapist. I had PPD after I had my son. The therapist had no problem with me bringing him to my appointments.
OOP: I found one and they don’t mind my son being there in my sessions. I am yet to meet up with her for my first appointment.
Commenter 4: Where to start… please tell your husband if he needs to stay away from anything involving vaginas that he can keep it in his pants from now on
OOP: Funny you say that when he talked bout a sibling for Ky haha, he said it as a joke. I am so not ready again and won’t be anytime soon.
Update #2: June 14, 2025 (four days later)
Hey everyone, first off I would like to thank you all for the support I got on my 2 other posts. The love and support you gave me was more than appreciated and it have me the courage to do what I did today. I saw some comments saying I named my son a “tragedeigh”, My husband and I agreed that I would pick the first name and he would pick the middle name so we both get to name him. If you don’t like the name then I don’t know how to help you with that, besides I did not want his first name on the post so I used his other name Kyson. I now realized that I could’ve just used a fake name. Today a lot happened, I talked to my SIL an MIL and I also talked to my husband, it went TERRIBLE actually that is an understatement to what happened today.
My talk with SIL and MIL took place at my MIL’S house at around 10am. I got there and they were already there, I expected my hubby to have gone with me but he didn’t. My SIL got to the point and asked me why I was so upset at her. I reminded her all that she said to me and she said “was I wrong tho, you are just offended that I spoke the truth.” I remembered all the advice I got from your comments and I told her what I had learnt about placenta previa and her misinformation. I also told her about the difference between Round Ligament Pain and Placenta Previa And what I went through. She rolled her eyes and said that’s what doctors want to do so they make money off of C-sections. My MIL the whole time sat there defending her and saying I shouldn’t take it to heart while SIL still stood on all she said. SIL called me incompetent and sensitive so I said some colourful words and was walking out, btw I was baby wearing. She grabbed my arm and pulled me telling me she isn’t done talking and that I am walking away with her nephew. I told her to let me go or I’ll get her arrested for handling me in that manner so she let go. I told them when they are ready to behave like adults then they will see Kyson. I was so scared of standing up for myself but I did it, my hands were shaking lol.
I got home and hubby wasn’t there so I got Ky to take a nap and called my dad, I spilled everything to him and he was furious, he told me to either move out or fly back home. I told him I have to talk to hubby first and I will tell them how things go.
When hubby got home later in the afternoon I was breastfeeding, he came into the living room and asked how the meeting went. I could tell he had a sour mood. I told him it went bad and he told me “oh I know”. He told me that his mother is so hurt by my disrespect. I told him how they behaved and he told me that I am trying to say his mother is a liar. So basically his mom called and told him I was screaming and shouting at them, she told him I was hysterical and even rattled Ky up. SIL backed MIL up so it was like a tag team. I explained what actually happened and he said all this drama wouldn’t be happening if I didn’t overreact to a few comments made at the party. I was shocked, I told him I thought he was supposed to defend me and he said he can’t ruin the relationship with his family because of my insecurities. I told him that I will leave with my son and go to people who actually care about me and that my dad will book my flight.
I walked away with Kyson and he grabbed my arm and said his son goes nowhere, he told me he was tired of my continuous complaints about his family. He said of I was still hurt by those comments then maybe I’m the problem and need to look into fixing it. He brought up a few memories I don’t wanna mention but just past experiences with his family. At this point it was getting loud and Ky was crying so I told hubby to relax. He didn’t, let just say the living room wall understood he was angry. So I told him I want to go somewhere I feel safe. I left with Ky and we are currently in a hotel. I want to move to another city, and start life fresh there, I can request for a transfer. My husband expresses himself audibly when angry so what happened after that was so unusual and a shock. He has called me asking me to come home and that he was just frustrated.
He know this account and he know about the posts, so he saw the comments that I got. He sent a message about how I let strangers love the internet get into my head and convince me against my family, he said he felt torn between supporting his sister and supporting me and I can’t blame him for not knowing which side to take. I told him I don’t want Ky to grow up in such an environment and stopped replying.
I don’t know if I was dramatic or I did too much. I still don’t understand why he got so angry and why he reacted that way. I also wanna know why his mom and sister lied to him. I don’t know there’s a lot of uncertainty right now but Ky and I are safe. I will talk to a lawyer about the next steps to take. I feel at peace, I have gone through so much in my 5 years of marriage, I now want to raise my son in a healthy environment.
Thank you for all the support really.
Comment from OOP’s husband
OOP’s husband (downvoted): I’m sick of this, evey account make is deleted and it’s cause nobody want to hear MY SIDE. [Redacted] I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY BREAKING YOUR OWN FAMILY UP CAUSE OF THESE STRANGERS. YOU CLEARLY ENJOY STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET CALL ME VILE WORDS. please unblock me, I stull deserve to see my son.
OOP: Don’t say my name on a public app. I am happy because I am safe, stop posting stories trying to get attention. You were barely there when I was carrying Kyson now you want to see him. If I was to list everything you have done to me and you had allowed your sister to do, reddit wouldn’t allow that. Just remind your sister that I have a burn mark. I stayed through all this. Please stop embarrassing yourself.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: I am so proud of you for standing your ground. You have absolutely done the right thing for yourself and your son. Book the next flight back to your parents and allow them to support and cherish both of you. Sending all my love and strength to you, you brave brave woman xxx
OOP: I’m not sure about brave since it took 5 yrs to do this. thank you.
