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The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/KyleKKent on 2025-06-26 20:19:53+00:00.

First

Capes and Conundrums

Three Gohb drone repairwomen, a Carib for tuning up Axiom totems and a pair of Kohbs working in some kind of medical lab. At least they’re easy enough to carry.

Harold flashes into and out of the docking bay, getting glimpses of Winifred breaking the locks off the door and opening it as he carries the rest of the base staff out, by the time he’s got the last one there’s a huge crack as wherever they are starts outright freefalling. Too many unknowns, no more time and the priority is always lives.

He slips into the shuttle and closes the door behind him. “If there’s anyone I missed, now’s the time to say it because this is our last chance to get someone.”

“This is everyone!” One of the Muffis states.

“Punch it brother!” Harold commands.

“How about a kick instead?!” Herbert asks as he takes full control of the shuttle and it starts doing more than just maintaining position and resisting the pull of gravity. They blast out of the door and there’s a sigh of relief. That’s when something under the floor starts giving out a beeping noise.

“Nope. That’s not going to do anything.” Herbert notes in a satisfied tone.

“Bomb?” Harold asks and everyone but him and Herbert look down in shock.

“Bomb. I only had time to remove the detonators, so no-one jump too hard. The plasma payload is still very alive.” Herbert warns them all.

“Or if you absolutely have to, give me a warning so that I can reinforce the ship first.” Harold says as he glances through the crowded shuttle. Twelve people in a flying minivan is far too many, and the balance between all the smaller peoples is countered pretty heavily with how badly Winifred and the Agela are packed in. “I can’t fit to the front, what does it say about our location?”

“We’re still on Skathac. The problem is that we’re close to the lava so the heat shields on this thing will not go down. So we get no visual, just sensors.”

“And we can’t exactly forcibly lower the shields without risking the girls in here.” Harold notes.

“Correct. But I can say we’re no longer in the same hemisphere as Gotham. Not exactly on the opposite side of the world, but south enough for silly sayings like digging to China to happen.” Herbert explains.

“Got it.” Harold says.

“Can we get away from the lava please? The heat shields being up is making this can feel claustrophobic.” One of the Muffis asks.

“Already on it.”

“So what’s going on anyways?” One of the Kohbs asks. “Things started blowing up and then mister funny eyes swung in like some hero in a boy-power movie. And while I appreciate strong arms around me and a heavily pumping man, being carried to an escape shuttle is a bit different from where I’d appreciate that being.”

“Don’t even try little lady. His family is a warrior family.” Winifred notes.

“And speaking of… were you on the good stuff or the bad stuff when you told me you weren’t a warrior?” Harold asks.

“I’m not!” Winifred protests and the Agela snorts so loudly it almost echoes in the tiny space. “No really! I’m not!”

“The cracks in my bones and massive bruising says otherwise. If I was any slower on the Axiom you’d have reduced me to paste.”

“Perhaps my potential sister in law should elaborate as to what she considers a warrior? You know, beyond someone capable of violence when provoked.”

“A warrior lives for war. Hence the term. Whether professional or not a warrior is a mindset where violence is a way of life. And I’m sorry, but violence is what happens when I’m pissed off!” Winifred explains before giving the Agela a sharp look.

“Just as a reminder, if this shuttle is cracked open the only likely survivors are me and my brother, he has a defensive Axiom Brand on and I’m actually on Centris.” Herbert remarks.

“Should he be driving from hundreds of lightyears away?” One of the Gohbs asks.

“They’re probably using Protn in that prosthetic.” Another mentions.

“Oh, okay.”

“Hey do we have to go to… ugh… Gotham? Ann and I live in the South Easterly City. More an industrial base than that insane tourist trap.”

“It’s still kind of crazy to me that most cities on Skathac are named for location.” Herbert says. “And we’ll get you there eventually, but you all need to be debriefed first. You all just went through a lot and someone rigged this ship to blow. We need to make sure something worse isn’t just around the corner and get a full picture of whatever the heck is going on.”

“Yes because SOMEONE thought they were being slick by sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong then used me for a battering ram in some extreme redecorating!” The Agela growls out.

“If someone was able to use her words and not her fists like a grown woman and not a tantruming child then maybe she wouldn’t have been put through the floor!” Winifred counters.

