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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/khalizard on 2023-09-02 15:49:59.

I am getting married in 6 weeks and it is important to me that my grandmother feels special and loved on my wedding day as we have always been extremely close and she struggles with inclusion at times. We invited 300 people to our wedding as I have a huge family. So although that is a large number of guest, I still needed to choose very carefully who to invite/not. My grandma is particularly close with one of her sisters whom she lives with. I know my great aunt but not her children very well and haven’t seen them in a few years. But, since they are my grandmas closest people I felt it was important to include my great aunt and her 5 children. Two of her kids are married so I invited those four as couples. Three of her children are divorced and have been single for years - these three did not get a plus one which their invite clearly states.

Turns out, my oldest cousin (40y/o) asked my grandma if she could bring her boyfriend of two months to the wedding in place of her brother who wouldn’t be attending. My grandma thought that would be fine and brought it up to me on a recent phone call. I thought of it as a bit rude to ask but I get shooting your shot just to see. I explained to my grandma that my fiancé has not only not met my cousin in the 7 years we’ve been together, let alone her new boyfriend. The wedding is expensive and I didn’t feel comfortable paying for a stranger to attend and figured my cousin would understand.

Turns out my cousin freaked out at my grandma and was sobbing over how rude it was that I won’t let her boyfriend attend as her plus one. She’s recently divorced and it’s the first time she’s felt happy in years. So my grandma calls my mom to ask if cousin can bring him as “she hates to make people cry.” Without knowing I had already given a firm no, my mom says, “sure, why not.”

My grandma then calls me and starts off the phone call with, “please don’t be mad at me but…” and explains the situation. My grandma always tries to please everyone and she struggles with boundaries. I’m used to this. I explained I wasn’t mad at her but annoyed. I asked why my 40 year old cousin who I barely know would throw a tantrum over not having a plus one to my wedding, somebody she hardly knows. Grandma tried to explain that it’s the first family function she gets to bring him to… but Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner so that’s silly. Ultimately, I tell grandma that I already made a decision and cousin doesn’t have a plus one. But now I don’t even want my cousin to attend as this seems like very rude and childish behavior. I have since removed her name from the online RSVP that she hadn’t yet responded to. I know this will cause problems and drama for my sweet grandma which is what I was trying to avoid by inviting my great aunt and her kids in the first place…