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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-06-28 04:02:01+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/mariachimariachi
AITA for keep sharing my language and culture with my stepson despite his moms objections?
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & OOP’s own page
BoRU 1 Posted by u/KittenDealinMama
Original Post Apr 21, 2021
I have been with my (32F) husband (39) for about 7 years. He has a son from a former relationship (9) and we didn’t even know he even existed until about 5 years ago when his Ex (40) contacted him demanding child support. She admits the only reason she even let him know about the kid was because she found out we were engaged and she wanted to rain on his parade. After a lot of back and forward and legal shenanigangs we got sorta 50/50 (first was therapy, visitation, etc but we are now at 50/50)
Anyway, I come from Latin America and my stepson is really fascinated by many of the cultural things and the language. He has met my parents on their last visit, and he is really a lovely, bright and curious kid. He started catching up with some of the words and now we speak Spanish on a daily basis when he is with us. His mom didn’t have an issue until he started to ask if he can come to my country next time we visit, we told him we gotta discuss it amongst the adults but he is very interested. We got no issue, my family has said that he is more than welcome (I come from blended fam) and we would of course cover all the costs. She really dislikes the idea, but not because of the travel or anything else but because she believes we (I) are using money to turn him against her. There are many issues between them already because he thinks she is a liar for not telling him about his dad and yeah, its hard sometimes. But we talk a lot (s.son and I) about having blending families and understanding parents.
Anyway, she told me I had to stop encouraging/sharing the language and the culture in my house when he is with us and speak the homecountry language or English. I said no. I have been very passive through the whole thing, since the beginning, but I am exhausted of her demands. I understand she is his mom but I see no harm on the kid speaking Spanish like a native plus the other 2 he does and I see no issue with him travelling abroad and having more cultural connections, hell, I even offered to pay for her to come along with her husband.
She says I am a very big snobbish asshole and she is gonna see how to keep the kid away from me (not possible), her husband says I should be more understanding and not step on her toes when the kid already is not her biggest fan, my husband says he just wants the best for the kid and sees no wrong with him learning and travelling. I would like an outside impartial perspective about it.
VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE
Update 1 July 10, 2021 (3 months later)
I want to thank all the nice messages, the mean messages, and the realistic messages!!
Anyway… My stepson is now staying most of the time with us, we had no battle or issue it is just what we decided after a preoper heart to heart conversation between moms. When the time comes where there is a possibility to go to my country we will discuss it again but at the moment it is a yes. The heart to heart was a very emotional complex talk but I felt it had to happen, she is after all part of my life forever and I want her to know she is the mommy no matter what. I saw a completely different side of her and I know it is not a magic wand but I have noticed the changes.
I am pregnant, I know I should not say so so early(I was already when I made my first post but didn’t even know) but we are all so positive, and almost on the clear line… Even my S.son’s mom. Everybody has taken it as a celebration and the only time we had issue was when we talked bedrooms at our flat because my son thought he had to give his super nice one for my "true baby§ as he called it. But we assured him his bedroom is forever his unless we move.
My parents will be arriving in the next months and asked if they can bring extra gifts to my son so it is an easier transition and his mom said yes!! It seems somehow me having a baby has made her realized we are so linked or i dunno, maybe it was my husband saying he would not allow more disrespect lol… My parents also asked if it was ok to bring gifts for her kid and she said yes as well, my Mom is the happiest person now because she is in full shopping mode lol
She has been very civil and even nice, and in response she has gained a better relationship with our son… I am convienced he is smart enough to orchastrate all of it (but I have mommy/baby brain)
We have agreed to raise them all as together as possible, her kids, our kids, our kid…I said I can contribute to the education fund for all kids if she allows me… she said yes on the condition they all go to the same school ____ I want my kids in Spanish Kita, she wants hers in normal Kita____ I thought we would have WW2 again but her husband told her my kids will speak Spanish no matter what she wants and it is a useful language so ALL kids in our “tribe” should speak Spanish
AND SHE AGREED; I almost fainted! Now we decided to divide care after daycare and Kitas(prekindergarten/kindergarten) and I will speak to the kids in Spanish so they are naturals. My son is the happiest because now he feels all his families are in sync and he can just chill and it makes me extremely happy.
In addition, she said my son can come with us if he wants but we need to let her know at least a year in advance and she is doing the same with us which I find reasonable.
Update 2 Aug 5, 2021 (1 month after 1st update)
I know noone might see this but I got a couple of messages people found it heartwarming (some not exactly) so, we have little announcements and clarifications!!
She (son’s mom) has always been in therapy. It was determined when this all started back in the day. She was never outright cruel or super mean… it was just that she was not nice to me or my relationship until now that she tries.
She gets a say as much as I get a say in education, I know is weird but I was raised in some sort of communal weird experience and we all excell in our areas. I would never do anything to put distance between my son and his siblings.
