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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TrifleIndependent268 on 2023-09-02 10:09:17.

I 22F am having a baby, the first grandchild of my family and want to have a baby shower, my boyfriend 30M, doesn’t want to have one as he sees it as a pointless event. He is a sociopath not sure if that matters for the whole story but I’ll put it in case it helps explain. My family is who is helping plan and finance the baby shower entirely since he doesn’t want to be a part of it or even show up to it. I suggested inviting anyone he’d like from his family to come join if they’d like as I want them to be included as well, although they do live close to 12 hours away so I know it would be a sacrifice on their part making the drive/trip. He did invite them and his mom and three of his siblings wanted to come especially since its the first girl grandchild for his side of the family.

Now the issue comes that for certain events in my family, usually ones where my parents and grandparents host it they don’t want drinking at the event as we’ve all had bad experiences with people getting out of hand with their drinking and ultimately either making the event tense because of their behavior or ruining it overall, so to avoid this they just don’t want drinking at events they host. For his family, they drink no matter what and just deal with the rowdy people as they get out of hand with their events regardless of if they know it’ll happen.

Since its my side of the family helping plan and finance the event since I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own at the moment they would prefer that there be no drinking, which I agreed with, its only a 4 hour event so I didn’t think it was a big deal. Although my boyfriend feels like we’re imposing an all or nothing mentality (my way or the highway) onto his family by not allowing them to drink at the event since that’s what they normally do at theirs. Not all my family events are alcohol free, just the ones my parents and grandparents host at their houses and since their the ones helping me I didn’t see an issue with it.

I know its a long trip for his family and I don’t want them to feel like we’re trying to control them or that they aren’t welcome since we don’t want alcohol at the event but that’s what my boyfriend says we’re doing. So am I the asshole for not wanting drinking at my baby shower?