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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-11 04:04:07+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/InevitableGain340
Originally posted to r/AITAH
Previous BoRUs: #1
[New Update]: AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, spouse and child neglect, alcoholism, emotional manipulation, mentions of depression, harassment, grooming, controlling behavior, birth control tampering, statutory rape
Mood Spoilers: appalling
RECAP
Original Post: April 23, 2025
I (32F) was married to Cam (34M) for 6 years and together for 16 years in total and we also share a daughter, Mia (4F).
A bit of background, I was a SAHM and he worked but I noticed he was coming home late. He started getting angry a lot, also always on his phone and to mention I had caught him looking at this girls instagram story before but I didn’t think anything of it. Shortly after that I found out he was cheating on me with Sky (now 19F) yeah barely legal. When I found out obviously I was hurt but I was also completely disgusted that he was cheating and willing to ruin our family for her.
I became a SAHM when my daughter was born and we made an agreement that he was in charge of our money and he would just give me his card to use when if I needed to buy anything. I wasn’t making any income except for the money I had before having our daughter which I kept in my bank account and I saved it for emergencies.
I felt stuck because I didn’t know what to do and for my daughter’s sake I didn’t end up leaving up. I had got suspicious and I went to look for the girl through his followings on Facebook and Instagram. I ended up finding the girl story he was looking up Instagram and I just made an assumption that it might’ve been her and I shot her a dm.
Long story short, she was rude as hell. She had zero remorse and kept on telling me to bother my husband who cheated instead of bothering her. She was aware he had a wife and family but didn’t care and even told me that he was paying her tuition. I ended up getting mad and telling her to stay away from my husband but she just told me she would keep going and it was just fun.
After that I guess she told my husband and I think he realized that I wasn’t leaving. He literally would leave his location on even when he went to her college campus which really pissed me off because I couldn’t see how he was really ruining all we had for some girl who isn’t even serious about him and also not even fucking legal to drink yet.
Our daughter, Mia, attends ballet and they had a performance. This is what really was my breaking point because our child should always come first. He was out all night long that Friday and on Saturday was the recital and obviously he needed to be there for Mia’s first recital. I gave him until 11pm then I finally called him and guess who picked up the phone? Sky. She told me that he was busy and then hung up and that was my breaking point. I quickly packed some of Mine and Mia’s stuff up and I woke her up so we could go to my mom’s house who didn’t live far. So we ended up crashing the night there as I didn’t want him to come back home to us nor did I want to see him when I woke up.
That was a year ago. Now, we’re divorced and I have full custody of Mia while he has visitation rights. I got a job, saved up, and now in an apartment and while it’s not the best, it’s good for me and Mia for the time being. Anyways, after the divorce they ended up getting together for a couple of months. While they were together he was visiting Mia but not as often, I’d say like twice a month.
To nobody’s surprise she ended up leaving him after a couple of months, but this is where I may be the asshole. Ever since they’ve broken up he’s been depressed. He drinks a lot, he doesn’t eat much, he’s always sulking on the couch and just not himself. He comes over more often to see Mia which is why I know this and I feel a way. He’s all depressed because she left but didn’t have this energy when we divorced after being together for 16 years?
When we divorced he didn’t seem to care at all, he was just nonchalant about it and kept messing around with Sky but now that this girl you were barely with left you, you’re depressed? I know he’s going through it but I can’t help but feel a certain way about this.
AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?
This was in my notes first as I was debating to post this here or not since my friend recommended it. It’s my first time ever posting or even on Reddit, I just needed somewhere to vent to and advice.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: YTA for staying with him as long as you did and letting him abuse both you and your child like that. You did the right thing by leaving but you should have never stayed after the first incident
OOP: Yeah I know, I look back and was disappointed in myself for even letting him do that to me and my baby. I’m also disappointed myself by this right now, I don’t want to feel bad for him and I wanted him to suffer it just sucks because I was with him for 16 years and he cared more about this other girl than me.