I am trying to instate that they are his siblings and for the one he already has it’s the way. If he doesn’t like it I will drop it but he seems very receptive to the mix family.
She has issues that have come from other places --childhood, family, so on–and she is truly trying to be better and not be the person that did things to just ruin an engagement.
My son stays mainly with us lately because he wants and that has made his relationship with his mother better.
My son is even written in my parents’ will, that is how much I love him so yes!! he is my son too.
My parents are here and will be staying for a while, my inlaws are very careful on their excitement and my parents (with permission) got my son on a little adventure and assured him they love him very very much and their love is infinite… He feels better now because he said he felt maybe they won’t love him anymore because of my real baby.
He is in therapy (always has) but now we have addressed it… He made it clear he wants me to still love him like I do and I have assured him I will, I do, I always will.
He is going to a solo trip with his Dad and another solo trip with both Dads. My husband and her husband have always got a good relationship and I think it never got better cause of the stuff.
My son is involved in the naming of the baby, it is between us 3 only.
THE DRAMA PORTION
My husband wants us to move so we have bigger bedrooms for everybody but I don’t feel like it because you know, pregnancy and adaptation… I want my son to be able to adapt before we start moving!! My husband believes I am just cuddling him way too much but I eyplained my perspective being from a blended fam as a kid and he backed off. When we look for a place we will be looking for one that we all like.
END OF DRAMA PORTION
I am an insomiac and has not changed at all… so here we are hihih, only I drink no more wine anymore lol. My son’s mom is actually giving me really good tips.We are working in our own wills and so on, because I am developing a fear about the children’s future yay?
And lastly, my husband is the most patient, caring, loving, goofy man. I know I got little critics saying he should have put it off when the bad stuff happened but he is very neutral and asked me all the time if I was OK, he always said if I said no he would have changed his tune.
We are so so far from perfect still, we just had a discussion about the type of school my son should go next (a thing in the country) but I am glad it is now a discussion and not an argument. Also, baby is doing amazing.
ps… I LOVE bullet points
NEW UPDATE
*
Update (3) to my wholesome weird family. **Oct 1, 2021 (2 months …
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lmdl3d/aita_for_keep_sharing_my_language_and_culture/
NEW UPDATE *
Update (3) to my wholesome weird family. Oct 1, 2021 (2 months after 2nd update)
Hey guys,
I like that I can express myself freely here. I know some think our story is weird, others wholesome, others the best… But for us is a sort of dream at the moment.
We got a new house! It was picked by the 3 of us (hb, son, me) and it is lovely and beuatiful and all we want for our kids. I always said I wanted to have just 2 kids so after this one is born we will be closed for busineß. My husband will get a vasectomy so I don’t need to deal with hormones or birth control. I would also like to comment the new house is huge and it has a guest room so my son’s brother can stay whenever he wants (they have done so before).
Also, my kid turned 10! We are at a weird time but we did a little family gathering with all 6 his grandparents and all 4 his parents. He was very happy and enjoyed it with the friends he invited to it. We all coordinated presents so we didn’t “outstage” each other or gave him repeated gifts. I was so happy we could finally do something like this.
As per my baby, she is a girl! I told my son and thought it might create issues but he is so excited about it. We have been having family therapy too just in case but the therapist says the kid is doing amazing and to please don’t overthink things. We had a gender reveal party, which I find kinda silly but my son wanted to cause they are very internet famous. It was just family and a couple of friends, when they realized it was a girl they all paused for a second and my son was so excited then they got all excited. I am very very very happy with my family.
His trips with his Dad and Dads went great so we took him on a “Mommys” trip. We took a lot of precautions of course but we had a blast (as much of a blast as you can have witrh a pregnant woman in Europe, if you know you know). he deserves it because he is the best kid ever.
As for my parents, they are really happy to do things for the kid and love being around him. He or anybody other than me, don’t know about the will or anything, he just loves them because he is nice. My parents are considering staying permanentely because they want to be close so it might be another thing coming. My in laws are helping them find a permanent rental or so and we are just all so excited.
As per Mom, she has been more understanding and nice. I understand she was bitter but she truly wants the best for our son and that is our biggest common ground.And yes, she has taken up Spanish via an app, she said she wanted the kids to see us equally. Which I’ve always found ridiculous since she is a nurse and clearly very qualified. We have had many convos about my parents involvement but she is more willing to give space lately. She and her family (which have always been deligthful) are now all learning the language as a way to keep it all connected.
We have movie night at least twice a week, sometimes is more people than other times. I just want to let people know that it can be better and people are complicated and people can love unconditional.
I apologize for my tipping skills, try do so in a desk with a belly the size of a watermelon.
OHH and PS I don’t reply to weird messages
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