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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/thrownaway20512 on 2023-09-01 14:26:49.

Link to the original post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1644og0/aita\_because\_i\_told\_my\_fianc%C3%A9\_that\_her/

Hi all,

I took your feedback in, understood that my phrasing was largely misguided, and stood my ground more firmly against my fiancée’s accusations while maintaining empathy to the best of my ability.

I want to clarify that my previous post wasn’t meant to judge others’ journey, and I don’t criticize anyone based on their academic success. It was specific to the situation presented, and my phrasing was evidently poorly chosen. My mistakenly more abruptly phrased point was that she could’ve made it in college, but didn’t wish to, and while that’s okay and completely up to her, she shouldn’t blame others for how her career has advanced.

I finally contacted my fiancée and asked her to meet me so we could talk. Apparently, both her parents and her sister took my side on the matter (important for later). She had fled her parents’ house and was living with a friend. I told her I love her and explained how I didn’t mean to imply that she squandered her potential irreversibly and told her that I believe we can fix things if we work together. I apologized for my ill-tasted comment, and I repeatedly told her that my point was never to demean or disdain her, and that I do not consider her to be below me. I tried to explain that none of us obstructed her journey to success, and that we do not bare accountability for her academic path, but we are all here to support her. I encouraged her to try whatever she thinks is best right now, and promised that I’d support her, emotionally and financially, so she can make any dream of hers happen and we can finally move on.

I expected to meet in the middle ground, acknowledge our respective mistakes and work together to grow our relationship. But, I was met with silence at first, a chuckle, and then she told me that I patronize her for offering to cover her bills, followed by her explaining that my support is a way to make myself feel better about my accomplishments, as if, and I quote, “I can’t make it on my f*ing own”. She concluded that I was trying to manipulate the situation by acting like the good guy, and that in reality her current situation (professional and with her parents) is my doing.

Now, some commenters from the previous post mentioned the above narrative, so I was very conflicted on how to answer the above in a non-condescending way and wanted to respect her feelings. The best thing I could think of was recommending couple’s therapy, as per your recommendation, which she declined saying that throwing more money away won’t make up for the emotional neglect. I couldn’t answer here, mainly because I was on the verge of crying. After a few minutes of silence, I suggested ending the relationship and she instantly agreed.

Thank you all for your comments, they certainly added to me seeing things more spherically, and made me a better person than before.