Commenter 2: YTA because, judging by how you were in the marriage, you’re probably going to take him back.
OOP: I’m not taking him back, it just hurts to see somebody that you were with for so long not give a shit about you but I also do feel bad because he’s obviously not doing well.
Commenter 3: when he broke up with you he had a new GF in the picture, when she broke up with him, he realised what he threw away.
Commenter 4: Yeah… exactly … he just realised he was being used as an ATM. He thought he was a catch. It really bruised his ego
OOP: The dumbass literally offered to pay her tuition. When the divorce happened which was a year ago sky was 18 (I have no idea when the affair started and I’m hoping it just started at 18) but the girl was obviously not giving a shit about him as she was still messing with boys from her campus (his words as he would come home throwing a fit about it.) I think that’s why he offered it to keep her.
Commenter 5: STOP - NTA
YOU. DESERVE. BETTER
Your ex’s Plan B is YOU.
He needs, he wants,…honestly why do you give a F about him? He needs to grow up and be there for his daughter. Mia deserves a better, too! That chick deserves to be ignored by all other women for her attitude in sleeping with your now ex.
Stop sleeping with him, because it’s only fueling his belief you’re okay being his backup.
And get an STD test.
OOP: I’m not sleeping with him and I got a test back when I first found out, I’m all good. I’m not getting back with him, I’m just upset that he didn’t show this much care for me
Update #1: April 23, 2025 (same day, 17 hours later)
Mini update - AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?
I’m so overwhelmed right now, I didn’t except this to escalate so quickly but it did. Firstly, I want to thank everybody who gave me advice I really appreciate it all. I’m sorry if I took long to reply to comments, I had a busy morning especially with a 4 year old who attends preschool and also hates getting up in the morning.
A bit of background about their relationship, at least the stuff I know. The divorce happened last year so at the time sky was 18. I clarified this in the comments but I’m gonna say it again. Cam was the one who offered Sky to pay her tuition and I think he did that to keep her around. After I found out about the divorce he would come home angry, he would call her names and was mad because she was seeing other guys in college and posting herself going to parties.
I don’t know how long their affair was. All I know is how they met, at least this is what he told me. Cam told me that they met at a club and he thought Sky was older but then she later told him it was a fake ID. Now I don’t believe he thought that one bit. Sky SCREAMS teenager, I could tell by just one peek at her Instagram. She looks super young, she dresses like a teenager, she has braces with a very youthful, and she types/acts just like her age.
Cam has visitation rights and he comes over to see Mia which I am gonna make arrangements to change that. When he comes over you could just feel the negative energy coming in with him by his attitude and the way he looks. While Mia is occupied that’s when he vents to me about Sky which I don’t know why the hell he does. I will admit I’m stupid as I don’t say anything, I just let him talk. I pretty much ignore him when he’s here like he doesn’t exist while he just would just vent randomly.
But let me tell you guys what just happened and I’m literally so pissed. My baby gets out of preschool at 2:30 (usually my mom would pick her up but I got to leave early) …
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lwx9i4/new_update_aita_for_being_upset_that_my_ex/
Whole thing just gets worst
But let me tell you guys what just happened and I’m literally so pissed. My baby gets out of preschool at 2:30 (usually my mom would pick her up but I got to leave early) and her ballet practice is at 4pm. While during the ballet practice you could either leave your kid there or you can stay in the practice with them. One of my closet girlfriend’s daughter also attends the class and I needed to get groceries for our meals. So with her permission I left out for a bit.
My guess is that Cam gave Sky my number because I genuinely don’t see how else she could get it. Anyways, long story short she has Reddit and she came across my post and was pissed about it.
Guys no joke, this little girl and her friends was spamming my phone with calls. She would call me and say horrible things and then next I would get another call from somebody else who would say other stuff, this happened about 7 times. The two first times, admittedly I went back and forth but as it kept going I finally got the hint they were playing with my phone so I started recording and just let them yell and insult. I knew they were all together because when Sky called first I could hear other girls giggling or saying slick shit in the background. I didn’t get the whole thing on recording because it came out of the blue so I only got the last few.
