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The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/kayenano on 2025-07-04 22:47:55+00:00.

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Synopsis:

Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she’s left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette’s swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.

Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom’s finances.

Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.

Chapter 405: Summer Leaves

I blinked.

And that was that.

There was no crackling snap as reality came undone. No prodding by my loyal handmaiden to ensure my face didn’t grace a puddle of mud. It was as gentle as my eyes opening to the swaying branches of my apple trees after a brief 9 hour nap.

Except this wasn’t my orchard I saw before me.

It was a window.

And all beyond it was a town in motion.

Lavishly ornate homes snaked around a glass road, the domed rooftops of orange jade brightly illuminated beneath an ever twilight sky. Hues of midnight, dusk and dawn twirled like a palette assailed by a child’s first touch. And although there was no sunlight, neither was there darkness.

There was only joy.

The joy of song.

The joy of dance.

The joy of colours.

The fae danced beyond the window, their wings glimmering as much as their smiles.

Ribbons of pure magic floated around them like bubbles beneath the sea. And all around them was music. Songs which bore no names were played by instruments untouched by hands. The very air was alight with notes which struck as cleanly as the tap of a fork against a glass.

A celebration was in progress.

As was appropriate.

After all–

I’d been kidnapped.

To the Fae Realm.

Again.

The stars returning over my kingdom were no more. As was my kingdom itself. Yet that didn’t mean it was the abyss of an empty bedroom or a small playground meadow which was there to welcome me.

No … this time, it was tables and chairs.

I slowly turned my gaze.

Unlike what the fae architecture would suggest, my surroundings were distinctly quainter.

Mahogany made up the furniture of a large room, as well as much of the walls.

The darkened wood was brightened by the flowery vines which hung from them. The tables were adorned with shining cutlery, glassware and potted azaleas–of which the largest sat upon a shining counter neatly filled with individual bricks carved in the shape of cake slices.

A small sign was proudly displayed overhead.

The Midsummer Café.

All our bricks are made with locally sourced clay!

A café.

One not far different from those overlooking the promenade of my royal capital … including the dubious edibility of the food served.

That likely explained why there was only a single customer.

And it wasn’t me.

“Welcome, Your Highness. Please sit and peruse the menu. I recommend everything.”

At last, I turned my attention to my smiling assailant sitting at the table beside me.

A beautiful maiden with golden eyes and a wavy ponytail as red as any of the potted flowers.

She was no lady laying waste to decorum by hurling her fists at a pillow. Nor was she a young girl navigating the realm of dreams while playing upon a swing.

Instead, she bore the appearance of an elven townsgirl no older than myself.

There was no fine gown of rubies and crystallised sweat from the seamstresses adorning her. It was a linen dress with a roughly stitched bodice, lacking any trailing carpet necessary to trip up the suitors doubtless after her wealth.

It was modest and practical.

Words that were anathema to describe anything worn by royalty.

Yet here was the Summer Queen herself, dressed as plainly as any commoner likely to accidentally walk into this establishment–just before walking out again.

After all, no matter how she arrayed herself, she couldn’t dispel her regal presence.

Nor, indeed, the crystalline wings reflecting the image of a shimmering dawn.

I offered a pleasant smile.

“Salutations. Would you be the Summer Queen?”

“I am, yes.”

“I see … and this would be the Summer Court, yes?”

“That’s correct.”

I nodded.

Then … I picked up a knife from the table.

The Summer Queen immediately raised an eyebrow.

I saw it from the polished reflection as I leaned in to study the utensil. I was mildly impressed. Pure silver. No dilution. Enough to ward away the undead just by waving it.

I slipped it into my bottomless pouch.

A moment later, I did the same with a fork. And then a spoon. And also a cup. Plus a few napkins.

And then I did it again … and again.

One by one, I went to each table, adding to the song of summer in the backdrop with my own melodic humming as I burgled the Fae Realm.

“… Your Highness, may I ask what you’re doing?”

“Hm?” I glanced towards the Summer Queen, smiling innocently as I started pulling out drawers from behind the counter. “Oh, please don’t mind me. I promised that the next time I was abducted against my will, I would acquire souvenirs for my loyal handmaiden. Do you have a palace nearby?”

“… You wish to visit my palace?”

“Yes, I wish to visit the bathroom. To see what toiletries are available. Would you have any?”

The Summer Queen blinked at me.

For a long moment, she made no reply.

And then–

“Pffft.”

She burst into laughter.

Leaning back in her chair, she raised her head and offered her mirth towards the ceiling, her golden eyes wincing as her hands quickly went to her tummy.

It was only after allowing me enough time to plunder the cabinet drawers did she lean forwards, elbow resting against the table and her cheek nestled within her palm.

“I’ve no toiletries available,” she lied. “However, if it’s souvenirs you desire, I’m quite happy to offer you much better than spoons and napkins.”

I clapped my hands in delight.

That meant she didn’t notice me taking the teacups.

“My, how wonderful! Just the words I wanted to hear! And if it stops with those, then all is well!”

“I–”

“No no no, that is enough! Merely point the right direction and my bottomless pouch will do the rest.”

I waited for the Summer Queen to direct me to her vault.

She didn’t.

“I’m afraid that’s quite impractical,” she said with a look of bemusement. “Summer is the season of abundance. Of wealth and prosperity. I have more treasures than all my sisters combined. There’s more to offer you than there is pollen for the honey bees. And that means I’d need to point in every direction.”

“Truly? … Then I suppose you can begin gathering select treasures into a single pile. They will serve as compensation for this latest act of egregiousness which violates the laws neither of us follow.”

“I suppose that’s doable. Which treasures would you like?”

“Everything.”

“… Everything?”

“There’s a reason my tax inspectors are most active in summer. It’s because no snowballs are there to attack them. But also because summer is the season of generosity. If my peasants can part with all they have, then so can the monarch of summer. Or could it be that you only have more treasures than your sisters because you hoard your trinkets like a goblin preparing a bazaar?”

The Summer Queen tilted her head slightly.

Even so, her smile remained unabated.

“… How very curious. My memories stretch further than the first wave upon your shores. But I believe this is the first time I’ve ever been likened to a goblin.”

“Yes, well, it’s a rather unfair comparison. For goblins, that is. They may have busy hands, but none of them are used to kidnap princesses. They know as well as I do that stealing me away in the middle of the night is something reserved only for dragons.”

“Then I’d suggest that such worries are punted to the horizon. Whatever you’ve heard about the noble and ancient dragons, the truth is that you’re unlikely to be bundled away.”

I gasped.

“Excuse me? Are you suggesting dragon’s don’t kidnap princesses?”

“No, I’m suggesting dragons won’t kidnap you.”

“… Hm?”

“It’s more than the fae who have heard rumours about you. Especially since I’m cursed with very gossipy sisters and they’ve told just about everyone that you … well, it doesn’t matter.”

Poomph.

I slammed my palms down against the counter.

“W-What did they say?! What slander do they vomit?!”

“It’s not slander. Only the truth. And that’s enough to make it very likely that no dragon will kidnap you. Under any circumstances. In fact, most will simply fly away from you.”

I was aghast.

How … How dare they discourage dragons from kidnapping me!

“That is outrageous! To be flown through the sky while kicking and screaming is the sign of my birthright! … Where are the queens who have spread these libelous rumours?! I demand to see them at once!”

“That can be arranged,” said the Summer Queen, not looking the least bit fussed about betraying her own sisters. “But I’d need something in return.”

I instantly directed my fin…

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