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The original was posted on /r/india by /u/Traditional-Luck-800 on 2025-08-02 14:02:20+00:00.

I wasn’t sure about posting this, but currently my helplessness has overcome the feeling of shame, so posting this. Might delete later when shame overpowers current feeling. It feels awkward, almost embarrassing, but I have nowhere else to turn.

I’m 31 and spent my early career as an electrical engineer on a meagre salary. A few years ago, I quit that job to chase my UPSC dreams—which, unfortunately, didn’t work out. Savings ran out, and my family ended up taking loans—some even because of relatives who betrayed our trust.

Next, I gave the GATE exam a shot and got into a decent tier 2 college for Computer Science (getting into CSE GATE syllabus with no background, especially after years of out of touch in technical topics was extremely difficult). Coding was completely new to me, so I spent countless nights reading books and watching tutorials just to keep pace. Somehow I managed to top my class in theory exams, even outscoring students who’ve been coding since day one. But when it comes to practical skills—building projects, debugging code, preparing for placements—I feel like I’m starting from scratch, especially due to my old laptop where I cannot practise.

Placement season at my college is minimal, and I’m genuinely worried that because of my lack of hands‑on experience, I won’t land any job offers.

I do technically own a laptop, but it’s from 2012, breaks down constantly, and can’t handle real project work. I end up borrowing a friend’s machine whenever possible—planning my day around their schedule and racing to return it before they need it back. I’m not in a position to buy even a secondhand one right now.

My student loan statements show interest piling up every month. My dad is retired; my sister is still studying. We have no steady income. On top of that, both of my parents’ health is failing—and my own health has taken a serious hit from stress, sleepless nights, and constant worry. Everything feels urgent and overwhelming.

In the past, I’ve counselled friends through suicidal thoughts, and that experience is what’s helping me navigate my own struggles today—though I’m not sure how long I can hold on.

I need help covering my mounting debt, getting a reliable laptop, and managing medical expenses for my parents and myself. If anyone can offer financial support—or connect me with someone who can—I would be immensely grateful. I promise to pay back or pay it forward once I clear my debts and secure a job.

If you can help or point me in the right direction, please DM me. Even if you can’t, thank you for reading this and for your time. It means more than you know.

PS: Last time I tried posting something like this, I deleted it after someone commented that I was just overthinking or being weak. Maybe they were right, maybe not—I don’t know anymore. I know my problems might not seem as serious as someone trying to save a loved one in the ICU, but they’ve been weighing me down heavily. I’m just trying to survive the day-to-day right now, and if this reaches someone who understands, that’s all I can hope for.