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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-01 04:02:07+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Public_Control3563

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I’ll break up with him if he doesn’t start wiping his butt?

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: Homophobia and disgusting personal hygiene, fecal matter

MOOD SPOILER: >! disgust. All of the jibblies. What a terrible day to have eyes!<

Original Post June 13, 2025

I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for almost a year. We moved in together three months ago, and for the most part, things have been fine, he’s funny, smart, we have good chemistry, and we share similar goals for the future.

That said, there’s been a problem. A really gross, ridiculous problem.

When we first moved in, I noticed that he never had toilet paper rolls in “his” bathroom (we have a two-bathroom setup and tend to use separate ones most of the time). I figured maybe he used wipes or something else. But then I started noticing smells. Like, awful smells. Sometimes his laundry would stink in a very specific way. I thought maybe it was just bad hygiene in general, so I brought it up.

He got really defensive and basically told me to “drop it.”

Eventually, after too many suspiciously stained boxers and just a level of funk no grown man should be walking around with, I asked him point blank: “Do you wipe after you poop?”

He shrugged and said, “Nah, wiping is kinda gay. Why would I touch my own ass?”

I thought he was joking. I laughed. He didn’t.

Turns out, he legitimately believes that wiping “makes you gay” and that “real men just let it fall out and go about their day.” I told him that’s not only stupid but also incredibly unhygienic and honestly, it’s making me feel physically sick to be near him sometimes.

He said I was being judgmental and that I should “accept him for who he is.” I told him I draw the line at poop. I said if he didn’t start wiping and taking basic hygiene seriously, I’d have to reconsider the relationship.

He’s now sulking and accusing me of being shallow, saying I’m “prioritizing societal expectations over true love.” He even texted me a link to a “men’s rights” subreddit post about “how wiping is emasculating.”

Now I’m wondering, AITA for threatening to break up with my boyfriend over something as “small” as wiping?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Odd_Obligation4747

NTA you should absolutely break up with him. Not only does he sounds homophobic and like those “macho” man but he’s a grown ass man with no hygiene and no proper excuse (like mental health) for it. Think about what would happen if you two were to have kids or something. You’d have a whole family not wiping their asses it’s disgusting

OOP

Exactly! That’s what really hit me, like, if this is how he is now, what happens down the line? I’m not trying to raise kids in a house where basic hygiene is optional because “it’s not manly.” It’s not just gross, it’s irresponsible. And yeah, the homophobia baked into it is a huge red flag too. I can’t build a future with someone who equates cleanliness with weakness.

~

Unlucky_Pass_5819

WTF that’s gross as fuck… Dump his ass girl!

OOP

Right?! I’ve been trying to wrap my head around how this is even real life. Like how are you almost 30 and still walking around with a dirty butt on purpose?? I’m definitely leaning toward dumping him, there’s no way I can keep pretending this is normal.

Update June 24, 2025

Hey again. I wanted to give an update because, well, it happened. I broke up with him. And it was somehow even messier than I expected, no pun intended.

I sat him down and told him I couldn’t do this anymore. I explained everything calmly: that it wasn’t just about wiping, but about respect, for me, for himself, and for any space we shared. That I was exhausted from living in constant secondhand filth. That I genuinely couldn’t picture a future with someone who refused to do the most basic thing to stay clean.

He stared at me in silence for a few seconds, then laughed. Like, this weird fake laugh. Then he got super defensive and said, “Wow, so I guess you never actually cared about me. This is what ends us? Over wiping?”

I told him it wasn’t just that, it was the fact that I asked him, repeatedly, to do something extremely reasonable, and he chose not to. Over and over. He folded his arms and said, “I’m not changing who I am just to make you comfortable.”

I said, “I’m not asking you to change your personality. I’m asking you to not smell like shit.”

That’s when it got dramatic.

He stood up, threw his keys on the couch, and said, “You’re just like everyone else. Judgmental and shallow.” Then he packed a duffel bag like he was storming out of a movie, grabbing random stuff like a pair of mismatched socks, two deodorants (the irony), and a frozen burrito from the freezer.

Before he left, he looked at me and said, “You’ll regret this. You’ll never find another guy like me.”

And I just said, “That’s kind of the point.”

He slammed the door so hard a picture fell off the wall. He’s texted me a few times since, mostly passive-aggressive stuff like “Hope your next guy wipes and lies to you about it” and “Real men don’t fold for toilet paper.” I haven’t responded.

Since he left, I’ve deep cleaned the apartment, burned a candle, and done five loads of laundry. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to sit on a couch and not wonder if it’s been in contact with poop.

Anyway. Thank you all for the push I needed. You were right. I don’t need to fix someone who thinks basic hygiene is optional. I need someone who’s already a damn adult.

FINAL COMMENTS

Cute_Green2023

Girl, you dodged a bullet, not gonna lie. Nothing says “I love you” like basic hygiene. If he thinks finding a clean partner is impossible, he should probably check his own reflection first. Enjoy your sanitized couch!

OOP

Omg yes, thank you!! That part about the reflection? DEAD ON. He kept acting like I was the problem for not accepting him “as he is,” but like “as he is” smells like a locker room floor. I’m genuinely so happy to sit on my couch without wondering if there’s a ghost of poop past haunting the cushions. Sanitized and single has never felt so good!

cicada_noises

Why is he insisting “being a man covered in poop” is considered a personality trait that people need to accept? “I have poo on myself on purpose and it’s unfair people don’t accept me as I am!”

OP why did you date him? He must have reeked from the beginning?

OOP

Lmao right?! At some point he really started acting like wiping was a core identity issue, like I was asking him to change something deep and sacred about himself. No dude, you’re not oppressed, you’re just dirty.

And yeah, I honestly don’t know what I was thinking in the beginning. I guess the smell was kinda masked by cologne and short visits, and I wasn’t paying close enough attention. Once we moved in together, though? Ohhh it hit me like a truck full of spoiled meat. I just didn’t expect the problem to be this.

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