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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WeddingShawl on 2023-09-01 20:32:23.

My wife, Lena, crochets a lot and often gifts it to friends and family. When her 2nd oldest brother got married, she made the bride a shawl to wear over her dress in the evening. The bride loved it and ever since Lena has made shawls for everyone in her family getting married.

Now Lena’s oldest brother, George, is getting married again. Lena doesn’t have a relationship with George as he was abusive to her as a child, but if she has to see him then she is polite but distant with him. She doesn’t want to cut off the rest of her family because of George. I work with George and while we aren’t friends, we are friendly at work – Lena encouraged this, when George got moved to my team I was going to request a transfer not wanting to expose Lena to George as my team do a lot of get togethers with our significant others. As it is a family wedding, Lena’s mom asked her if she could crochet a shawl for George’s fiancee and Lena agreed. It was arranged that once it was finished I would take it to work to give to George so that Lena didn’t have to see him.

Earlier this week, the shawl was completed and I emailed George at work to let him know that I would bring it in today as the wedding is tomorrow. When I got into work this morning, I gave George the shawl and let him know that Lena and I were looking forward to the wedding. Come lunch time, Lena called me to let me know that George’s fiancee had called her and told her that she was no longer invited to the wedding citing the place they are having the wedding and the reception at is too small for the number they have coming so are having to make cut backs. However I was still invited to the wedding. I was mad at this because they clearly only invited Lena to get a shawl, which to me is just rude. If they had asked Lena outright to make one, she probably would have done because she loves to crochet.

On my way out of work, I noticed George wasn’t at his desk but the shawl was. I was still mad that they had used Lena to get a shawl and I just shoved it in my work bag. I left a note on his desk telling George since Lena was no longer invited, the shawl and I would no longer be attending either. On my way home, I told Lena what I had done and asked her if she wanted to go out instead, so not to waste having a sitter. Lena was upset that I had taken the shawl as it was causing an uproar in her family group chat where people were calling her petty because I took it back.

Lena wants me to give it back. I don’t think I should, they don’t deserve Lena’s kindness. However, at the same time, I don’t want Lena to be upset with me over George and a shawl.

Am I the asshole for taking back the shawl?

Edit: I have messaged the group chat, letting them know that I took it and if they should be pissed at anyone then it should be me but I would also do it again because no one gets to be a dick to Lena.