If I was to file a harassment report about this would it be valid or not? I blocked them and threatened to call the cops the last time and they stopped but seriously this is childish asf.
Edit: forgot to mention that this isn’t real names, it’s just close to all of our names and all of our correct ages so I think that’s how she figured it was me.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: File harassment charges absolutely.
Also, send all of the information about the affair and all of the recordings of her calls to you to her mommy and daddy.
OOP: One of my girlfriends is super good at finding people through social media so I’ll definitely send her to look for sky’s parents.
Commenter 1: If Sky has a FB account. Her parents can probably be found on her friend’s list.
OOP: She doesn’t, at least I don’t think she does. I looked through cam’s following on instagram and Facebook before the divorce and I only found her on instagram
OOP should go to the police for harassment
OOP: Def taking her to the police and gonna hopefully try and see if I could find her parents. I’d love to message her that but she’s the type to go back and forth, she literally just hurls insults. As I mentioned she’s 19 and she sure does act like it 😖
OOP clarifies on custody and the affair
OOP: I have full custody and he has visitation rights. I don’t know when the affair started but all I know is that when I found out, she was 18 and hopefully it didn’t start when she was a minor
Update #2 May 7, 2025 (two weeks later)
Hi everybody, I posted on here 2 weeks ago about my situation with my ex husband. I also posted about how Sky and her friends called my phone repeatedly. Firstly I do want to say thank you to everybody who gave me ideas of what to do about the situation and I especially want to thank the people who messaged me privately to help me get over this. I also unfortunately had pervs in my messages and no, my daughter doesn’t need a step dad.
Onto the update, I ended up emailing Sky’s school about the harassment. As I mentioned in the mini update, Sky has Reddit so she took the college she attended out her instagram bio which she originally had. Sky I know you’re probably reading this and unfortunately for you, dumbass, I didn’t forget the school you attend.
I emailed them about a day after my mini update along with photos of my call log and they finally got back to me this past Monday. They didn’t exactly tell me what they did but to summarize it they basically told me that they would take care of her and thanked me for it. Obviously Sky learned her lesson as she didn’t contact me at all.
Unfortunately, me or my girlfriend couldn’t find her parents. She doesn’t have a Facebook, only a instagram. She doesn’t have much photos up but the ones she does up doesn’t have anything of her family, just herself.
Onto my ex, soon after my post I called him and I set boundaries. I told him if he wanted to see Mia then it was to be done at his home or anywhere but my house. I told him that when it was time for him to come and get Mia that I would just walk her to the car and that he has no permission to come inside my home. He didn’t take it lightly, he fussed that he was allowed to go into the home that his daughter is in. I told him that there’s no need for him to do that because if he wants to see her and only her then me bringing her to the car wouldn’t be a problem. After a while of fussing he did accept it eventually.
Unfortunately I was stupid and I decided to try and pry my way into knowing a bit more about their past relationship and the affair. I don’t believe that Sky told cam about the post or anything as I think he would’ve been mad or at least brought it up.
Cam opened up a little bit and told me a bit more about their whole relationship. He told me that at first him and Sky were originally just hooking up. Before anything happened Sky let him know that she didn’t want a relationship as she wanted to “live the college experience” and cam didn’t take it seriously. Eventually, she started talking to other guys and he would also see her following go up with other guys in it whenever she said she would go to an event.
He tells me that he started paying sky’s because Sky said if he didn’t then she would expose him (I’m not sure what he means by exposed as he couldn’t be talking about expose him to me because he didn’t even seem to give a fuck when he got caught). But Sky had told me that he’s the one who offered the pay the tuition so I don’t know which one is telling the truth.
He told me that he loved Sky but couldn’t love her any longer because she was a gold digging whore (even more confused because sky literally broke up with him). He also said that sky didn’t listen and that she deserved everything he did to her because there’s no reason she should be avoiding him.
