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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-02 04:02:01+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwaway2329842
AITA for being concerned about the damage my son did to my car?
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole
Thanks to u/advocatesparten u/aaronupright & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: Car accident
Original Post June 20, 2025
I am a mother of two; Vanessa (25) and Brandon (22). I am not married to their father, but they both have a relationship with him. They went to visit him this past weekend for Father’s day and were set to get to my house on Monday.
Brandon drove the two of them there and was supposed to drive back. The car he drives was mine originally. I paid it off and did not ask him to buy it from me on the condition that he is responsible with it; he was only paying for gas and maintenance. This was the first car I have ever been able to pay for upfront without taking out a loan, which carries sentimental value, so it is my car as far as I’m concerned.
A few minutes after they left their dad’s, I got a call from Vanessa saying that they had gotten into an accident. I asked if the car was damaged, and she told me it was totaled. I was immediately furious because Brandon knew how hard I worked for that car and I was very clear that I expected him to care for it. I asked Vanessa to please put her brother on the phone. Instead, their father came on and explained that they were in the emergency room and that our son was receiving treatment.
My ex then started to berate me for being more concerned about the property than about the kids and for getting angry at our son without knowing the situation, but in my defense, I hadn’t realized that he was injured. To be clear, Brandon will be fine and the other driver was completely unharmed, but they are all still furious with me. I had assumed that if his injuries were serious that it would have been the first thing they told me, but that isn’t a good enough explanation for them. Its been a few days now and both kids are still with their father and won’t come stay with me. AITA?
VERDICT: ASSHOLE
RELEVANT COMMENTS
KatzAKat
YTA. One can be as careful as possible and still be in an accident. You just assumed it was Brandon’s fault.
Why was the younger sibling to drive, or even have the car period, as I would presume that the older one would be more responsible and diligent?
If you want something important to you to remain as is, keep it as others won’t share your sentimentality.
OOP
Vanessa does not have a car; she is 25 and fully employed and can buy one herself. I bought her one at 16 and sold it when she graduated. Brandon has one more year left in school and the plan was to do the same for him, but if he wants a car now he can work and buy one himself.
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Decent_Front4647
Who was responsible for the accident? You don’t even say.
OOP
It appears the other driver was at fault, but I did not know that at the time.
imamage_fightme
You knew that when making this post though and it still comes across so angry at your son about your car! You’re still blaming him in this post, about how he was meant to be responsible blah blah blah, and he didn’t even cause this accident!!! Literally every time a person gets behind the wheel, there is always a chance someone else will hit us - that is the risk we all take. The only way to 100% guarantee that your car was going to be safe is to keep it in the garage - maybe do that next time since it means so much to you. YTA.
OOP
Of course I’m not angry at my son now, that was just meant to explain why I was at the time. It was a stressful situation all around and I got caught up in the heat of the moment.
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FormalType5124
INFO: Why was your first instinct to “We were in an accident?” was to assume that it was Brandon’s fault?
If a family member or friend would’ve called me and told me that they were in a accident, my first questions would’ve been “Is everyone okay?” and “What happened?”
OOP
Well, he’s 22 and has been driving for less than a decade. Younger drivers are prone to accidents. Regardless, yes, “are you ok” should have been my first question. I believed that since his sister was well enough to call me that she was fine (and there wasn’t a scratch on her, in case anyone was wondering) and in the panic of the moment it slipped my mind to ask about him. That was my fault.
OOP Updated the post the Next Day June 21, 2025
UPDATE: First of all, to be very clear, I do not care about the car more than I care about my children. It was a moment of heightened emotion and I spoke before thinking. I can concede that it was insensitive. To be clear again, my son has a concussion and a few broken ribs but will be fine. The car is unsalvageable, and yes, it is insured, but that will not replace the sentimental value, but it’s fine. Now, I called my children to apologize and explain that I would not have asked about the car first had I known that they were in an ER. Vanessa admitted that she should have told me that first but that she was very stressed at the time. I was not able to get far into the conversation when their father came in with some choice words for me, and the call ended shortly after. I believe he may be manipulating the kids into not wanting to talk to me or come over, but they are adults and that is their prerogative. My plan is to let it play out.
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