Downvoted Commenter: Not sure what your other post is about exactly or where it is (I’ll look after this comment) but your SIL isn’t 100% wrong that docs say some things to encourage C Sections as they cost $$$. I say it because it happened to me. No need to also say “I will have you arrested” about she grabbed you. She didn’t punch you. I feel like you saying that already is asking for more Tension. You said you already said some “colorful words” so that could’ve been enough. it sucks they’re tag teaming up on you but I feel like you’re being dramatic with the c section comments.
OOP: It’s not about the c section, I was there to eventually talk this out and make peace or try to be civil. Its not about the C-section, although it’s not appreciated her making me feel like I could have prevented almost dying. In my country forcibly holding someone from levin can have you arrested so yes I could, cause he held my hand while was baby wearing and pulled me towards her, if I had fell that would have been a charge for child endangerment.
Where is OOP located?
OOP: South Africa**
Commenter 2: Is that where you are, or where your family is? It might help you get better legal advice if you update the original post with both where you are, and where your family is. For example, I’m in the US and don’t know anything about the laws in South Africa. There’s a lot of people rooting for you! Hugs from an internet stranger.
OOP: My parents are in the Philippines. Thank you so much.
Commenter 3: He reads the comments? Good. Dear OPs husband, you are just as abusive as your sick family. Your sister is entitled and enabled by your mother. You are spineless for even considering choosing them over your wife. Your wife IS your family. She is the mother of your child. You have now lost your family because you couldn’t cut the umbilical cord from your own mother. However it seems to be for the better as no sane person would want a child to be around any of you. Sincerely, people who actually care about your wife’s and child’s safety.
OOP: High chance he saw this
Can OOP leave where she is at?
OOP: I can leave the city, not country, cause of his parental rights, he would need to authorize an international trip.
It sounds like it’s not the first time the MIL and SIL has lied to OOP’s husband
OOP: you are right it is not, his sister has been physically expressive with her anger once. He went LC with her after that incident but then they made up.
Commenter 4: Did you take your personal documents (passport, IDs, birth certificate etc)? If not, get a friend to go with you to retrieve it from your home. Don’t go alone. Do not be anywhere alone that your disgusting husband and his family can get to you unprotected.
OOP: I just prioritized getting my documents and my son’s belongings.
Update #3: June 15, 2025 (next day)
Hi everyone, I wanna thank you for the support I received on my last post it really meant a lot to me. I did not reply to all your comments but I saw most of them and I appreciate all the advice I got. This is is my last update for a few months, I will final update maybe around December or November. Happy (belated) Father’s Day to all the wonderful dad’s out there, biological or not, kids or not, you are all amazing.
So the police took my statement and I showed them the bruising, they opened a file for my case. They talked to my husband and SIL advising them to keep their distance. I want to apply for a protection order so they don’t come near Kyson and I. My SIL, Hubby and MIL have not contacted me since their talk with the cops, as for our marriage it’s definitely over. Since I am a foreigner I can’t just pack and leave especially since we have a child together. I would need his father’s consent to leave the country and we all know he will not give permission for that. I talked to a lawyer about my options and the laws around dv, travel, and custody. Legal action is going to take time. The protection order could take a few weeks. Since I want to leave and take away his parental rights, I have to prove dv and that he is unfit and can potentially hurt Kyson. Kyson also needs a passport. The whole legal process will take time, months if we are speaking. If my husband does contest anything then it will take even longer. I was told it could 6 months or more to fully sort out the custody and permission to leave the country with baby Ky. It’s not gonna be fast but I’m willing to have the patience for this if it means safety for my son and I.
Good news is my parents and brothers are flying over, they will arrive end of this week. So yeah, yesterday that was all I did, met the police and a lawyer, also moved to live with a friend of mine and her husband. My dad and brothers said they want to talk to my husband (soon to be ex) about men stuff, I don’t think that’s a good idea lol. The stress and everything of this has made my milk supply drop significantly, in my first post I mentioned in the comments that it is low but it has gotten worse. I really want to be able to fully feed my baby andi tr so hard to be hydrated and eat well. I need sleep, Ky has also been very fussy.
This update might be all over the place but I made progress. Hopefully in a few months time I will be giving a great update from my parents house. I didn’t do a lot but there’s so much to do but it’s one step at a time.
I might not respond to all your comments but I promise I see your advice and appreciate it heavily. Thank you for all the support.💗 🙏🏽
Relevant Comments
How did OOP get to see a lawyer that quickly?
OOP: I know. In my other post I mentioned connections when in the comments, I don’t know if you saw that. I have to meet him again to open a case file and start everything. I’m glad he explained my options to me.
Commenter 1: All I could hear when reading what your soon-to-be-ex husband was “wah wah wah, I’m a mommy’s boy who wants his bottle, wah wah wahhh” good for you, OP, who needs that shit.
OOP: Funny thing is his mom doesn’t like him that much lol. I don’t get how he is a mommas boy but she doesn’t like him
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
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