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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Intelligent-Try-8112 on 2023-09-01 20:39:13.

I (F30) have been married to my husband, Dave (M35) for 2 years, been together for 5. He has a daughter from past relationship, Eve (F7).

I have always been decidedly Childfree. I don’t like or want to be around children. When I met Dave I didn’t know he had a child. We had been dating for 4 months before I realised it. To people who asked why I didn’t think to ask, we met at his house, at a party he hosted. There was no picture or anything indicating there were kids around. Infact, his entire house screamed bachelor. While sofa, white bedding, extra clean, infinity pool.

I realised he had a kid only when her mom dropped her off without notice at his house when I was there. It was a shock. I told him I am childfree and need to end the relationship. But he begged me to stay.

I told him in no uncertain terms I dont want to be around or raise a child. He agreed. He even got a vasectomy to prove to me he is serious.

Eve lived with her mom most of the time and visited every other weekend. I took off these weekends. Basically, I still led a Childfree life.

All that changed two months ago when Eve’s mom remarried. Her husband didn’t want any kids previous to their marriage around. Eve’s mom decided since she took care of Eve for 7 years, it was now Dave’s turn to. She told him that as she gave the kid to him. Their custody agreement flipped, basically.

Dave do love his kid. And doesn’t want her to suffer. He tried getting his mom to look after her, but his mom having just retired, refuses to work anymore. Dave was forced into keeping Eve fulltime.

This meant major adjustment to me as well. I had to learn to live with a kid in the house. I just avoided her at all costs. Even though it was affecting my relationship with Dave, as in we didn’t get enough time together.

Last week though, Dave fell sick. He needed me to take care of Eve. I tried the first day, but it was weird, awkward and exhausting. Second day onwards I just got a babysitter, on my dime.

When Dave recovered enough yesterday he was furious at me for putting his child with a baby sitter and refusing to take care of her. I reminded him what our agreement was. He said it didn’t matter. That I should have taken care of his kid. That he needed me to step up. He said this was just selfish of me and that I am an AH for doing this.

AITA?

A lot of the comments are bashing me for having married a man with a child. I admit. I was being naive. All I can say is in the 5 years we were together, only time I saw the child before her mom’s wedding was when she was dropped off. Dave kept the lives so easily separate it was easy to forget he had a child.

Dave is not just a father. I loved him, married him and stayed with him cause he is an amazing partner for me. We share a lot of the same interests and life with him was heaven.

It only got bad once Eve moved in.