Mind you I’m confused as hell. At first it seemed like he was trying to play victim but immediately got off topic and really was just raging about Sky. I’m baffled because you were literally just crying over this girl? I ended up questioning him because it literally didn’t make sense. He ended up yelling at me, telling me to shut the f up and other shit. Eventually, I just hung up the phone because I don’t have time for that. Like a child, he blocked me.
I ended up just talking to his mom. I asked if during cam’s time if I could just drop Mia off at her house and if cam wants to see Mia then he could visit. She’s an amazing grandmother so she accepted, I told her that he blocked me which she was shocked and told me that she would talk to him about it.
But that’s the update currently, hopefully cam gets help because obviously the nut job needs it. I recently started working out and I even joined a dating app this past Saturday like some people requested I did and good news! I matched with a ton of people.
I will also share that I have been a bit down just thinking about my baby girl. I feel like I did wrong picking cam as her father, I didn’t have a good father growing up so all I wanted was for my kids to have the dad I never had and at first cam was amazing but now I don’t know what’s happening. I think it’s a mid life crisis maybe?
Sorry for this long post, thank you to everybody who helped me 💗.
Relevant / Top Comments
Commenter 1: I’m so glad you made all those positive changes! And I wouldn’t get his mom to get him to unblock you - stay blocked, good riddance, no more whining to you over the phone! Besides, he’ll unblock you in a hurry to yell at you, once he learns you’re dating. I’m so looking forward to that - maybe you can just happen to mention that info to his mom when you drop Mia off.
OOP: I’m actually hoping me and him could communicate through his mom, at least for right now. I really don’t want to talk to that man.
Commenter 2: Sky is a dirty little skank but I have no doubt when they started she was underage. So the OP’s husband is grooming creep and you are better offer without him.
I’d even try and get full custody of your daughter and keep this dirty creep away from OP and Mia.
OOP: Yeah I’m not gonna lie but I’m starting to have that feeling too, at first I didn’t want to believe it because who would but it’s like every time I asked or when he’s getting to it like when he told me how they met, he dodges it.
Commenter 3: Trust your gut…and keep him off of your couch. If he needs therapy, see a therapist. If he needs absolution, go to church and pray.
You have given him too many years of your life already. Keep dropping your daughter at her grandmother’s and try to do so before he shows up so you don’t have to run into him. You need space away from anything dealing with his mess to heal, and he will never give it to you.
Next time he tries to bring it up, point blank say “I don’t want to hear anymore about the misadventures of a grown ass man with an underage girl. If whatever you have to say is not pertaining to Mia, keep it to yourself.”
Honestly, I would go as far as saying that I am considering his visitation being supervised only since he is into younger girls. He needs to realize that the money that he spent on that girl, he took directly his daughter. Yeah, more money can be made, but Mia’s college fund could have been started with what he wasted. Sounds harsh but maybe he needs a a verbal slap to the face to see how disgusting and pathetic he is.
----NEW UPDATE---- Update #3: July 4, 2025 (almost two months later)
Hiii everybody, happy 4th of July. I haven’t posted in a while and I’ve also been off Reddit, I don’t really browse like that on here.
Anyways, I wanted to give you guys a little update because I’ve found out a lot of information about the divorce with Sky and Cam.
But firstly I do want to go over some other things. So if you’ve read my other posts then you’d know about me calling sky’s school and reporting her. Well basically she still attends that school which I’m guessing they must’ve given her a warning or maybe literally didn’t have a conversation with her at all which is insane.
But since the situation I explained with my baby daddy on my latest update I haven’t talked with him. I wanted to try and communicate through his mom which she’s been also trying to communicate with him but he’s gone doing whatever that nobody knows. He hasn’t seen Mia, hasn’t texted me, hasn’t come over or anything. I won’t like I was very worried at first but I decided that he’s a grown man and if he wants to act like a child then so be it because Mia is just fine with me and definitely doesn’t need his weirdo ass around her.
