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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PositiveBoot on 2023-09-01 13:41:25.

Yesterday was my birthday. A week or so ago I reminded my partner of 10 months about it and asked him if he was free to celebrate with me. I know he has certain days with his son (from a previous relationship) so I wanted to check ahead of time and was prepared to make alternative plans if not.

Not only was he free but he said ‘leave it to me, I’ll handle it’. We discussed different activities I’d enjoy doing and honestly I was excited at the prospect of having someone else plan something for me as I had spent my last birthday alone.

Cut to the day of my birthday and my partner gives me a gift, says happy birthday and then tells me he’s going out. He has to run an errand for his mum but will be back later to do ‘something’ in the afternoon. It dawned on me that he hadn’t booked anything specific but ok… maybe we can do something last minute. It’s gets to 5pm and I receive a message with a screenshot of some verbally abusive texts he had received from the mother of his child and saying he was ‘having a nightmare of a day’.

I gathered from the details in the screenshot that he would be spending the day with his son and not celebrating my birthday with me. For context my partners ex had been denying access to his son for a few days and I guess he took the opportunity to see his son while he could. My partner came home at 8.30pm, no apology or even acknowledgment of the change in plans. He began talking to me about starting a legal battle for his son (something we have discussed before).

I was upset and told him I was angry at him for his lack of communication and that I could have arranged something with a friend or family if I had known he wouldn’t be there instead of spending the day alone. I’m new to dating someone with a child and understand his son is my partners top priority but AITA for arguing with my partner about this and not being more empathetic to his situation?

EDIT: This is about the communication around spending the day with his son, not about the fact that my partner spent time with him. I love his son, we get on great and my partner is an excellent father. I can’t edit the title.