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The original was posted on /r/sailing by /u/Andechser on 2025-07-21 22:23:10+00:00.

I‘d like hear other people‘s thoughts on what happened to me. (A bit of a longer read…)

This spring I chartered a mid size sailing yacht in the Mediterranean with a group of friends. I was the skipper, having done the organisation, being the one with most experience and with the appropriate licenses as well. But at the same time I am still experiencing quite a learning curve myself. The have others have a good amount of knowledge when it comes to sailing but they have only rarely crewed on other yachts, besides with this group of friends.

The trip was meant to be an ambitious one-week journey and I put a lot of effort into decent preparations. Avoiding any unnecessary risks and having a relaxed sailing experience were my main aims. Altogether we made around 400 sm in changing conditions, over-night-stages etc. And sailing-wise it all went pretty smooth in my eyes.

Now, one of the crew members, let’s call him Frank, has a boat on a local lake and knows a bit about sailing himself. Frank was supposed to be 1st mate, so to speak. But he has shown in the past that he is not always willing to accept commandos, coming up with his own ideas while doing maneuvers and such. I had prepared myself for that in the sense that he was going to take the commando during night watches and also during the day at times, as long as I did not take back over. Also I tried to involve Frank and the whole crew in all major decisions in the morning and while sailing. At times I would just give commandos though, when I considered it necessary.

Frank is a bit of a nerdy guy, so he enjoyed dealing with weather models, also the hidden functions of the chart plotter, adjusting the course and sails accordingly every few minutes, which I found a bit annoying at times, particularly with waves of 1 - 2 m and 5 bft, when I would rather just put another reef in and let it flow.

Over the course of the trip things escalated quite a bit. He pulled the Genoa sheet way to tight for example (like a harp string), even after having been told already. Later he would object even to basic stuff like setting a new course, because he doubted the weather model, I was using. Or he ignored the maneuver we had prepared for when grabbing a mooring buoy, announcing that he was grabbing it at the front of the boat rather then at the back (while we were in the middle of doing the maneuver). On the last stint he ripped a hole into the foot of the Genoa by pulling it way to tight again, without realising that the sail had gotten caught on the bulwark, while I was under deck. At one point, after I had told Frank numerous times to cut the discussing, I suggested that he might want to leave the boat and charter his own, which was not my best moments obviously.

Now here comes the other part of the problem. He es is an extrovert fun guy, while I am rather introvert. The other two friends eventually took sides with him, at least partially, in the sense of "it was not live and death, so why did you not just chill-out a bit?“ I tried discussing the matter with them then and afterwards, explaining how stressful and/or annoying it can get (if not dangerous) to discuss minor decisions for half an hour each, but they don‘t seem to understand. I feel pretty strongly about being right on this, considering everything I‘ve learned about sailing, but at the same time I am a bit angry at myself for not having it raised before setting sails. A lack of experience on my end played into it as well, I suppose, both when it comes to sailing and leading a crew.

Please tell me your thoughts and experiences on sailing with friends.