Cam has a long term friend, Matt (36M), they’ve been friends since college so he’s definitely been around a lot. My guess is that maybe cam and him got into a really bad argument or something while cam is M.I.A and it must’ve been really bad because Matt ended up texting me and snitching on cam completely. So, now I have more info about the whole affair.
Firstly, she was 16 when the affair started and it went on for 2 years and I just found out about it was she was 18. Cam was very controlling in the relationship with Sky and emotionally abusive. Whenever she would go out to parties, college activities, or outings with her friends then he would complain and complain and press her and accuse her of trying to get with other men. He offered paying for her college tuition because when she started the college year she was 17, he did it so she can stay quiet about the whole situation. She kept on telling him she wanted “the college experience” and that “she didn’t want to be locked down” and all that but he got mad about that and their relationship got even more toxic at that point.
Her parents aren’t together and at the time she was a teenager so her dad was super protective and didn’t want her talking to boys and would often check her phone which Sky told cam about this and it bothered him and made him not like her father. I didn’t get much info about her mother but Matt told me that ultimately as soon as she went to college he convinced her to cut off her parents.
He ended up basically separating her from her parents (Matt didn’t exactly tell me what he did but just told me about the separation).
Her dad ending up dying and she inherited money that could cover her college tuition which pissed off cam and he kept trying to convince her to let him keep paying but he refused because he knew that when she did it, she’d feel more freedom and most likely end up leaving him based on what she would tell him about “the college experience”. Matt told me during the affair after this happened that it was very on and off and she was mostly coming to him for sex.
Now onto after the divorce when they were together. I guess it got super toxic at that point and she was super close to leaving. She ended up pregnant with cam’s baby which she didn’t want and was very upset about. She found text messages between Cam telling Matt about “baby trapping” her, he explained how he messed with her birth control pills and that’s what lead to their breakup and his little “depression”. She ended up getting an abortion and blocking him on everything and he was on my couch venting about this but leaving out why they broke up.
Obviously, I was disgusted as hell about this whole situation. I was disgusted that he was messing around with a literal child when we have a daughter of our own and no I’m no longer allowing him around her, even if he comes back around he will NOT be allowed around Mia. His mother has been trying to reason but the whole thing is just disgusting and makes me see cam in a different light.
I’m also super confused on why Sky stayed with him, I really do believe she enjoyed the trill of getting spoiled and being a mistress because everything about her just gave me bad vibes and I really didn’t like her. When I dm’ed her after finding out about the affair she was just super rude so I personally think her and cam were made for each other.
Also last update I talked about me going on dating apps. I’ve been going on dates with this new guy and so far so good.
This was a lot to write so if there are any errors in here I sincerely apologize. I also always appreciate all the advice you guys have been giving me ❤️.
Relevant / Top Comments
Downvoted Commenter: So your child’s life just got flipped upside down and your prioritizing dating? Maybe focus on stabilizing your kids life and focusing on her for a bit instead of diving into another relationship.
OOP: I don’t get what’s wrong with me starting dating? She’s only 4 and she was with me mostly anyway. I’ve also been focusing on her the most this past year, what’s wrong with me doing something for me?
Commenter 1: Jesus. I don’t even know what to say. That’s not just gross, it’s criminal. Cam needs serious help, and you’re 1000% right to keep him away from Mia
OOP: Yeah I wanted to throw up reading the text. I was with him for long and it’s like he was a whole different person and I didn’t know.
Commenter 2: Sky stayed with Cam because he groomed her into staying and dealing with the abuse. That’s what groomers do they isolate their victims and get them to do things like cut off their parents. If you have not done anything legally to back up the things that you were saying, I really want to encourage you to do that while he is out of the picture. Get a lawyer and report his underage relationship to the police. It will help you get full custody.
Commenter 3: You’re right to be disgusted. The way Cam manipulated her, isolated her, and then pulled that “baby trap” mess is disturbing. It’s scary how many people enable behavior like that. You’re doing the right thing keeping him away from Mia. Some bridges need to stay burned.
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