“Are you going to get between them?” One of the Muffis asks Harold.

“Excuse me?”

“Well this is some kind of insane lover’s spat right? Like in Echo’s Mementos, Season Five Episode Three?”

“What?” Harold asks.

“What do you mean what? It’s only the most popular midnight drama on Flux Time Programming!”

“It’s amazing that I can perfectly understand what you’re saying but still be completely confused.” Harold notes.

“I’ve seen a couple episodes of that. It follows a Sonir woman named Echo who has had a long and storied life, with the framing device being her remembering the origins and such with the little trinkets she’s collected.”

“Mementos. They’re mementos.” The Muffis protests.

“Either way. It’s a… an interesting series. Granted from my understanding it’s been playing so long that when you put together all the life she’s supposedly lived, she predates the evolution of her own species.” Winifred says and Herbert chuckles at that.

“From what my contact is telling me that happened around season fifteen, was guaranteed by season eighteen and we’re halfway through it’s thirtieth season.” Herbert says.

“Well there must be something to it if it has that level of staying power.” Harold says to play peacemaker.

“Oh it’s a wonderful show with such involved and intricate storylines that you really need to pay attention to in order to follow, like the time that Echo’s former roommate was involved with the…”

“Ma’am, please, is now the time?”

“Standing on thin ice brother.” Herbert mocks him.

“Excuse me?”

“Are you or are you not, the warrior clone of myself that was created to test weapons against and was released by a spy and assassin who became your father figure and then assisted by my great grandmother in law who became as a mother figure to you.”

“Don’t make me out to be some sort of soap opera character!”

“You’re a step away from being my evil twin! You’ve always been a soap opera character!” Herbert taunts him with glee.

“Excuse me, I need to smack him hard enough to feel through a prosthetic.” Harold notes as he starts moving through the tiny Aircar. Herbert just cackles.

“Excuse me.” One of the Muffis says as he starts squeezing by. “What’s a soap opera? I haven’t heard that term.”

“Slang term for a drama that uses a bunch of distinct storylines all over, mostly about relationships. Amnesia, sudden twins, and things like that are all over. Echo’s Mementos sounds like a Soap Opera’s Soap Opera.” Harold notes. “Now if you’ll excuse me I need to commit fratricide.”

“And you’re claiming to NOT be a soap opera character?” Herbert eggs him on.

“Can we not have the pilot attacked while flying inside or above the lava trenches? Please? I can’t fly and if we fall I’m in a lot of trouble.” The Agela says in a deadpan tone.

“He’s just playing.” Winifred notes.

“And how do you know?” The Agela presses.

“I’ve spent some time with him and his family… danger is more a quirk of circumstance to him so they stay playful even in absurd situations.”

“Oh you’re getting into this man’s family? Lucky girl!” The until now silent Carib congratulates her. “How far have you gotten? Has there been anything more than a few chaste kisses and the initial interviews or is it all but official?”

“Hey watch it small one, those antlers swing around.” The Agela protests as The Carib moves around.

“This is getting ridiculous. How much longer until we can crack a window or something?” One of the Gohbs asks.

“Hang on, nearly there. A minute tops. This isn’t the fastest shuttle on the market and if we drop the heat shields too soon then the controls will get cooked. To say nothing about you girls.”

“Yeah, a Gohb Flambe sounds bad.”

“Flambe? Mitti, I’ve seen what you eat. Not to mention we’re in a potential oven. You’re close to a Gohb Souffle.” One of the Kohbs taunts her.

“You take that back Atara!”

“Do I need to separate you two?” Harold asks.

•×•×•Scene Change•×•×• (Blazing Iron)•×•×•

“You’re being unfair.” Monee states as he pulls out a small flask.

“I’m being a lot of things.” He says flicking his eyes and his eyes alone to what he’s seeing, but he’s too damn tall, she misses it and she’s looking at him. He takes a swig from his flask and then throws it hard. It detonates in midair as it intercepts the plasma bolt. “MOVE!”

His massive hand encircles her arm entirely and he throws her behind cover while dashing the opposite direction. There’s a momentary pause in the firing as if the shooter couldn’t decide who to go for before a shot comes for him. He ducks it and skids behind cover. A followup shot takes the corner of the building he’s …

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