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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-04 04:00:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwRAkindafreaked

I (24f) think my neighbor (28m) might be stalking me? I’m not sure and I want to ask here before I tell my husband (32M) because I’m afraid he might react strongly

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Editors Note: the original BoRU was deleted, so reposting to bring back to the sub

BoRU 1 Sept 25, 2021

TRIGGER WARNING: Domestic abuse, physical abuse, fears of stalking

MOOD SPOILER: horrific

Original Post

I (24F) live in a pretty close knit neighborhood. I’m a stay at home mom to a toddler girl and a boy who’s in first grade.

My husband (32M) works away from home and he’s gone most of the day, sometimes overnight. I’ve begun noticing that the neighbor who lives on our left who is 28M around a lot more. I know he works from home. But I feel like I see him whenever I’m outside with my kids. When I go to the grocery store I notice him leaving as well and then he pulls back in at the same time as me.

Whenever I come back from picking my son up from school he’s outside. I have a ring doorbell and have noticed when I go right from the school to my house (~20 minutes) he’s only out for 20 minutes, he’ll go right in after I go in. But if I go somewhere else, or take longer, he’ll be out there until I come home, and then he’ll go back in.

I feel kind of freaked out. I have always had fine interactions with him, he always waves and everything. He works as a programmer from home and he’s never done anything bad it’s just how often I see him.

I don’t want to mention anything to my husband because he has a pretty short fuse and I’m scared he’ll flip out and go and confront him or think I’m having an affair something crazy like that.

Am I just being paranoid or does this seem like something I should mention?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

vortexIV

If you are scared that by mentioning to your husband about a stalking neighbour would result in him going off on one and accusing you of an affair then your marriage doesn’t sound good at all.

You shouldn’t be afraid of your husband.

Though it sounds like it’s another classic case of older guy in his 20s going after a teenage girl and marrying and having kids with her and she’s afraid of him

OOP

I’m no afraid of him lol but I am afraid of him flying off the handle if I’m just being paranoid

~

ezagreb

This is really not a lot to go on. Perhaps you should spend a week or two changing up your pattern and doing your best to avoid/ignore this guy. See if any more patterns become apparent.

OOP

I have that’s what I’m saying. I switched times, how long I’m out, etc. he’s still only out when I’m out

ezagreb

Does he try to talk to you ? Have you ever seen him out at the grocery or cleaners/restaurants. If you feel up to it you might comment to him that it’s weird that you see him regularly. Understand that nothing could be done about this short of a restraining order so it’s best to try to discourage him yourself. Do a couple of other things - Keep a logbook of when and where you see him. Tell a friend and family member what you are doing and why.

OOP

We’ve talked in a friendly manner before…yes I’ve seen him at the store

Update - rareddit Nov 1, 2021 (36 days later)

Hello. I’m posting an update on something I posted a little over a month ago. I was concerned that my (24f) neighbor (28m) was stalking me. I was debating whether or not to tell my husband (32m) for fear of him overreacting.

I decided to tell my husband about it. I just said “hey, have you noticed Trevor outside a lot?” And he said no and asked me why and I said oh no reason I’ve just noticed him outside whenever I’m out there. And I wish I hadn’t said anything. My husband immediately was like what do you mean noticing him? Why are you noticing him? And I tried to drop it but he kept pushing. So I eventually just told him basically what I wrote in my post and he exploded. And immediately went next door even though I begged him not to. And he went to our neighbors door and started pounding on it. And yelling. Our neighbor came to the door and knew my husband was looking for a fight because he was immediately like you need to leave now. Obviously my husband didn’t leave and it began a pretty serious verbal altercation, and eventually physical. The police came and broke it up, telling my husband to go back home and stay away from the neighbor. As you can imagine the entire thing was horrible. All of the neighbors were outside (we live in a pretty affluent, quiet neighborhood so the police don’t usually get called).

When we got back into the house my husband began yelling at me. He asked me if I was sleeping with the neighbor, why I had been asking about him, why the neighbor got so defensive, etc. He was so angry I didn’t recognize him. He began hitting the walls and throwing things. When I tried to reason with him and tell him the situation he began to get physical with me as well. After a while I was able to call the police. They arrested him and I had to stay at the hospital for a bit. Right now my kids and I have a order of protection against my husband. I have not seen or talked to him since this happened.

After I came home I went over to my neighbors house to apologize for what happened. He told me that he had known my husband was abusive, and he could hear him yelling at me and the kids. He said that the reason he was often outside when the kids and I were is because he said he felt unsure about if he was abusive or not and wasn’t sure if he should say something. He said that he used the times to say hi to us to see if there were any bruises or signs of physical injury, and to see if the kids seemed alright.

I don’t want to reconcile with my husband. My oldest son (6) keeps asking me why his father used his hands instead of his words. My 2 year old keeps playing with her dolls and saying “daddy, don’t hit! Don’t hit!” It makes me want to cry. They’re seeing therapists to help process all of this.

FINAL COMMENTS

Spaceship828

Divorce him before it gets worse

OOP

Like I said in the post. I don’t have any plans on reconciling with him. Divorce is very expensive so I’m not sure when I will officially begin the process-there are a lot of things I need to get in order first-but I have no intention of not divorcing him.

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