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The original was posted on /r/truscum by /u/Future_Emergency4501 on 2025-06-26 03:26:16+00:00.

This isn’t a direct vent toward anyone or anything, I just don’t feel like I truly belong in a community where the identity isn’t mine, and I don’t relate to the majority of people I’ve met in it.

I often find myself learning about more and more identities and sexual orientations that, to me personally, don’t always make the most sense, but I just roll with the punches. I also find myself encountering folks in online spaces who seem like the type that…don’t touch grass too often, if you catch my drift.

Rarely do I meet people in the community who simply want to connect with others like them, outside of just being trans. I’ve never fully understood the idea of leading with being trans in order to find friends or community. In my mind, if we meet and you happen to be trans, that’s cool. If not, that’s cool too.

Which leads me to another reason I don’t really see myself staying active in the community: the anti-cis rhetoric. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely some hateful and harmful cis people out there. But not all of them are like that. As someone who has dated both cis men and cis women, I’ve found that most are just confused about how to approach or talk to us because of what they’ve seen or read on social media. Yes, it’s an individual thing and no one is a monolith, but when you see viral videos of people causing scenes at places like Disney World (if you know, you know)… it makes sense why that confusion turns into avoidance or discomfort.

And then there’s the whole AuDHD thing. Again, not bashing anyone, but it’s yet another reason I don’t feel like I fit in. I’m not neurodivergent at all. I find myself to be pretty normal and boring, educated, working a 9–5, just a typical guy when it comes down to it. That kind of vibe feels like a rarity in many out trans spaces. If I met more people who just felt like regular folks, I probably wouldn’t mind being openly trans.

But being labeled as “FTM” or some soft version of a man like “boi” or “transmasc genuinely irritates my soul. I’m not “FTM,” I’m not a “boi,” I’m not “transmasc,” and I’m not delusional about how society will treat me or how I present. Passing might not be the goal for everyone, but for those who do want to pass, why not be realistic about what it takes?

I don’t know. I could go on and on about this. But for all these reasons, being out in the community feels more exhausting than liberating.