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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-06-23 04:00:12+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/OhMeLads

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO I left my bf cos he uninvited me to his birthday as per his friend’s wishes?

Trigger Warnings: possible stalking

Original Post: June 10, 2025

A bit of a long one, sorry in advance.

So me (18F) and my bf (18M) have been together just over a year. It’s been a little rocky over the last couple of months, he often says things about my friends which aren’t very nice, he tried to me give ultimatums on my guy friends I’ve known since 5, etc. and the final straw was him uninviting me to his 18th birthday, because his friends didn’t want me there. He does have a habit of twisting the truth, and has came out with loads of random lies, so I don’t know if they ever even said that, he doesn’t really like me being involved with his friends and doesn’t seem to like mine too much. The only reason I can think they don’t like me, is one of his female friends was dumped by her ex, and she was really on him for comfort. Like a lot. At first I get she was upset, but I’d walk around the corridor at 6th form and she’d be hanging onto him and around his neck crying, all the time. So I asked him to please respect boundaries as it felt disrespectful towards me. He didn’t like this so told me he was picking her side, and that his friends said I was controlling and it wasn’t fun when I was around, so uninvited me.

This was kind of the final straw, so I said okay, have your birthday party as you want in, and said maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore if I’m not respected or wanted around. I was really hurt but walked away from it all, and soon unfriended him on social media when I saw him talking about his new found “freedom”, and just posting really cryptic mean things that seemed to be aimed towards me.

My own 18th birthday was a few weeks after, so I’d been planning my own birthday, with the help of one of my friends who’d been trying to cheer me up. She informed me that he’d been posting really sad emo like stuff on Facebook, about how heartbroken he was, about a week later after I unfriended him.

He’s also apparently planned another night out with his friends, to be on the same day as my birthday night out, in the same city, and I feel a bit like he’s trying to now gatecrash my birthday fun.

I’m not sure if he feels bad about how he acted, or if I overreacted for leaving him because I wasn’t invited to his birthday? I just don’t understand the sudden 180 on his attitude and wondering if I should have just accepted his wishes, even if it did hurt.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: You’re young, with your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste your youth on someone who can’t be honest with you, who doesn’t respect you and your boundaries. I’m glad you’re realising this now when you’re 18, I took much longer.

OOP: You don’t think I was overreacting then?

He’s very bad at apologising and I don’t know if this is him trying to apologise or if he genuinely just wants to snoop on my birthday event.

Commenter 2: It’s his birthday party, if he really wanted you there he would have told his friends to back off. If you think he’s lying about them saying that, that means that you don’t even have the trust with him that you should. You could reach out to his friends too. The fact he doesn’t want you around his friends is weird. You’re also young, and you have a long time to find someone who actually cares. If you don’t feel like this is worth breaking up after, talk to him and see how he acts. You’re not overreacting, he’s acting weird.

OOP: It does feel like some weird power play. But I don’t know cos I’m new to this and being my first “serious” relationship, I guess?

But it almost feels like because I haven’t gone grovelling and crying to him, he’s turning the tables. He did initially try and contact me and said how lonely he was and how much he missed me, I replied with “so?” And he had the audacity to say I was acting cold and how hurtful it was…

Maybe I dodged a bullet?

Commenter 3: It’s fine to act cold towards an ex who hurt you during the breakup. Don’t let his attempts to guilt you and the societal pressure girls go through growing up to “play nice” and “not make a fuss” cause you to feel bad for him. He did this to himself. These are the consequences of his actions. If you give in and take him back, you’ll be proving that he can get away with treating you like crap.

OOP: Yeah I didn’t wanna really have any hard confrontation because I didn’t wanna give his friends that opinion on me, but then my mother reminded me, why do I care, they aren’t my friends anyway, and she’s right

Commenter 4: NOR. I dated someone who made those micro lies about nothing of consequence, it’s a disease and makes it so you cannot trust anything they say. You made the right decision for your own mental health.

OOP: Honestly yes!? It’s about the most mundane shit too, like he lies constantly about everything, like I’m a big fan of a game series and he lied and told me that there was a new one, (I checked, there wasn’t) and when I called him out on it he got extremely defensive and said I must have just not heard him properly.

Commenter 5: NOR and most likely he hooked up with that friend. He did the immature boy thing which is push you away until you take action and now he regrets it. Don’t take that as him caring for you it’s a I want my cake kinda thing. Let the loser go he is a lil submissive bitch to his friends. You want someone who has some more autonomy and makes their own path. Also take this as a gift. You’re at a good age to be unattached and make selfish choices that will build a future YOU want. Don’t let a dude be the author of your story and if he crashes your birthday treat him like a pathetic loser. I’m so serious practice being a mean bitch he’s gonna call you one anyways no matter how this shakes out. Might as well get your zingers in and have a fun story about that loser ex that you mic dropped on at your birthday boosted up by all your friends.

OOP: I have my suspicions that he did like her, or the attention. There is one person in his class that asked if I was okay after the news went round, and said this girl is apparently known for doing this stuff.

I mean…I’m a little insecure, but she must be mad insecure to have to do that. She can have him and his unwashed ass.

Update: June 16, 2025 (six days later)

The original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/AaOUE2ahBo

Update! First of all I wanna say thank you to any birthday wishes I had, I spent most of my weekend nursing a sorehead after enjoying my 18th in the city and had a blast.

Now on to the stuff I know people are here for.

So my NOW EX, did in fact have his night out to coincide with mine. In the same city. In the places he knows I’d circle. (I’m quite gothic so I went to those kinds of bars.) Pretty much as I suspected he would.

First off as my friends and I were walking through the city to our next place, him and his friends came out of a place a little further ahead of us, he clocked us immediately and kept sorting of dragging back and turning around and looking at us as we were walking the same direction. Honestly it was pretty awkward? We just kind of tried to ignore him at first, but then his friends turned around to see what he was doing and noticed us too, some came over and were really nice, considering how much they were supposed to dislike me, in his words.

They were smiling and saying hello, asking what we were doing out and WHY DIDNT I COME TO HIS BIRTHDAY, that they didn’t realise it was mine. He on the other hand, said NOTHING. Just stood there shifting on his feet.

His group ended up inviting us along and I was a bit hesitant, but turns out they were going to the same place we were anyway (shocker).

So he keeps trying to talk to me and I just brush him off with yes or no answers or whatever, and he starts crying asking why I’m being so cold and everything saying shit like “Oh so you really do hate me” and I’m like. Dude, I’m not interested in this it’s my birthday night out, please just leave me alone?

Eventually his friends ended up moving on to a different place and wished us goodnight and he start literally SCREAMING to them about how I’m being so heartless etc etc and won’t talk to him and how I dumped him and how I was likely cheating on him since my long-term friend was there(who was very understanding and I apologised profusely to him). It was fucking embarrassing. In the middle of the street. Like people were looking and everything whilst he was having this absolute meltdown about how I’m a cold hearted bitch etc.

Some of his friends ended up just walking off whilst some tried to console him, whilst one of my friends reminded him he didn’t want me at his birthday in the first place. Meanwhile I’m just enjoying a cocktail, with my friends, watching this all unfold like a drama series.

My friends found the whole thing entertaining so did inform me of any w…

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